Worried... need some things cleared and advice!

[mrees0077]

Hi!!!

 

I've been reading everyones post over the past day or so and whats worrying me is that everyone is saying to me "...well if i were her, i would be scared of you!". How do you think that makes me feel...??? I'm trying to win back the love of my life and people are saying that she is running scared... fantastic!!! Now what?!?!???! I'm worried enough for her phone call on Saturday plus she is now in Dublin with a mate of her's... she said she won't pull anyone, but one thing is saying and the other thing is doing... So many worries in my head!

 

Yes... i will wait till she calls me... i promise... even if she doesn't call me on Saturday... I'm just really scared that she will end up destroying my heart because i will be devistated!!!

 

When i looked at her into her eyes on Monday and asked her if she would think about us getting back together... i truly believed she was saying the truth when she said yes.

 

I suppose the best thing i could do, as you all say, is wait... distance makes the heart grow fonder... i pray this applies to this situation. One thing i can say... i've not been certain about many things in my life, but for once it feels so right and certain it is meant to be!!!

 

Any advice?

[Princess777]

mrees,

 

I read your past posts about your ex..... you poor thing!!! I agree with the other posts, leave her be and let her get her thoughts straight. I know it's SO hard.... but she will be able to think a lot more clearly without you calling her and trying to see her.... think about how much you miss her when she's not around. It works that same way for us women. She will only remember the good things about you when you're gone. You may be surprised to get a call from HER. And if you dont, you're still the same great person you were before you broke up. She does not determine your worth, your ability to love, or your happiness. Don't try to pressure her to take you back, she has to exercise her own free will. You may decide you dont want her back anyway.... a relationship should not be one-sided. Good luck!

Princess777

[PhoenixInATL]

My best advice would be to do the unexpected. Break the "old pattern" she's used to and stop contacting her. That'll give her time to think, but more importantly it'll give you time to think and let the emotions die down so you can see things more clearly. You may think they're clear now, but they may not be.

 

I'm going through this right now, with someone whom in the past I thought was absolutely the one for me. We've had sort of a "Jenny and Forrest" relationship for 4 1/2 years. Through all if it I've always been there, always understanding, etc. Overall, I just couldn't imagine anyone fitting the bill as well as he does. But we had somewhat of a split five weeks ago, and for the first time, I have stopped all contact. No calls to him, no giving him the benefit of the doubt, blocked him from my instant messanger. We're both computer consultants, so we saw each other online all day at work every day. Not anymore. Gone. A rapid departure from the "status quo". I was ALWAYS THERE no matter what, and even during a previous short split I didn't shut off the instant messanger. But this time he got what he thought he wanted. And I have reason to believe he may be freaking out about it.

 

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, this last five weeks of no contact have given me the space to realize that he may NOT be the end all and be all of what I want in my life relationship-wise. At first I was all stressed about it, but the nightmare feeling has subsided. I still think about it a lot, but I have made a list of the things and incidents where I felt his behavior was unattractive to me. And I review the list and remember those things when I start to feel melancholy, and the feeling vanishes immediately. More and more, I feel like I don't WANT him back, and that maybe I was addicted to the drama? Or to the challenge of the one I could never quite have? Or to the fact that he has learned to overcome the negative things about him by intentionally accentuating the positive and it blinded me? Who knows, but for once there is doubt in my mind. There IS a lot a negatives about him that I could never really consider in terms of "do I really want that crap in my life" until I took this "no contact" space. Essentially, I'm starting to have mixed feelings, which is better than where I was before.

 

And during this time, there were SO many emails I drafted and never sent. Some were angry, some were sad, some were "lets just let this wash over", then back to bitter again, etc. But I've learned that I cycle through emotions about it. If I just write the email and don't send it, at least it gives me an outlet. But ultimately I'm glad I didn't send it because the next week my general feeling may have changed. And that's why I say the "no contact" thing allows the feelings to settle. Don't do anything until you given time for your emotions to stop cycling.

 

But if you DO want her back, the side benefit is that the sudden departure from the norm may make her wake up and give her a chance to miss you. But overall, it would be healthy for you in the meantime. Continue on with your life.