i feel disrespected and not in control anymore

[psu11]

hey everyone,

 

i really dont know what to do. this past weekend i saw my ex while with mutual friends and all friday and saturday afternoon, we made small talk but didnt really say much to eachother. saturday night, i end up getting hit by a car (not hard) i just got a small bruse on my hip. i felt fine enough to still say out, so i limped to the bar. while at the bar a few friends were already there, my ex included...while on my way to the bathroom to look at my bruse he pulls me around and asks what happened. he asks if i needed to go the hospital and what he could go to help. i told him he could order me a beer and that i did not need a hospital because nothing was broken.

 

while standing at the bar with him, his ex gf of 3 years (the one before me) starts freaking out at him saying..."i see your talking to your ex, your missing your chances with me" and all this nonsense she told him how jealous she was of me while acting like a lunitic. quite frankly, me and my limp did not want to get involved so i stayed out of everything. after all, my ex an be with whoever he wants, its not my place to stop him.

 

well after everyone leaves, he helps me home cause i needed someone to hold onto while walking. we get back to my place and he dogs me! i was so offened. here he is forcefully kissing me after breaking upwith me on my birthday! i was floored. he says to me "everytime you look at me and smile i have to kiss you, and i dont think that will ever change" (ahem, lame)

 

i asked him how many girls he has been with since me and she said he had a one night stand and he was on three dates with someone else. i dont understand why he would continue to try things with me when he already has someone else. i felt bad for this girl i have never even met and here he is, not even asking me if i am serious with anyone, he had no reguard for my moved on life. now, i feel disrespected and i hate the fact that he will still try things while not wanting the commitment. he tells me he is dating other people, but he keeps comes back!! i want to say something to him but i dont know how, i do not deserve this. i really need some advice and feedback on this one.....](*,)

[Beec]

Well, before you being to rip him apart that much, the one thing that is clear is that this guy cares about you. He asked about the bruise and limp, and looked out for you there, even as you did not want him too. He was also the guy who walked you home when you needed help. So, don't be too hard on a guy who did to some extent look out for you and literally allowed you to lean on him. You need to keep people like that in your life, if you can.

 

Just because he is dating other people does not mean he does not think about being together with you. He may be having second thoughts about breaking up.

 

The real question is what do you really want?

[Stu147]

In terms of what to say to him I think you've say it perfectly well in this post. You could even print it out and give it to him!

 

In short you have to stop letting him do this to you. It's either all or nothing, and it doesn't look like he's prepared to give you all. So he can't keep picking you up and dropping you like he's doing. But he will continue to do it if you continue to let him do it, because he's getting the best of both worlds. Lay it out to him in black & white. Tell him he is either with you or he is not. And if he is not then he needs to stop playing with your mind and your emotions.

 

Seriously Psu, you are wasting too much time on this guy and getting nothing in return. Go out and get yourself a guy who will appreciate you, value you and treat you like his everything, not his part time thing.

 

Take care...

[Clementine orange]

Woah, take it easy on this guy.

 

Why on earth would you ask him how many other girls he had been with since you broke up. Don't ask the question if you are going to be disturbed by the answer.

 

Plus he finds you irresistible - how is that disrespectful?

 

"everytime you look at me and smile i have to kiss you, and i dont think that will ever change" (ahem, lame)" How is that lame? Some might find that rather romantic. Geez.

 

 

he dogs me! i was so offened I thought I was pretty "with it" but what the H does that sentance mean?

 

The drunken ramblings of some ex is a red herring and not relevant to the situation at hand. Don't be distratcted by this.

[psu11]

this is the same guy who broke up with me in june out of the blue... then after wanting to prove how much of a mistake he made, i gave him another chance. to which case, we were together for two months before he proceeded to break up with me on my birthday 2 months ago. this is the first time in two months i have seen him. sure, im thankful he walked me home and i did thank him. i dont mind the fact he has been with other people, we are not together and what he chooses to do with his life is his business. we were making conversation and asking eachother a bunch of questions on the walk home. the problem is when he tries to hook up with me even after he ended things. he is now dating these other girls so there is another factor involved. i feel bad for these other girls. i personally would not want to start dating a guy and find out he tried to hook up with his ex. when i start a new relationship i take no baggage with me because the new love does not deserve it. he hurt me twice, his pattern is cyclic and i just want to put my foot down because i dont want it to happen again.

 

and by dogging me i mean he forcefully kissed me, and i was offended.

[Clementine orange]

I didn't know the entire history of your relationship before giving advice. It sounds to me like he has had his chance (more than once even).

 

Forcefull kiss is not right - or even legal for that matter.

 

I agree, your foot needs to be put down, my new advice - avoid him at all costs.

[Beec]

If he broke up with you twice, then I would agree that things are cyclic, and that's a guy not worth taking a chance on dating again, unless, you could figure out what motivates him to want out while he is in the relationship with you, and want you when you are not dating him. It seems likely to me that he is very much motivated by the chase and/or the idea that "we want what we cannot have."

 

As far as the other women, I think that's something you keep your nose out of.

 

As far as him, there can be a certain extent to which you put your foot down. How? Not quite sure.

[flower99]

In short you have to stop letting him do this to you. It's either all or nothing, and it doesn't look like he's prepared to give you all. So he can't keep picking you up and dropping you like he's doing. But he will continue to do it if you continue to let him do it, because he's getting the best of both worlds. Lay it out to him in black & white. Tell him he is either with you or he is not. And if he is not then he needs to stop playing with your mind and your emotions.

 

Seriously Psu, you are wasting too much time on this guy and getting nothing in return. Go out and get yourself a guy who will appreciate you, value you and treat you like his everything, not his part time thing.

 

Take care...

I fully agree with every word of this.

Well said!

[Wandering_Sword]

This is getting out of control! I'm so angry about this I want to come down to where you are and sort this fellow out! It's just not right messing with people's emotions like that. I'm surprised that you would accept his assistance. I think that nothing short of your absolute spite is going to drive the point home.

And a quick lesson for you should he try to "dog" you again:

 

1.) He brings lips close to you.

2.) You drive flying elbow into face.

3.) Repeat step two as many times as necessary.

[psu11]

thanks everyone for your advice, there is some good stuff here.

 

 

beec, thats the problem...im not quite sure how to put my foot down. we dont really talk on the phone so i feel awkard calling him, and i see him maybe once every six weeks, so i feel awkard saying the next time i see him. online perhaps? but is that too cheesy? i guess im basically looking to give some sort of warning or heads up not to try to perue me while dating others and trying to move on

[Beec]

thanks everyone for your advice, there is some good stuff here.

 

 

beec, thats the problem...im not quite sure how to put my foot down. we dont really talk on the phone so i feel awkard calling him, and i see him maybe once every six weeks, so i feel awkard saying the next time i see him. online perhaps? but is that too cheesy? i guess im basically looking to give some sort of warning or heads up not to try to perue me while dating others and trying to move on

 

Is that what you want to tell him, or do you really want to tell him not to force himself on you, like he did in kissing you.

 

First, I am not the guy who would tell anyone not to pursue and date multiple women at once. I'd tell a woman to do it too. I did that, and if single would again, but I also know there are limits. Once in a relationship, you should be in only that. I could not say that he was in one having been on only a few dates with a woman.

 

This guy has had a few chances and blew them. If you were ever to give him another chance, then I would assume he would need to do some growing up before then. And I think he should need to earn his way back in. While I don't know, I bet that he begged and pleaded and told you lots of things to get back in, while he really did not do all hat much to get there. In other words, he told you a lot, but did not put in lots of other effort. A guy who invests in arelationship is not likely to just throw it away. So, if you ever let him back, make sure he invests heavily as you see him. And during this time, to make sure he was investing, maybe you should probably be the one open to seeing another person. It would indicate to him that he had not yet got you.

 

I think you basically tell him that he has blown his chances that you see him getting, that he has some growing up to do and that he needs to figure out what he wants before he ever comes trying to get you back, and that in the interim, he needs to keep his hands and lips to himself, or your hands may find your way to quickly meet his face. I would not be mean or nasty in saying this, just firm. So maybe it should be said with your voice, not typed.