GIRLS: answer me this easy question...

[scott]

if you've got a long-termer bf, say 10 years+, and you fall in love with another guy, what would you do?

 

1. leave bf and set up as single, so you can hang out with new guy

2. stay with old, hang out with new guy anyway, see how it goes

 

in other words, jump from one to another or jump off and cross your fingers??

 

please enlighten me!!

[pimpcess]

My personal opinion is cheating is wrong. I would have a long discussion with my boyfriend of 10 years, that is a very long time, to long to just leave someone without talking it through.

 

But in the long run I'd be hurting everyone if I was to stay with someone I wasn't happy with.

 

I think honesty is the best policy, If someone had gave me ten years of there life, I'd at least owe them an explanation.

 

~Pimpcess~

[Inkognito]

definitely #2!

 

It's always the same story: you know what you leave behind, but not what you'll find next!

 

good luck

[NeedClosure]

I would probably do no 2. Considering how powerful love can be I can understand her wanting to know something about the other guy even if she has a long term current bf. But i dont think i would just leave.

[Princess777]

This is something I don't think anyone can answer unless they're in those shoes. Of course, most of our problems here are like that. Personally, being female, I would never put myself in a situation where I could POSSIBLY fall in love with someone else if I was committed to someone. But, given your hypothetical question, I would be honest with myself before saying anything to either of them. I would stop contact with the new person at the very beginning of those kinds of feelings. Then I would be honest with myself by doing some soul searching, talking it out with my best friend to get an objective point of view, and then make a decision and stick to it. I definitely would NOT string my guy along and go behind his back seeing the other guy to find out if the grass is greener on the other side. That's just dirty.

 

Princess777

[secret_agent_man]

Here's my opinions on this topic, from the 10 year boyfriend's point of view. If he is dedicated to you, and you feel like you want to go elsewhere, you really should tell him. Whether you like it or not, emotional cheating is still cheating, and I don't think it's any different how you cheat in the long run. The fact is, your mind is cheating on him already, so I would suggest showing this man a little respect by at least not dragging it on any further.

 

If you don't want to lose him, than it's a choice you would have to make... to not let yourself cheat again, in mind or in body. I am hurt by the thought of these other replies (besides Princess777)... try to put yourself in his position, if he was just hanging around with a new girl to find out if he wanted to leave you or not you'd probably be very hurt, especially after 10 years!

 

So, my opinion is, you either choose to be with him or choose not to, but you can't have everything, you have to take a risk and make a choice if you truly have any caring feelings for your boyfriend.

 

I know that post was more directed to any women who feel like going with the second option, but it still shows my point I hope.

 

Good luck

S.A.M.

[Mar]

I agree with Secret......you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you're even CONSIDERING being with someone else, there's obviously something wrong in your relationship now, even if it's just boredom. But it's not fair to your boyfriend to sleep next to him every night, make love to him, talk to him, while you're thinking of another man, regardless of whether he knows about the other guy or not. If you're having doubts about your relationship now, then give it a break so you can sort out how you feel.....but don't expect him to wait for you while you do it, you can consider yourself lucky if he does! And if you DO take that break, and he wants you back, go back to him for the right reasons, not because you don't like suddenly sleeping alone.

[JadeMonkey]

for anyone in this dilema

 

if i was the second guy in this situation I would be just as mad at the girl for 'having her cake and eating it to" as the boyfriend would be.

 

and it also would make me think that she would do it again if we got into a relationship, so it would show (to me) a lack of self control and lack of respect.

 

I would have to have a talk with a girlfriend of 10 years (thats freaking alomst half of the time i've been alive !!) If I wanted to go with another girl. But that is a lot of time to just throw away if the new person isn't what you thought.