Question About His Ex

[alona125]

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted here, but I've been doing great lately. Been with my current boyfriend for about 2 years, and things are going very well.

 

I was in a previous relationship where trust was a huge issue, and he cheated on me with his ex. We had a lot of issues, that maybe are affecting me today.

 

my question is with my current boyfriend. He keeps all notes and cards that he got from his past 2 ex's, including ALL of the ones I give him. Now I'm younger and kinda naive at the whole relationship thing, but he is 35 years old. He was getting a new desk this week, and I saw some of those old cards from an ex (i've met her) in which she said "forever yours, I love you forever, etc." They were really mushy and romantic cards, and I didn't mean to snoop, but I looked so I didnt' throw anything away that was important.

 

It hurts to see old cards like that from his ex, and it makes me wonder if they were so 'perfect' together, why it ended. He recently contacted her (she's married to a pastor) to find out some info on the church she goes to. He wanted me to go with him when he met her, and when he goes to church, so he's not hiding anything, but she was SO nice when I met her. She gave him a HUGE hug, and was super nice, and said she was glad I was taking good care of him.

 

Am I wrong in letting those old cards from an ex bother me, or do a lot of people save that stuff. I'm young, and he is my second boyfriend, and I would LOVE to let this go if it's not a big deal.

 

Thank you!

[amtjrtcet]

Glad to hear things have been going so well.

 

I can completely understand why you'd be hurt to find the old cards. I would feel the same way. I personally think its time for him to get rid of them.

 

As for trusting him, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

Maybe just mention the fact that him keeping the old cards kinda bothers you a little bit. That may be all it takes for him to throw them out. Sounds like he does care about your feelings seeing as how he took you with him to meet her.

 

Good luck!

[ButterflyWrists]

I keep old cards from Ex's ex friends friends and even if i have a copy of xmas cards i sent/send people i keep those! it's just something, to hold onto the happy memorries...

my bf hates it that i still have a copy of the card i sent an ex which ended about 3 years ago.. i can see his point, its obsesive, but it makesm e happy. =]

[secretsoul]

Its understandable that seeing such a card would be hurtful and leave you feeling confused. But the fact is, he is with you now, not with any of his exes. There is a REASON they are his exes. Speaking from EX-perience, (ha ha joke), there is emotional attachment to any deep relationship that you are ever involved in, usually. Though from your prospective it would be ideal of him to just forget his past wives/girlfriends, he's still going to care about them as people more than likely, especially if they were in a deep relationship. Keeping a gift or note doesn't mean he still loves them and wants to be with them, its more like keeping a gift from a close friend, because in reality thats the status those people hold to him now. Keep in mind that he is married to you, so obviously you are who he truly wants to be with. If there are further signs of discontent in the relationship, either on his side or yours, or if you suspect he is being unfaithful, you should tell him how you feel. Good luck!

[alona125]

Thank you everyone who responded. I really appreciate each of them!

 

What's funny is: I obsess over his ex's, and want to know all about them and he's like, "why do you always bring them up, i'm with you." He has a point, but it doesn't make the fact of seeing a very personal and loving card from an ex he still speaks with (she's married to a pastor though) easier.

 

I guess I just have to realize that he is with me, he isn't making a big deal about the ex's, I AM, and maybe I just need to chill with it. I don't react very well, and I guess I don't understand that someone can have a healthy, platonic relationship with an ex and not be "in love" with them. I'll learn as I get older I'm sure.

 

I wonder all the time (which I need to STOP) why he didn't stay with his happy, beautiful, and outgoing ex whom I've met. I have to realize though he's 35, and as someone said here, they're an ex for a reason. I see her on the surface, but I didn't see their relationship 5 years ago.

 

Thanks again!

[treefrogkate]

Exactly: They are an ex for a reason. Don't sweat it. He sounds like a really nice guy, and is obviously not hiding the fact that he is talking to her. Enjoy your time with him, and don't worry about what happened before. He's with you now!