Sex with an ex before the ex!!

[Amanda80]

I have broken up with b/f since late January. I have had n/c since end of Feb. Very hard. Lots of questions. Some regrets. I reconnected with previous ex to go out "as friends." One thing led to another- we ended up in bed together. I was lonely, he was lonely. It was familiar & comfortable. No feelings were involved. It was a win/win situation for both of us. However, what it has made me do is think about the sexual connection I had with the ex I am so hurt about. We had such a great physical connection that I had not had with the previous ex. I had to do it for myself to get me used to making love with another person, in hopes to help myself move on. But I worry. Will I ever be able to find that connection again?? The thought of getting back into that dating scene again is so scary. I just miss the connection we had so very much.

[bear12]

amanda,

 

this is my third attempt to write an answer to your question. i've tried comparing my own experiences, telling you that secret to good sex is more about the emotional connection than the physical one, and tried arguing that sex isn't the most important part of the relationship..., but when it comes down to it, i feel like i'm just spewing you lies, b/c i'm absolutely terrified i'll never find anyone i connected as well with as my ex, too. it wasn't just the physical part that i miss- it was like everything came together in this beyond amazing way.... i don't know if i'll ever find that again and when he broke up with me he told me that he "knew" he wouldn't. annoying. anyway, sorry- the best i can do is comiserate. hopefully somebody else has some "real" advice for you!

[Amanda80]

Mine said that "he is going to be alone for a long time." The last time an ex told me that, he was married in 2 years! All I could think about while having my "move on" sex was- "I can't do this again. I can't continue to search for the passion I missed so much. I don't have the energy. I will never find such good sex again." Thanks for the comiseration. And, I wonder if he misses and thinks about the sex as much as I do?

[bear12]

i guarantee you more... funny story, well, not really funny per se, but my ex and i kinda hooked up a couple of times after we broke up (i know, i know, we're on NC now, but we were in vegas at the time) anyway, he was like "hey, by the way, i brought a video camera, mind if i film us?" and i was like "he** yes, i mind! what are you thinking!" i didn't let him do it but his response was, "well, i don't think i'll ever be with another girl as hot as you and i really want to remember this!" haha! anyway, yeah, boys think about it. don't worry!

[bear12]

oh, and ps: i don't think you can search for the passion, i think when the time is right it'll just find you.. that sounds like a lame answer, i know, but i think of it as an analogy to buying shoes. when i really need a particular kind of shoe i swear i can't find it ANYWHERE, but as soon as i don't need shoes, i find about 10 billion pairs i feel i just can't live without.

[addictedblue]

oh, and ps: i don't think you can search for the passion, i think when the time is right it'll just find you.

 

THAT IS SOOOO TRUE. whenever i find myself liking someone a lot, it was when i wasn't looking for someone! and when something really good ends, you think man, this sucks, and i'm never going to find such a great connection again. you take a lot of time to think about it, move on, get over it, and then BAM you've fallen for someone else, at a time you least expected. you "connect" with someone else and think "how stupid of me to think that i would never connect with anyone again". i've experienced this. you WILL find the passion and connection again from another person, i promise you. it'll just take time.

[Aschleigh]

I have been broken up for 5 months and occasionally still see the ex. I love our connection. I think it is strong and unique. I will never be bale to replace him, nor can he replace me. But I will be able to conect with other people in new meaningful ways someday. It takes time.

I remember thinking I would not be able to have sex again after the ex of 6 years ago. Then I met the last ex and the sex was better than ever.

My relationships keep getting better, as I know myself better.

[Amanda80]

But Aschleigh, how many frogs did you have to "kiss" before you found your prince?

You know we've talked before- I refuse to have sex with the most recent ex- at least now- i am just too hurt & close to the relationship---