aragorn80 Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 My girlfriend had me that she wanted to be alone and not be with anyone for a while. She said that she has been in relationships almost non stop for like 3 years and she wants to be alone. Im 22 and this was my first love and relationship. We went out for almost a year, ( she broke up with me 20 days before our year ann. ) Anyways, it was not the best relationship either, we would argue about stupid things and being in my first relationship, i would get jealous alot and i think i pushed her away. I gave 110 % with cards and poetry and i always felt like she gave 40 %.......When she would say I love you, it just didnt sound like it had any meaning, and it got to the point that for the last 3-4 months she said she wanted to quit having sex until she got married. and to me, that just seemed like an excuse. And when I would try to kiss her, it always seemed like a chore, and I was the one always initiating affection. i would always be the one to see if I could come over, she would never really say, " Hey, come over tomorrow! " or " I cant wait to see you " I just dont know what happened to the feelings she had for me. Do they just go? Did my jealousy play a big part? I think I pushed her away. We have broken up like 3- 4 times but we always got back together after a few days apart and this time it just feels so real. I still love her so much, I fell for her so hard and it just seems like shes alright with this and that is what hurts.....I dont know what to do, I keep crying and walking back and forth waiting for the phone to ring and Im scared of being alone. Before I met her I was always alone ( we met at my old work ) and after almost a year with her and doing stuff and watching TV and just doing all those things that couples do, I just cant seem to let go......This only happened 2 days ago and i already put her things in a box, (everything) and im just going to leave her alone no matter how much i cry and hurt. Maybe after 2-4 weeks of being alone and thinking and getting her space she will realize what she had. Thats what i hope and at the same time I just sit around. I am just so and lonely and I wish she would call. What should I do ? please help.................thanks Link to comment
babydoll2003 Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 Hello I can tell your upset by the way u poured all your emotions out I am going through something real similar matter of fact almost the exact same thing it hurts so bad the thing is i have been broken up with 3 months ago and still waiting its so hard so i know what your going through i cant give u advice but i can talk to you because im going through it i hope things get better with you as i do for me as well everyone tells me to let go but i just cant and it seems u cant either message me back mabe we can help one another thankyou Link to comment
caliboy Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 it's tough, but all you can do right now is NOT contact her. wait things out, go through the grief, crying, sadness, anger, etc. i know it can get really tough, but you MUST not contact her. let her be the one to contact you. if after 3-4 months you dont hear from her (ya i know it's a long time, but it will get easier - you'll detach yourself from her gradually), then call her. you dont want to talk to her now while you're all distraught. just get to a point where you've moved on. of course you'll still think of her and miss her, but you won't feel like being all bummed when you talk to her. i stopped talking to my ex for awhile, and when i talked to her again i could tell i was a different person from the post-breakup guy i was before. when people tell you to let go, you have to do it. but what this means is to let go of the idea that she's still your girlfriend. you can still talk to her again one day and hopefully she'll be mature enough to have a friendship with you. letting go is tough, but it's better in the end. Link to comment
MartyMan Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 Sounds like she has lost interest for whatever reason. While it's commendable that you put so much of yourself into the relationship with cards and poetry, ironically that's what screws things up. People can lose interest when there isn't a challenge there but rather someone who is completely available to them. Whenever you put twice as much into a relationship as the other person, you're setting yourself up to feel shorted and resentful. Since it happened two days ago, it's going to feel pretty real and pretty painful for awhile. Don't call her, and don't let her know that you're crying and lonely. Trust me, if she's going to come back, it's not going to be out of guilt or sympathy for you. If you're calm and collected about that whole thing (or if thinks that you are), it will make her question whether it was a good choice or not. Good luck, better days are ahead. Link to comment
aragorn80 Posted September 9, 2003 Author Share Posted September 9, 2003 Three months! I hope and pray that this doesnt last that long.....i guess maybe I was thinking a month....with me going to college now and im trying to see what the bar and club scene has to offer, ( just to get my mind off it ) but lets help eacthother. *Update- I just got off the phone with my exes mom telling her thanks for all the dinners and letting me stay overnight because of storms and she said, " Matt, Ill see you again so dont say those things. I dont know what she is doing" so a few people think that after a while of her thinking about it and having the chance to relax by herself, she will call. I hope that is what happens......but I know in my brain that I cant sit around and wait. I will not call her again no matter how much it hurts. I do know she cares about me, right now im just thinking of all the what ifs? ya know, what if I wasnt jealous and what if i only didnt say that one thing, because I think i pushed her away........hell, I know I did, and I cant change that, I can only hope and pray shell give me that 1 last chance to make things right. Im so depressed and I feel like crying and pacing the floor......I never thought being with her would lead to this.........especially after those first couple months, how magical everything was.......Im hurting now though and I know in my brain I must make it through each day, one at a time and if she call........great......but if she dosent ill have to let go and move on............Ya know babydoll, its so easy to say all these things, the hard part seems to be getting your heart to follow...........Please give some advice on my situation..........thanks....... Link to comment
babydoll2003 Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 its so hard to do u have to occupie yourself do things to take your mind off of it do things u like to do have fun and if she calls act like everything is ok make her think dont put all your cards on the table if she loves you she will be back but i have been waitin 3 months we talk everyday and still see eachother so im not sure whats going on with that but i wish u the best of luck and please keep writing me back i will help you as much as can and i hope u feel better because it is really hard how old r u? im 20 and its tough tty soon i know how this feels its good to talk to someone that is going through the same thing Link to comment
aragorn80 Posted September 9, 2003 Author Share Posted September 9, 2003 it hurts but all I can do is leave her alone and hope she comes around, thats all.......i have to go to work but ill be back later.......thanks Link to comment
MartyMan Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 at the very least, make sure you learn as much as you can from this experience so you don't make the same mistake in the future. Your life can't lose it's meaning because she's gone. Just keep busy and don't sit and dwell on what ifs. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now