Just turned 22...never had a girlfriend

[Warped]

Hi, this is my first time here

 

Well, the title says it all. I'm 22, and I've never had a girlfriend before in my life. Up until I was 21 or so, I think the problem was because I was incredibly shy, not very certain of myself, low self esteem, not out going, and so on. While all my friends were finding love, romance, sex and relationships in their teens, I could only look on.

 

When I turned 21, I finally started to feel better about myself, and finally - FINALLY - found some confidence, just alittle bit. But now all the girls I fall for are taken, and have boyfriends.

 

How has this affected me? Well, I don't want your sympathy or anything, but since late last year, I feel into depression, more or less about this very subject. It was the most powerful, most bottomless and invincible misery I have ever felt. Eventually I went to my family doctor, who prescribed me some mild anti depressants, and they work miracles. I also go to a psychiatrist, who helps explain things to me. He says I have a mild form of Social Anxiety Disorder, but that I am getting better. I feel alot stronger today - I feel more confident, more comfortable with myself, and I have alittle bit more self esteem, but...

 

...but every time I walk past a happy couple at university, I have to grit my teeth, clench my fist, and fight back bitter feelings of anger, hate, jealousy. When I read accounts on websites (like this one) or on magazines about people having relationships early, having sex early, etc, I feel so miserable. I feel inferior, and pathetic, because I have never had a girlfriend before, and thereforeeeee there must be something wrong with me, and all the other boys are better than me, and I am a loser. That's how I feel. Sometimes I break down crying, like a baby, because I feel so inferior and pathetic and weak. Everyone else seems so happy, and I am not. Don't I deserve happiness? Don't I deserve to be with someone? Sometimes, I even feel hate. HAte at all those people who are in relationships. Because they have something that I never had.

 

Am I doing something wrong? Am I not good enough? Am I being fussy? All my female friends are baffled when I tell them that I have never had a girlfriend, because they say that I am charming, kind, funny, sensitive, romantic and caring. But I can never find a girl, and it hurts, and I am so sick of being alone. Always alone. What's wrong with me?

 

Please help me...I try not to be sad, and think positve, but sometimes these demons resurface.

[street]

Hey try not too stress too much, ur trying to hard..love will come along I promise..i feel like u do sometimes, I did found love and lost it and I know feel sometimes I won't find it again..

 

I didn't have my first proper girlfriend till I was 21, sure there were girls before but no one serious..and u know what it came along when I was least expecting it and when I wasn't looking for it..this is what Im going to do know just chill out with my mates and one day someone special will come along..

 

U sound like a decent bloke, just keep going out and enjoying urself show some confidence(this is something im struggling with at the moment, so I know its not easy) and some girl will think hey hes cool and fun to be around I want to spend some time with him..and in the meantime enjoy urself…

 

Ur young with plenty of time, being single is fun u know, being in a relationship isn't all its cracked up to be sometimes

 

Hope I helped

[viettwinkle503]

hi, i'm not sure if u want advice from a gurl. but i'm sure i'll steer u in the right direction. first of all u sound like an intelligent caring guy who's not looking in the right places. i'm sure we're all insecure in our own ways...

 

yeah i know it sux that guys have to make the first move. but thank goodness for the social changes gurls are stepping up. hehe i used to be pretty shy myself...and wondered why everyone else had a gf/bf. but think of it this way u can't catch a fish without having patience and preparing the bait etc. the gurls have to see the bait...which is U! ur personality. hehe one of the things that are essential is maybe...flirting. that's usually the first step. not always*

 

don't feel sooo bad alright?? we've all been there i know guys who are 20 who haven't had a GF in their lives either. really...ur not alone at all. building up self esteem takes time, soo don't be discouraged. you have nothing to be afraid of just step up and face those GURLS hehe not everyone is taken

 

-christine

[someguy20]

Hi there

 

First off all, I want to tell you that you're not the only one who never had a girlfriend at 22. I'm 24 and I never had one, albeit for somewhat different reasons.

 

Now, my advice might sound a little simplistic and harsh, but this way of thinking helps me getting to terms with the issue. Do you *want* a girlfriend? Yes. Do you want to be alone for the rest of yout life? No. Now realize, if *you* don't ever do anything to get a woman and shield yourself from social interaction with the other sex it will simply never happen. There is nobody who will do the job for you, and there are no fairy tale endings in life. YOU are responsibe for how your life will be, happy or lonely.

 

This might not necessarily be the case for all people. But according to your descriptions you are a healthy, attractive, charming guy. You CAN get women. Is this so bad that you should be depressed about it?

 

It is good that you're getting medical help against your depression. Also talk to your friends, male as female. Tell female friends (or the girlfriend of a friend) that you're shy but want to meet a girl, I'm sure they're happy to help you.

 

But always remember, what's gonna happen with your love life is in the end all up to you. And if it has been unhappy so far, only you can change that.

[White Rider]

hey there

well, im not going to give advice or anything couse i have exsatly the same proplem as u r and u descriped it more than i have ever could, exsept one fact that i didnt see a doctor and i dont take medcine and i started doing crasy things

just if it makes u feel beter knowing ur not alone

[ELEONORA]

Hi '

I have a very good friend...He is 27 years old now and believe it or not didnt have a g/f till now...He was a very shy guy, we had studied together and after were still remaining as a friends. At first he was quite upset about it, but i always was trying to help him out with his confidence and cheer him up.....then one day he rang me up and told me that he had enough of feeling depressed and feeling unlucky..so he decided to start going to the Gym and bye some new clothes....so we went to sign him up at the Gym and then went shopping...you wont believe how much that guy had changed since and that was the time when he was walking on the street feeling Handsome...he start getting lots of attention from the gilrs and finally found a very nice, most goregous gril i have ever met. so now they are going out together and that girl adore him a lot..

So what i recon, the minut you will say to yourself...thats it i had enough of that blue moods..i am a sexy cool guy...living happy life...you will see the difference in how much attention you will get and then THE GIRL will appear in your life

P.S. Having sex or the number of girls you have slept with doesnt mean you had a happy lucky life and become a real man

[rickothesicko]

Hey there Warped,

I feel empathy for you dude I really do. But hey I'm in a worse boat then you buddy. At least you have female friends. Have you tried to get one of your friends to hook you up with a girl. I know the realous, angry frustrated feelings your talking about. And for you people that say "you just have to think to yourself that your handsome" I tried that for awhile and it doesn't work. Jeez everytime I go out with friends and meet some girls the girls are always the ones that talk with my friends. Feel like an alien. I too get real depressed when I know all my friends are out with their girlfriends and stuff and it makes me feel like worthless s***, thinking, "what's wrong with me?" I look in the mirror sometimes and think"My god!" and turn away other times I can look at myself.But good luck!

 

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I know exactly what it is you're going through because I just got out of it. My advice would be to go after the next descent piece of tail that walks by and if that one isn't available then try the next, really put yourself out there. At least for the first time I would suggest that you look at it that way. I didn't do that. I went way too far and lost everything that I am to this girl. If you're anything like me your going to have a tendency to give everything you have to your first girl and that is only going to hurt you. If you start thinking that the first one really is the one for you, don't let yourself act on that for at least a year. It sounds like a long time before you really start to open yourself up to someone, but I will garrote you that its better than the time you'll spend alone because you find out that you can't get over the girl you loved who wasn't willing to invest the same in you. I know that it sucks to be alone for so long, but if you're willing to risk a little rejection, a maybe even lower your standards to start to get into the swing of things, it wont be long before you get out of this.