nikkers04 Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Ok guys I need advice!! I know how well you guys give it so here we go. Long story short my bf and I have been together 3 years. And we have no sex life. He loves sex I hate it. I'm pushing him away because I don't like it. I've tried to think about why I dislike it so much and the only thing i can think of is...I think of it as just what it is ... Sex thats all i think it means to him it's not "making love" or being intimate it's just sex. I guess the point of this and what I'm asking is...How can I make it more enjoyable so I will want to have sex with him? Any ideas on how to make spice it up some...just looking for new ideas...we are both getting old of what we don't have. HELP haha Thanks Link to comment
willow2900 Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Sex thats all i think it means to him it's not "making love" or being intimate it's just sex. Has he said that to you or is that your own perception of his thoughts? Or are those your thoughts? Link to comment
Suesser Tod Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 A good starting point would be to find out why you don't like sex. If there is an underlying issue there it has to be solved before you can learn to enjoy sex as a whole. Were you abused in the past? Why do you keep sex and your emotions so separate? Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted March 12, 2007 Author Share Posted March 12, 2007 He cheated on me a couple years ago...which is why i try to keep things separate. Link to comment
Suesser Tod Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 He cheated on me a couple years ago...which is why i try to keep things separate. So after a couple of years you haven't been able to get over the trust issues, right? Have you thougt about counceling, or even, couples counceling? Link to comment
rocio Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 He's an animal. We all are. A small part of it is about 'making love', but mostly it's just an animalistic need to get off. Kinda like when you eat - you do it partially for enjoyment, but mostly because of this underlying need to consume. There's nothing wrong with that. To enjoy it more, try instigating. Don't wait for him to come begging. Link to comment
eponine Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Did you enjoy having sex with him before he cheated on you? Did he tell you it was "just sex and didn't mean anything" when he owned up to cheating on you? Are you sure that "no sex life" is the biggest problem here? Are you sure that "trying to keep things separate" is a good basis for a relationship? In my opinion "trust" is a very good basis for a relationship. I don't mean to say people can't make mistakes or can't be forgiven for them. But if you find you have to keep sex and emotions separate (because you are afraid to get hurt again?). You are also missing out on a very good part of a relationship. I find sex and the intimacy that goes along with it a very forfilling part of my relationship. And I would not want to be in a relationship where I had the feeling one of us was holding back because they were afraid to get hurt. If you love him, want to be with him and feel this "trust-issue" can be solved, counceling might not be such a bad idea… Link to comment
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