Khollest Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 First off, I am not even sure if this belongs in this sections but it seemed to fit the best (at least from my perspective). So, as of late I have been having increasingly difficult time finding a reason to continue. It seems for the last 2 years my life has been on a steady decline. I know, I am young; although, I am old enough to know that my options are vastly limited and continue to shrink. It seems every time I crawl out of one hole, I immediately fall right into a deeper one. I don't care to get into the details but, Its all so stifling. I feel enclosed, surrounded with no place to go. Right now I have a few threads of hope that I am attached to but, what scares me is what I might do when they too disapear. I will have nothing but my apartment and the things in it. I feel as if I am a growing burden to my family and those around me. I have had a multitude thoughts about ending my life. Its never an if, its always a how. How to arrange it, how to make it easier for those to deal with it in my after-math. How I would do it and what-not. In the same instant, I wonder if I should not already be dead. It seems my life has been on this downward spiral ever since I "escaped death" in 2005. If you have read any of my prior threads it is likely its about this. But, most of the doctors wrote me off and terminal and I should have died 10-20 minutes later. I know my family would be saddened but, I ponder, would they have been happy to see my die, ending the pain I was in. Or would they be more saddened to know the pain I feel each day amounts the agony I felt (literally) dying of internal hemorrhaging in 05? Quote Link to comment
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