Who still has trouble after MONTHS of NC?

[rimshot22]

I'm essentially on month 8 of NC (broke it about a month ago when I sent her one of her belongings in the mail-it was expensive and felt she should have it back)...have not spoken to or seen her in that time. For the most part, I'm doing pretty well, but I still seem to have periodic moments of obsessing over the relationship-even will shed a few tears now and then. I know the answer is time, time, time...but when is enough enough?

 

Anyone else find they have this problem?

[terk2021]

Rimshot,

 

Yes. The answer for everyone is different with regards to time. Each of us are built differently, heal differently. I still find myself from time to time thinking about my ex. There are still reminders, and they will probably always be there. The key is being able to deal with them. Part of it is still thinking "what if" sometimes. Also, wondering how they are doing is part of it as well. You probably would not be human if you did not have those feelings from time to time.

 

As long as you are moving in the right direction and these feelings are less and less, then you are doing OK. If you still have some of her stuff and she has not asked for it by now, I would put it away, store it somewhere else, or simply get rid of it. They serve as reminders, and appearantly are not that important to her...

[isidore]

Been over 3 months for me. Haven't heard hide nor hair from her. Even though she discarded me and then apparently emigrated to Ganymede I still think about her. I'm not a mess every day like I was, but it's weird: I still break down sometimes when I'm not even thinking of her- just out of the blue. I don't know when enough time is enough. But you've made it 8 months and you are to be commended. I hope I get there too.

[caro33]

Well it depends how long you were together too, how deep it was.

 

For me, when my 10 yr one ended I was still having the occasional tear a year later, but more melancholy than heartbroken.

 

I guess I found over the years since that you never forget, but you do stop caring as much. You compartmentalise it and you build new experiences until that previous you is just like a character from a movie or a book - you watch from the outside, perhaps empathising but not feeling it personally in a visceral way.

 

I still think about the ex but now to be grateful he's not around!

[Wandering_Sword]

It just turned 13 weeks for me and I still get the occasional twinge now and then. But it is becoming less and less. Over time I think the experiences fade or your soul develops a form of callous to it.

[Pkittie]

I know exactly how you feel. I am not over my ex bf. We broke up in may2005

and he back back in nov 2005 saying sorry not wanting to get together. we tried to be frens but I cudn't handle it. Finally he left 4 India in may 2006. Since then I have been missing him. some days are good somedays are awful. When you REALLY like someone it's very hard to get over them. I sent him an e card on his b'day & broke months of NC...we chatted for 10 min but bottomline is that when there is no love in our lives we tend to remember our past and it's perfectly normal. I sleep in my bed & wonder when when when will I get him out of my system...whenever I watch emotional movies I'm a complete mess...

[finewhine]

Rimshot - oh yes, it's totally normal. I am at the 10 month mark and he's STILL not out of my system. I want nothing more than to eradicate him from all of my thoughts.

 

Fortunately, my feelings have diminished so significantly. As Caro said, thinking about it becomes more of an intellectual exercise. It's more about me now.

 

Don't worry, dude. Someday we're gonna look back and not care at all. Someday. That day has to come. It just has to.