keeping it inside

[Stinkweed]

A little follow-up on this thread:

 

 

 

on which I doubt I'll get many more replies seeing as how it is no longer up on the front page...

 

Anyway, I still don't have a clue about what I should do... I wish there were something like that movie, school for scoundrels where they teach the guy to be a bad*beep* or something. I really don't know what to do... Please, any suggestions? If only people would learn to mind their own business and let the others do their own thing...

[herenow]

Sorry to hear that people have been treating you badly. It has happened to most of us at some point or another in our lives.

 

You can't change other people. It would be an insult to their free will if you could. You wouldn't want someone else changing YOU, right? That's what you said in your earlier thread.

 

Do remember that people who mistreat others will have to live with the consequences of their own actions, which in the long run won't be good if they keep mistreating people. They will have trouble keeping good jobs with good people; they will have troubled relationships and marriages. These people are NOT happy people, otherwise they would not be harassing you. Can you see how unhappy they are?

 

Their actions are not about you at all. You haven't been put down--you haven't changed into someone worthless just because someone else insults you. Their actions are about THEM. It's about how they feel bad about themselves and think that the only way to feel better is to try to put someone else down.

 

Again...you can't change other people. There will always be unhappy (and hence abusive) people in the world. You don't have to be one of them.

 

You CAN change your own reaction to other people's actions and find some peace within yourself. By changing your own reactions, you can start to minimize the amount of harassing action that crosses your path and get more respect and support from NICE people.

 

If you truly want to be respected, I suggest analyzing the people in the world who are more respected than most and have stood the test of time in being respected. You will find that each of them had suffered terrible experiences of being treated badly and unfairly. What led to them being respected is that they had the strength to overcome bitterness and turn their experiences into lessons that they used to turn the world into a better place. They did not win their battles through hatred or violence. We each have the capacity to transcend the ill treatment we receive.

 

I don't think you will ever completely stop running into unhappy people who throw emotional darts at others.

 

With time, you will simply get better at AVOIDING those people (you can start to see some of them from a mile away just from their body language, facial expression, choice of language, etc.), or at DODGING their darts when they throw them (you develop an outlook of compassion for their unhappiness and realize that as an adult, you can't fundamentally be damaged by their unhappiness. It's not about you, it's about THEM.)

 

Look for people who seem happy and don't seem to be bothered by anything, and ask them how they do it, and learn from them. You can do it, too.

 

It's to your benefit to learn your way past anger. Anger just ruins YOUR health, and makes you a candidate for heart disease, mental problems, etc.

 

I really agree with the the others who are suggesting counseling. There's nothing WRONG with you, that's not what counseling is always about. It can simply be about learning how to handle the natural feelings that arise within you when life happens, so that you are more empowered in the end to enjoy the time that you have no matter what anyone else does.

 

Hope you can see how much freedom you have.

[honeyspur]

My only other suggestion would be to include your past in this attitude/reaction you are feeling.

It is possible that you are dealing with "old stuff" - a past where you WERE picked on - a family that did not make you feel safe or an argumentitive family. Perhaps you felt critisized a lot.

I bring this up because it's possible you were not taught how to deal with a very common issue.

Not letting other people get to you and not judging others when you don't know them very well.

If this is possible, you shouldn't blame yourself or feel guilty - you may not have been taught. And yes, this kind of thing needs to be learned - it's not a natural state of being.

 

This may be off, since I don't know you, but I think you are noticing how irrational some of this belief of others you have is. I sense in your writing that you realize intellectually that people can't be that evil, but somehow you don't believe it or feel it in your heart.

 

You seem exceptionally intelligent and articulate and capable of getting a grip on this - even admitting things to yourself you may have been pushing aside, so I have a lot of faith in you.

 

Ultimately if you cannot get free of this, you should speak to a professional - though I agree with the advice above. I'm sure you know someone who never seems to be affected by anything and can learn from them.

Thank you for posting again and I hope you will continue to keep us informed.

[Stinkweed]

I really don't know what to do. I mean, I'm not planning on starting to swing away at the next dude who laughs in my prescence. I mean, violence is not my thing. But I just wish that I could do something so they won't keep doing it, you know?