I'm only here for 8 months, he's here Permanently.

[socal]

So due to my new job, I had to pack up and move 1700 miles from home to where I don't know a soul for hundreds of miles. I'm here for 8 months and it's been about 5 weeks... and I'm trying to make the best of what this place has to offer.

 

About a month ago, I made a friend and he was kind enough to welcome me and show me what the city has to offer. Introduce me to his friends, take me out for drinks, and rescue me because I'm not use to driving in snowy conditions. But this wasn't until 2 weeks ago. Prior to this, I was busy working and getting settled so we spent a lot of time texting, emailing, and getting to know each other that way. By the time we started hanging out, we were really comfortable with each other. I had no intentions other than friendship, but we hitted off from the get-go... faster than I knew I was falling for him. And here I thought I was emotionally unavailable and going to be celebate for the next 8 months. We spent the whole weekend together from friday to sunday both weekends. He took care of me when I felt like I had a little too much to drink, breakfast when I woke up, kisses on my forehead CONSTANTLY to make sure I was comfortable wherever I was at because I didn't know anyone... he even does it in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping.

 

Monday morning while at work he tells me he thinks we should be friends. It's not fair to get emotionally involved and then have me move away.

 

Everything happened so quicky I haven't even had time to think about it... but after that statement... I couldn't think about anything else. I know he's right. It's just logical. But it sucks. I was really bummed and the next day he told me he didn't sleep at all because he felt really bad for everything that has happened and for hurting my feelings... for "giving into temptation." He doesn't sleep much and I can tell he's a "thinker." He said he had 10 hrs of sleep the past 3 days and that he'd sleep better if he knew I didn't hate him. I don't hate him... but I'm naturally hurt. Then he confessed that although me leaving is the biggest reason why he's calling it off, he's been talking/dating/hanging out with another girl for a while now but then I came into the picture and caught him off guard. I don't know anything about this other girl or the status of what they have going on. I told him "don't let me stand in the way" but he said, "i'm not going to rush into anything. She's a nice girl and she lives here. but I didn't expect to have all these feelings for you."

 

That was the last conversation we had a few days ago. I haven't seen him since this past weekend and don't know how to approach this... should I bite the bullet and try to be friends? should i try to win his heart? i don't like the idea of standing around playing 2nd fiddle to this girl. If he's interested in her I wish the best for them. If we start dating where will we be months from now?

[willow2900]

should I bite the bullet and try to be friends? should i try to win his heart? i don't like the idea of standing around playing 2nd fiddle to this girl. If he's interested in her I wish the best for them. If we start dating where will we be months from now?

 

That's the biggest thing I guess. Where would you be in a few months from now. No chance you could stay there? Would you want to move permanently?

 

And 2nd fiddle, yes that would bug me too. I guess, unfortunautly, only you can really decide if you want to try and see if a relationship could work with him. But if he says he doesn't want to try, then that's half your answer. Do you see yourself being friends with him? Or would it be too hard? Is there something between you two that you feel is worth trying for?

[Suesser Tod]

At this point I think it would be pointless to even try to think if the relationship would be worth relocating, for any of you.

 

The only way to find out, is to let yourself go into that relationship.

 

 

I'm from the "rather know that it didn't work, than wonder forever if it could have worked" mindset.

[socal]

That's the biggest thing I guess. Where would you be in a few months from now. No chance you could stay there? Would you want to move permanently?

 

And 2nd fiddle, yes that would bug me too. I guess, unfortunautly, only you can really decide if you want to try and see if a relationship could work with him. But if he says he doesn't want to try, then that's half your answer. Do you see yourself being friends with him? Or would it be too hard? Is there something between you two that you feel is worth trying for?

 

I think given a little time I can be friends. I think the part that bothers me more is not knowing what we could have had... we have an incrediable bond as partners. (as I could tell after a few weeks) As for staying and relocating... I think if I don't go back to my home office I'd lose my job and I see myself working for this agency for decades to come. Way back in the beginning, I remember asking him if he'd ever move away from here since he's lived here all 26 yrs of his life. He said, he would, for the right job or for a good woman.

 

From my brief observation, he doesn't have much commitment here other than friends and family that would be difficult to move away from of course. He graduates in May and even spoke about traveling a bit for a while. My thought (and this is only a possibility!) is that he comes and lives with me on the west coast for a few years, and I can put in a request to transfer if he ever decided to move back... granted the relationship would go thus far, I wouldn't mind rasing a family in the midwest. But of course, that's taking things to the ultimate level... but also probably the only reason I would do such a thing.

[thisisjustsowrong]

Hi Socal- although your having to leave seems to be a problem, its something you might work out when the time comes (as he said that he might be willing to move away "for the right job and the RIGHT WOMAN"). But when all things considered, he decided to pursue this other girl. This should tell you something. I would back up a bit and keep things friendly for the moment. Do your thing, make new friends, explore the city, let it all settle itself. Good luck to you.

[ghost69]

well, it seems you have learned. now time to make a decision. do you like where you are at? just because he is there and you aren't together, no reason to move again.