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Just a thought...

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First off, I am not even sure if this belongs in this sections but it seemed to fit the best (at least from my perspective).


So, as of late I have been having increasingly difficult time finding a reason to continue. It seems for the last 2 years my life has been on a steady decline. I know, I am young; although, I am old enough to know that my options are vastly limited and continue to shrink. It seems every time I crawl out of one hole, I immediately fall right into a deeper one. I don't care to get into the details but, Its all so stifling. I feel enclosed, surrounded with no place to go.


Right now I have a few threads of hope that I am attached to but, what scares me is what I might do when they too disapear. I will have nothing but my apartment and the things in it. I feel as if I am a growing burden to my family and those around me.


I have had a multitude thoughts about ending my life. Its never an if, its always a how. How to arrange it, how to make it easier for those to deal with it in my after-math. How I would do it and what-not.


In the same instant, I wonder if I should not already be dead. It seems my life has been on this downward spiral ever since I "escaped death" in 2005. If you have read any of my prior threads it is likely its about this. But, most of the doctors wrote me off and terminal and I should have died 10-20 minutes later.


I know my family would be saddened but, I ponder, would they have been happy to see my die, ending the pain I was in. Or would they be more saddened to know the pain I feel each day amounts the agony I felt (literally) dying of internal hemorrhaging in 05?

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You say that you feel as thought you are a growing burden on your family and the people around you. But I'm sure if you talked to your family you would find this is not the case.


Trust me, there is always another option besides suicide. Three and 1/2 years ago I lost a very dear friend because of suicide. I sometimes wonder what went through his head before he killed himself, whether he thought no one would be there for him if he opened up. Hundreds of friends and family members showed up to his funeral, hundreds of people- crying, and wishing they could have done anything to prevent it.


There is always another option. I know it may not seem that way when times are rough, but there is. It might not be an easy option, it might be something you are scared to do, like ask a friend for help... but it's still an option.


Have you ever thought of getting any kind of counciling? If money for it is an issue, you could find a free clinic in your area, most offer some kind of counciling services.


Just please, know that you are valued, know that you are loved, by more people that you probably realize. Life throws some really hard blows sometimes, but you can ask for help, whether professional, or from a friend... and someone will be there to help you through the tough patches.

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