this is just a vent.

[aerials]

We broke up more than a month ago. No, I don't expect to be over it, but it's still awful. I try to keep from checking his myspace, somedays I can and somedays I can't. I think he's seeing a new girl. I got some really good advice concerning NC on the break up board the other day, but at 4 in the morning, we were both online and I cracked. I'm sorry, everyone who gave me advice. I just freaked out. I didn't say anything detrimental, we just chatted about the basics. I didn't say anything about what had happened. when he was leaving he said, unprompted, that he'd been sad about the whole thing. but then he seemed to backtrack and said "well, have a good day" and left.

 

Probably not the best idea for NC, but I don't regret it. I got a better idea of where I stand. Everytime I remember he's seeing someone new, it's as if I'm finding out for the first time. The knot in my stomach is just as bad, and I shake just as badly. So I guess it got me down. I'm getting anxious so easily. I can't eat much. I'm just exhausted.

 

phew, felt good to write it out, though.

 

Andrea

[Caldus]

God can I relate to that knot feeling. Try knowing for sure that she left me for another guy. I had that feeling for a good two months before it started getting less and less painful. It's been almost 2 months NC for me and I am already getting a lot better. Probably because I have been meeting a lot of new people lately and keeping busy with things. You should do the same. If you have to, delete your Myspace account or find some way to restrict yourself from ever going to his profile again (if that's even possible). I won't lie, you're going to feel that knot for a while. But if you don't really start this NC process, the knot feeling is going to be at full strength. As soon as you let NC start though, the knot progressively gets less and less painful over time. But it's very gradual unfortunately.

[mcnani]

you have this time to make a new start, distance yourself from the situation (and if you feel NC will help you, do that--it's helped me)... you don't want to keep re-introducing yourself to the fact that he has someone new or he's moving on... you want to be doing the moving on yourself. keep up the NC as long as it helps you.

 

i've noticed whenever i've broken NC, the longer time passed while i re-initiated NC, the less i felt bad about 1. breaking it and 2. the fact that my ex may have been seeing someone new... the more time/distance you have from it the easier it is to push it out of your mind when you think about it.

 

stay strong and i know how you feel!

[aerials]

oh, I gave myself a good 1.5 months of NC (as much as possible, we work in the same office). which doesn't sound like a lot, but I was committed to it. So. I think it's back to that. and I don't think I have a choice...not entirely because I'm afraid of being shut down, I just think I'll get physically sick if I have to have a conversation with him right now.

 

I have been staying busy, but this has been one of those patches where it feels like I'm just going through the motions, despite several good distractions.

 

Congrats on your 2 months -- it sounds like things didn't end well, but I'm glad it's getting better.

[mintblossom]

sometimes i hate myspace and these online networking sites for the very same reasons. same reason i stay off aim, msn and all that. i cant do that to myself anymore. no no no.