NyGentleman Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Well its been over a month of NC for me in my situation (she walked away just when things were about to get serious) and I'd like to think i've come along way in such a short amount of time (healing wise) But just when you think everything is starting to look up, you get a message from the ex out of no where .... For me it was on a instant messenger service and it was small talk, hey how are you, how are things going.....than because i go to school with her its the Hello's all of a sudden but nothing else (no goodbye, nothing) ...and finally its the happy easter texts... I guess my question is like the title states whats the point? For there benefit to look like a good person? To try and test the water to see if you'll go running back? Or because they see your not interested anymore and they generally wanna communicate again ....why throw these small crumbs out there and not be consistent with it .... i just dont get it and im sure im not the only one ... Link to comment
bigthings46 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I think she's trying to test you and see how you react. Link to comment
thursday Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 For there benefit to look like a good person? I highly doubt that! To try and test the water to see if you'll go running back? IMO that might be more likely. I'd say, just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll be less vague out of frustration. Even then if she has "good" news.. take it with a huge grain of salt. Keep up with the NC and you'll be fine! Link to comment
b2761 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I agree- wait it out. If it means anything that you want to know about, she'll let you know. It could be just her being lonely and wanting some attention from a familiar place, but not necessarily more than that. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 Unfortunately when she im'd me we chatted briefly and when i came to my senses i cut it short but thankfully i didnt get all past happy just kept it civil and than said had to go.., the hello in class was simply just that and the text was random but like today for example even with all that small talk i saw her and we didnt say 2 words to eachother thats why i ask whats the point .... if your gonna contact me why not say more than 2 words to me, and if not than dont contact me ... it feels more awkward to do the little contacts than it would be to actually talk ... Now onto the dilemma her bday in 7 days....which ive been going back and forth on ... Link to comment
teagirl Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hey NY! Sometimes when you are the one doing the dumping you wind up having guilt. Sometimes you genuinely miss the good bits of the relationship. Sometimes you are lonely and want that connection back. Sometimes you are just horny and want sex. Sometimes you want to check in and see if anything has changed with the other person. Sometimes you want to find out if they have moved on and are dating anyone else. The possibilites are endless. Notice though how I didn't include that sometimes they want to get back together with you? That kind of thinking can be very dangerious. Making that kind of assumption gives life to hope. I've come to believe you've got to let go of the hope that it will work out for your own sanity and move on for yourself. Operate as if the break up is real and that's what's best for you. Recently I decided I want to have healthy relationships with everyone in my life, including my ex. I know for me right now the best way to have a healthy relationship with him is not having any contact. If and when I change my mind and think it will be healthy to have contact with him, then I can do so. For now though assume your ex is not wanting to get back together. For yourself operate from a place of it's not the best thing for me to have contact with her. That's my advice. Link to comment
b2761 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 sometimes it means "OK- now I've checked in on you so I don't need to be in contact with you again". Or "OK, now you helped me get past my lonely moment or my guilty moment and I don't need to be in contact." But it can be like they're pouring gasoline on that heart of yours that was cooling off. Link to comment
4answers Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Ask her ! You want to know why she is contacting you, then ask her ! No bull, no game playing. If her contact with you does not help you heal or allow you to move on then tell her. You to might be in totally different places in your emotional feelings towards each other, the only way to get to the same place to be friends or positive aquantances is by each of you understanding the others feelings. Be open and honest with each other ! Link to comment
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