Live with me but don't "live" with me

[lizziebee]

I don't even know where to start but here goes and please bear with me. My b/f of 7 months has asked me to move in with him-LDR of about 1.45- He initially said that it was because I was there most of the time anyway, I would be able to get a better job with benefits - all stuff that is outside of us/love. When I told him that the only reason I would consider moving in with him is because we love each other he said he does not want to go through life without me. So I started moving my stuff to his place. It is very small and out of the way, perfect for one person as he built it that way, but truth be told he did live there while he was married...ended 6 years ago. Anyway, while he was at work yesterday I had a major panic attack and could not wait to come back home...be in my own place, drink my own coffee with all of my stuff around....and of course the 'Secret Single Behaviour" which includes, for me, smoking in my own home, eating cookies in bed you all know how we are! Anyway, when I am away from him he reverts back to me just moving up there to find a better job! Is this guy (49y/o) nuts? Confused? What am I going to do? It is not too late to back out and for those of you that know me you all know that I love this man, this is the person I have always wanted to be with etc. But now I cannot think straight. I guess I want some wake up calls and of course some a--kicking advice!

Thanks

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey lizzie -

 

I can't say I really know you all that well, but I believe you when you say you love him. And it sounds like he loves you as well....

 

I don't think him saying that you'll be able to find a good job if you moved in with him means that he wants you to move in for practical reasons and not for love. On the contrary - it tells me he indeed loves you and is thinking about all aspects of a move on your part.

 

BUT - if you are having a hard time with that, maybe you're not ready for the cohabitating life just yet. Has he considering moving out where you are? Or is that kind of out of the question?

 

I think its hard for anyone to re-locate. Maybe you need to give yourself more time.

 

Could you maybe find a place of your own that's in the same town or a bit closer?

[VeganBohemian]

Although I don't know either of you, 7 months does not seem like an adequate amount of time for you to be moving in with him. There are exceptions to that, but usually only if both partners just know right off the bat that they are with the right person. You both sound unsure, but you also don't like being so far away. Why don't you get your own apt in his area? That seems like the best thing to do right now. If you can't afford it, get a roommate.

[VeganBohemian]

Why can't you eat cookies in bed and smoke? That signals to me that you guys are not yet in a comfort zone with one another. No wonder you had a panic attack!