shy or not interested?

[sasha_faye]

Although I don't plan on rushing into a relationship, I have always had feelings for my close friend.

 

Last year, when my boyfriend-at-the-time and I weren't really "official" but we were dating and fooling around, I told my friend "Joe" (I needed a pseudonym, whatever) that I had some developing feelings for him.

His response? "Cool."

He's 20 and has never had a girlfriend (or been kissed, or anything of the like) before, so I kind of figured this would be his response.

Then he said "I have to think about things" and he didn't speak to me for a week. After the week passed, we were best friends again. I decided to take this as a giant red flag that he "just wasn't that into me" and to move on with the guy I was already seeing.

 

So my boyfriend-at-the-time and I became "official" and had a lot of fun together, and I still remained great friends with Joe. Joe and I always hung out. We had a lot in common. He would always come to different stage productions I was in (even "The Vagina Monologues") and was always there to be my personal cheerleader.

 

Fast forward to over a year later. A couple months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. Naturally, I've been devastated, but I've also been secrety happy that I can date other boys again. I've been dating somewhat casually, but I always, always want to be with my friend Joe.

 

He's been coming over to my room more recently. He always comes by to say "goodnight." When we watch TV together, he always puts his arms around me. His heart beats slightly faster when I have my head on his chest. He'll rub his stubble against my cheek and neck (because he knows stubble strangely arouses me). Occasionally, when we're cuddling, he'll even kiss my cheek. (Or if I fall alseep before he leaves, he'll kiss me goodnight after he tucks me in and turns off my computer and locks my door...) Oh, and I'm number 1 on his myspace top 8. Just in case THAT means anything...! Hahaha. Man.

 

He hasn't mentioned liking any girls before, but I'm convinced he's not gay. Now he's almost 21, still never had a girlfriend, still never been kissed. (He's not unattractive or weird, either!)

 

Is he just super friendly because we're good friends?! Or is he just super shy?! Should I bring it up AGAIN that I like him?! Or is he going to think I'm stupid for not "taking the hint" last year?

 

It's getting harder and harder for me to have any platonic feelings for him. I feel as though I am going to explode. ](*,)

[SoDone]

why are you convinced he's not gay? from your post, it sounds like there's a good possibility he is.

[sasha_faye]

perhaps he is gay.

damn. that would suck for me quite a bit. (not that i don't APPROVE, i just... well, yeah, like him.)

 

does this mean i shouldn't tell him that i'm sprung?

[SoDone]

i have a gay friend who loves straight porn and has kinky pictures of naked women all over his walls. to each his own, i guess.

 

i'm not trying to make you think that "Joe" necessarily IS gay; i'm just suggesting that you be careful with your heart so it doesn't get broken.

[Alabama]

He likes you; go ask him out already.

[Batya33]

He knows you are interested in him and thereforeeee the risk of rejection is very low if he were to ask you out. It could be that he simply enjoys things the way they are - friendship, friendly cuddling, and that's about it. You've done more than enough to show him you are interested in dating as well as in hooking up -- if he does not ask you out, I would assume he was not interested in dating you or not available for a relationship (it could be he is trying to pursue someone else and has not asked that person out yet).

[chantal]

I was inlove with my bestfriend once , it is such a stong and painfull thing when they just dont like you that way.

But it really seems he likes you. And i doubt he is gay , i mean you would know. my friend figured out i was bi cuz i was always checking out girls. Being gay is hard to hide from friends.

Id say dont ask him out cuz he might get scared again, i say just let what happen, happen.

he kisses you on the check? thats not just a friendly thing, He is showing he cares about you and if he is one of your BESTFRIENDS, and he knows how you feel about him he wouldnt lead you on for no reason..... he wouldnt want to hurt you. right?

so I think you should just leave it be , dont ask him out but treat him more then a friend. like when he has his arm around you slowly grab his hand and when he kisses you on the check smile and look at him and slowly flirt with him.

Who says that u have to ask him out? actions are louder then words

just go with the flow and pretty soon you will be together .

Keep me posted i wanna know how this works out,

and everytime you are together just try to become a little closer with him.

[Altruist]

OP, is this guy painfully shy? I don't get the impression that he's shy because he is able to spend time alone with you in your room, and even tuck you in. I'm sure even the nice, shy guys on this forum will agree that this behaviour is unusual and inconsistent with that of a heterosexual shy guy. Perhaps he's gay, as others have suggested or maybe he lacks sexual feelings.