No Contact- Talking Business

[kate111]

Is it best to call the ex and talk directly to them about financial matters or is an indirect method such as email better?

 

We still have some matters to work out unfortunately, but due to work commitments I cannot sort them out for another few weeks. So I am leaving it until then.

 

But when I can do it, how should I do it?

 

Also should I try to get all I can financially or be a doormat until the end? I'm scared if I insist on getting my way he will tell everyone my secrets... that's irrational isn't it? It's just really hard when someone goes from bestfriend to someone else.

[melrich]

When you talk about financial matters, what are you exactly talking about? Is it property and joint investmenst or is it everday possessions?

 

How long were you together and what was your marital status?

[laboheme]

I also had some financial issues to sort out with my ex. As far as the amount of money, my rule of thumb was to get as much as I could without feeling guilty about it. I knew that if I pushed too hard, even if he gave in, I'd end up having a guilt trip because I'd feel like one of those stereotypical divorced wives, and that wasn't worth it. But I also didn't want to just let it all go. What I ended up doing was basically reminding him that he still had an outstanding balance (I had lent him money) without stating exactly how much I wanted. Fortunately, his idea of what he owed me matched mine quite well, so it all worked out. Maybe you should try something more oblique like that first, and if he doesn't give you anything/doesn't give you enough, push a little bit...But then again, only go as far as you're comfortable.

 

Discussing things over the phone is definitely easier -- not to mention that it's more assertive -- but you should take that route ONLY if you are confident that you will not get emotional (crying or yelling) at the sound of his voice and will be able to discuss matters calmly and reasonably. If in a few weeks you're still not sure about how you'll react, then resort to email...

[bitbybit]

Is it best to call the ex and talk directly to them about financial matters or is an indirect method such as email better?.

 

Email is better, since all numbers are typed out, and you can remember exactly what was said and agreed to.

 

Also should I try to get all I can financially or be a doormat until the end?

 

Not sure what your marital situation is - but your use of the word "doormat" gives me a clue that you want to try to get all you can. For sure go for this, use a lawyer if necessary to get what you deserve.