What to do

[stephjones]

I've never done one of these before, but reading throuhg the rest of them has helped me so far, so i fugured I could maybe get some advice.

 

My boyfriend and i hae been dating for 5 years - we met in college in my home town, he is from a different state. after we graduated a decided to move up here with him. we didnt live together at first, but i moved in and now we have lived together for about a year and a half, i've been here for about 2 1/2 years now. I do have my own friends separate from him and have a life separate from him, but no family or anything.

 

well, we had started to have the marrigage talk, most recently i told him that i felt like he wasnt getting any closer, and he needed to think about whether he jsut wasnt ready, or he wasnt ready because he'll never be ready to marry me.

 

about 3 weeks later, he told me he had been doing a lot of thining and doesnt think we are right for eachother. he is no longer happy, and thinks we'd be better off as just friends. i have my doubts too, so i wasnt completely blown away, but i was hoping we could at least try to work it out. He says he is completely sure and does not think he will change his mind. he is being very nice about the whole thing - he truly cares about me, so i am not mad at him, just sad. i appreciate his honesty, but it still hurts terribly.

 

my questions is, first - should i move back home to where i am from, or try out my life here without him. i about have an anxiety attack every time i think of the day i will move back and that he wont be in my life anymore. right now, we are still living together, he says i can stay as long as i need to. so, i have a dilema - if i do move back home - i have to stay here long enough for my work to replace me - do i continue to live with him until then - or should i try to stay with a friend until i go? i guess i feel that its going to be hard either way - maybe i should just enjoy the time i have with him now, and save as much of the heartache that i can for when i move. or would it be eaiser on me to move out now, and get used to it without him - then when i move back home, it will already be on my way to recovering? the only thing is that i would still want to say bye before i left for good. i guess i jsut dont watnt o waste any of the remaining time that i have with him, but maybe that is the wrong way to think?

 

my other option is to try living here for a little while on my own. if i hate it, i can always move back. the only think with this is that i feel like i would be staying here hoping the whole time that me being away would change his mind. since he has been very clear that he wont, i dont want to put myself throught that.

 

i dont know what to do - please give me some advice. im am so bummed out on this whole deal, i thouhgt we would be spending the rest of our lives together - on top of the break up, i feel like i have to start everything over, and i am jsut so terrified of having to move on.

 

sorry for the long post, but i have lots to think about.

[Jayar]

I am RIGHT where you are now! Except we dated for 2.5 years not 5 years when I got the "I'm not happy and I don't think we should get married" schpeal. Anyway, my advise is get out of there ASAP. Move on however you have to, whether it's to go to a friend's place or get an apartment somewhere.

 

Do you like the town you are in now? Can you imagine staying there and meeting new people? Do you have friends (that aren't HIS friends)? If so, give it a shot for a few months to a year... If you don't like it, move later.

 

I'm leaving the town I grew up in (and shared with my ex) to venture into a new world of work and school in a town I have never lived in. Life has a way of taking you where you need to be. Do what feels right in your gut, and one day when it all gets sorted out you will understand why you had to be wherever you end up (and why you had to be single).

[stephjones]

thanks for the advice. I do have my own friends here, and i do like it here - but im just not sure if i would like it the same without him. i feel like everything would remind me of him. back where i am from, i have my family and lots of single friends - here, most of my friends are married and starting families.

 

people keep telling me that i should move out right away, whether i deecide to stay for awhile or move back as soon as i can. i guess im just scared to do that cause i want to spend as much time as i can with if if im leaving. since we are on good terms now, i feel like i want to make the best of the next month or so, but maybe that will make it harder??

 

im also so scared about moving away, and the fact that i wont be able to see him. im scared im literally going to go insane knowing that i cant see him anymore. i know i probably wont - people go through this every day, but im scared that i will not be okay so far away. at least here, i have som control, or at least i think i do. ugggghhhhhh! i dont know what to do!