Hi, this is my first time here
Well, the title says it all. I'm 22, and I've never had a girlfriend before in my life. Up until I was 21 or so, I think the problem was because I was incredibly shy, not very certain of myself, low self esteem, not out going, and so on. While all my friends were finding love, romance, sex and relationships in their teens, I could only look on.
When I turned 21, I finally started to feel better about myself, and finally - FINALLY - found some confidence, just alittle bit. But now all the girls I fall for are taken, and have boyfriends.
How has this affected me? Well, I don't want your sympathy or anything, but since late last year, I feel into depression, more or less about this very subject. It was the most powerful, most bottomless and invincible misery I have ever felt. Eventually I went to my family doctor, who prescribed me some mild anti depressants, and they work miracles. I also go to a psychiatrist, who helps explain things to me. He says I have a mild form of Social Anxiety Disorder, but that I am getting better. I feel alot stronger today - I feel more confident, more comfortable with myself, and I have alittle bit more self esteem, but...
...but every time I walk past a happy couple at university, I have to grit my teeth, clench my fist, and fight back bitter feelings of anger, hate, jealousy. When I read accounts on websites (like this one) or on magazines about people having relationships early, having sex early, etc, I feel so miserable. I feel inferior, and pathetic, because I have never had a girlfriend before, and thereforeeeee there must be something wrong with me, and all the other boys are better than me, and I am a loser. That's how I feel. Sometimes I break down crying, like a baby, because I feel so inferior and pathetic and weak. Everyone else seems so happy, and I am not. Don't I deserve happiness? Don't I deserve to be with someone? Sometimes, I even feel hate. HAte at all those people who are in relationships. Because they have something that I never had.
Am I doing something wrong? Am I not good enough? Am I being fussy? All my female friends are baffled when I tell them that I have never had a girlfriend, because they say that I am charming, kind, funny, sensitive, romantic and caring. But I can never find a girl, and it hurts, and I am so sick of being alone. Always alone. What's wrong with me?
Please help me...I try not to be sad, and think positve, but sometimes these demons resurface.
