.... and the reason to break NC is?

[sfindependent]

i havent spoken to her in 5months, and ive definitely, DEFINITELY been a changed man. A lot of people see it, even when I'm not TRYING to be a differnt person, I've changed.

 

I want to call her, even just surprise her by stopping by her work this weekend, talk to her for 5mins. I'm not looking for a reconciliation... I'm not looking for her to run to my arms. I just want her to know I still exist, that I've thought about it, and that I am a different person from the person she hated most for the longest time

 

I just want her to know she's made a difference in my life. That I couldnt see how I was before if it werent for her. and how sorry i am for not being there for her when she needed me most.

 

I've accepted that we wont ever be together again. But, I don't think i will ever stop loving her, and comparing her to the people who would be coming into my life.

 

good idea? no?

[keefy1972]

Well the key to showing you've changed is to do just that: Show her! You can't call her and say you have. That just sounds like hogwash. What you should do, in my opinion, is find an online article that she may find interesting. Send it to her and say something like, "Hey, I saw this and thought about you. Thought you might enjoy it". And let the ball get rolling that way. If she writes you back to say thanks, then you can reply with whatever...how ya been and so on. But the point is you can't talk to her to tell her you've changed. The only way she is going to believe it is to see it...not hear it.

[isidore]

Since you've changed and improved you really have no reason to contact her in any way. You changed yourself and have no need to thank her for that, so pat yourself on the back because you did it. You sound a bit (just a hunch here) like you still want to be with her. Personally, I don't think it's a good idea. After 5 months do ya'll really have anything to talk about?

[sfindependent]

I guess you're right... I guess we won't have anything good to talk about, personally I hold a little bit of resentment as to what happened between us. I feel as if i was dragged a bit into the ground, but a lot of it was my own fault.... none of it was due to me actually thinking internally and looking at what was wrong with me, how I affected her, what I've done, and what I could do to change myself and how i am in the relationship.

 

I feel as though I've gotten better. I've learned to communicate better, become less reactive and all sorts of stuff. all of which could have helped me with the relationship we had. Right now, I've gota bigger neck to support the head on my shoulders, a better heart open to love and be loved. I've matured enough to actually show I care.

 

Along with the time that passed by, I'm sure she's changed a lot too. she probably met a lot of people and might even still be dating the guy she jumped in the sack with the moment we broke up. She might not care about how I really am and who I'm or was with, and all that jazz. I don't know.

 

But how will I ever know if I don't try?

 

Am I ready to talk to her? I couldn't even look at her myspace page. Maybe coz I would lack control of the situation. if i see her, i can leave just as easily as I came. I would never know what happened to her in the past few months (since I'm assuming she would put it in her myspace) and would go back into obscurity if things dont go as well I would hope...

 

am i looking for another relationship with her? right now I dont know, honestly maybe a little, but ive become a realist and how things went so bad when we broke up. But i've also realized I wasnt there for her when she actually needed me.

 

I know she's working this weekend, she always does. But I know she might misconstrue my intentions and whatnot.

 

also, I'm not sure on how i would accept her life. she's only 20 and i know as soon as she hits legal drinking afe, she's going to have a lot more freedom in what she can do....

 

if i dont ever try, will i ever know? is it worth it?

[sfindependent]

...help? I don't want to be her bf, or want anything like that anymore. I know that, i've lost that chance when she left me. She's one of those people who doesnt go back to her ex's once the relationship is over. She's probably caught up in her life right now, I don't know. I havent checked her myspace in months. I wasnt there for her when we were together, that was one of my biggest shortcomings with her. But now, as a person, as someone who i cared for a lot, i regret not being able to be there for her, as a friend. eh.

 

maybe i shouldnt evenbother. argh. the crap the ebb and flow bring, eh?

[Zaphod]

She's one of those people who doesnt go back to her ex's once the relationship is over.

 

I hate it when people make these "rules" for themselves in relationships.

 

What you are now facing is frustration - even if you have changed, she may not recognise it for all you know, or she may not care. However she may do - who knows?

 

You change for your NEXT partner not your ex one. You should be thinking about changing yourself to present to your NEXT partner, not to show the one who hasn't even got the sense to appreciate what she's missing, what she's missing.

[sfindependent]

You change for your NEXT partner not your ex one. You should be thinking about changing yourself to present to your NEXT partner, not to show the one who hasn't even got the sense to appreciate what she's missing, what she's missing.

 

thank you for those words, man. I have been single, and probably will be for a while. lol