Crush or Love: How can I stop the cycle ?

[JadeMonkey]

Ever since High School I had a crush on this girl. All through high school I couldn't even look at her nevermind talk to her, I am way too shy.

 

So after graduation went by and we went to separate colleges I asked a mutual friend for her AIM name and we have been talking on their for about 2 years now.

 

All that time she has had a boyfriend though. But I think things are starting to turn sour in their relationship, she said she told him she needed some time (who knows what that means when a girl says that, everything has double meanings ),and we have been building a great friendship (at least I think so ... ).

 

She knows things I have not and will not tell anyone else. And at this point I am not even interested in any other women on my campus. Back in high school I will admit I did think about other girls, and that is because back then I think it was just a crush. But now I think there is really something substantial happening.

 

However she shares her feelings with me but not nearly in the volume that I do, and it has taken awhile to get her to open up (very sloooooow but I am just glad she is willing to acknowledge my esistance).

 

We are about 1-2 hours away from each other and we live really close together, but we have never really done anything together and I want to just hang out with her for like 5 minutes .... We work all the time to pay for school, and in the past she spent all her free time with her boyfriend so there wasn't really any room for me. Should I just keep my mouth shut because of the long distance? I really dont care about the distance because the relationship I want is not about sex (can wait if she wants... ), but it would be great to see her whenever we can meet.

 

Could she just be "being nice" ? (What kind of girl can do that for two years?)

 

How can I get over it if she just wants to be friends and doesn't see me as boyfriend material ?

 

Should I even ask anything about our relationship now that she is in a grief period (20 month relationship with her last boyfirend is on its way down and out it looks like, how long is too long? i.e. her getting another boyfriend before I can say anything? how long is too short? i.e. seeming like an ass for just swooping in right away).

 

I am here because ... well I cant deal with it anymore. She helps me with a lot of my issues and I feel so close to her, but there are still these things I feel like I can't share because she would never talk to me again. Mostly because these issues are all dealing with my feelings for her.

 

Im a junior in college, this is supposed to be the best time of my life. But instead I am alone crying and sleeping in my room all weekend ...

[dragon26]

Its easy for this girl to seem perfect when she's two hours away and you communicate mostly through IM. She has her own hands full with an apparently sour relationship, but remember this is from her perspective only. You're not there so you're not seeing it for yourself.

 

Take it easy - you are a junior in college and YES you should be enjoying yourself. Even if she did look at you as the boyfriend is a long distance thing something you want.

 

Stop worrying about it, if she is the one - you two will get together eventually. For now, go out DO NOT say in your room this weekend. Live by some song lyrics "Love the one you're with" - Enjoy

[JadeMonkey]

Should I let her know how I really feel though? Think she would disown me if I told her about the crush and how I feel about her now?

 

But there is also the flip side, I am a Junior, but in the same time as her last relationship (~20 months). I will be out looking for a job. She will be working on her Masters in Psych.

 

This opens up the fact that I could go see her if she wanted (could now if I had a car ..... thanks a lot tutition for bleeding me dry). And I wouldn't want to go and see her with a new boyfriend.

 

No offense but I think its all to easy to say get up and go do stuff, but I can't .... I have had these feelings for her since highschool (so its like 6 years) and she still doesnt know. They won't go away with a weekend of binge drinking or hanging out with the guys. Both make it worse. So I plan to play videogames and hide til sunday night when I can talk to this girl again.

 

I have tried in the past to go out and meet other girls (usually when I feel as if this girl is not intersted) to try and 'get away' but I don't seem to get any attention from women at all, almost as if I am invisible (or im stupid and I am missing an intricate detail). I am extremely shy so I think I am very lucky to even have this girl as a friend in the first place. Think that [shyness] could be part of my problem?

 

 

Thanks for the reply, I really want to get this ironed out.

[persephonesleeps]

listen to your feelings and follow your heart

what does your gut say?

 

if she is as great as you say, you won't stop being your friend if it isn't mutual...she might need space for a bit though to sort through her feelings

 

patience!

[JadeMonkey]

Would it be better to wait til we both have a break and go home, and then invite her to go do something as friends to see how she reacts physically to my presense? It's hard to pick up on some things over AIM.

 

And I could see her and maybe sneak a hug out of the deal

 

Only thing that bothers me about that is the possibility of another guy coming along.

 

Or her being to busy to do anything.

[bexcelant]

Goal is Marriage right?

 

When she gets married what do you think will happen to her opposite sex friends? They will get dropped or drift away slowly. Maybe maintain light contact like Christmas Cards or something but that's about it.

 

My point is this..you don't do anything..you'll lose her eventually anyhow..just a matter of time. You'll lose her to another guy...and you're friendship is gonna be toast. It's just a timing thing...so to me..there is nothing to lose!!! Go for it!!!! Life is about taking chances.