cheating and healing

[travelgurl]

My boyfriend and I who were in a long distance relationship broke up middle of January. I found out he had been cheating on me by looking at his phone and finding a text message from a old girlfriend and one he wrote telling her that they should meet and he would love to see her blah blah blah. I had spent a month with him a month previous and had asked him if was with someone else to which he replied no. I asked him abut his message and he said it was his ex trying to get back with him I then asked him 4 more times if he had been with anyone else and by the 4th time said yes he had, about a month or so after I visited him in August. Of course I freaked out and said everythijng under the sun and then we were going to try and work it out and he said he thought we had something and wanted to try. A week goes by and I found something else out and I freaked out again and then said I cant do this anymore, im angrier than I thought. He told me he didnt feel the same way about me and it was becasue of the distance. We ended up breaking up and after me just getting angry everytime I spoke to him, have had no contact although he contactted me once to say goodby. ( we are both working in the same country and he was going back to his) I had more words to say and he asked me if he could email me to see how I was doing and I said if you want to do it and if you dont, then dont. He said would you be able to handle it and I said back up, im not hurt anymore im really angry and I basically just said good luck with your life and he said the same. I have not heard anything from him since January 30 and I have not emailed him at all. He said he cares about me and that I was special to him but he cheated on me so obviously not. And why the hell does he say he wants to work it out and then the next day tell me he doesnt? He said he didnt want to get tied down but why couldnt he have told me so I would have at least known? Why would he stay? What would be the point? How do you put this behind you? A part of me wants him to cntact me so i can tell him off again but really Ive said everything so what more can I say? he said he was sorry but i think its because he got busted. He told me he was going to tell me but he lied 4 times about it so I dont think he was going to let me know! he said he didnt want to lose me by telling me so thats why he didnt. Do you think this is true? Im trying to heal but I have alot of anger still and its hard. I do think no contact is the best way to heal, i have good days and bad days. Its just been over a month now and I feel a bit of letting go and then it comes back! Can you help? Im trying to get some answers to help me deal with this so if anyone has any insight on why people would do this, please let me know

 

TG

[jenna1012]

keep it up with the no contact, it's the only way to truly heal. and truthfully, there is no 'easy' way out of this, it's going to hurt and it's going to suck. i've been in your position and it's takens MONTHS to get over him, but it does happen and all you can do is stay strong and stick it out.

 

good luck.

[LiL_MiSs_NeY]

i agree thats it better to keep up with the no communication. i can see that u recognise urself that he isnt good for u especially with the whole cheating thing but if you start talking to him again you'll start to hope you're wrong. and then everytime he does something that tells you he's no good ul ignore it because all those feelings will come back clouding ur judgement. and then everytime he comes through and surprises u, he wins u over and u lose the argument with yourself that he's no good for u.

 

And u rly dnt need to torture urself by keeping in contact with him and letting all those old feelings come back. It will just be a repetitive process where you may or may not go to bed at night going over every detail wondering what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood how he felt about you and how the hell you could have thought you were that happy. Sometimes u may even convince urself that hel wake up to himself and want to get back together. But after all that however long it may be ul go to new places and meet new people who will make u feel worthwhile again and all the built up anger and hurt he caused u wil eventually begin to fade and then ul find a guy who he wont even be able to compare to so keep ur chin up