Advice Needed

[martial]

Well after 7 years the ex and I broke up 5 weeks ago....She has since met someone new. She says it is very important to her that we stay friends. We agreed to limit or have no contact for 3 weeks which we both have been breaking me more than her. We finally again decided Yesterday to do it again. Unless it was something to do with the finances. (We are currently splitting them) So I called her with the thing she wanted to know and she was so cold and mean and . I got off the phone and texted her that I didnt mean to make her upset but she told me to call her. She texted back saying she just wants to be left alone. No Texts, voicemails, calls emails.

 

I am really beside myself as to how after be so caring and feeling so much warmth for seven years she can just be so mean and such a to me.

 

I am starting to question whether I even like her at even a friend level right now.

 

I am going to do strict NC.... (But for some reason she is important to me and I kinda do wanna stay friends....Why I dont know)

 

What to do?

 

Any insight?

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

You need to begin to love yourself and find out who you really are. First of all after all that time she just ups and gets with another guy only five weeks in? NC is not some holy be all change all thing. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask your self where you self-esteem went.

[blender]

For right now, as difficult as it may seem, you need to maintain no contact and please do NOT take her behavior "personally" she is going through whatever she is going through and it's most likely she is not wanting to face her own choices, and her "guilt" about you right now.. so respect this, and respect yourself and maintain "no contact".. try to breathe, and yes cry, cry, cry, but trust that she is doing what she is doing in her own "survival defense" mode, and it's not about you at all.. it just isn't.

 

You can be "grateful" that you are now aware that she is "for the moment" not capable of a mature, loving, sincere, emotionally healthy relationship, with you or anyone else.. the fact that she practically "overlapped" her relaionships is a sign of her own insecurities and immaturity..

 

So breathe, vent on this site, and maintain no contact for now, one day at a time... let go.. this is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. Yes, it's going to "hurt" and it's important to remember that sometimes in life we are going to be "sad, confused, disappointed" by people whom we've really truly loved... but it will pass, you will grow through all this, for now get busy with your own life, one step at a time...

[anggrace]

I agree ^^. The friend thing can't happen till you both are 100% over eachother and sure you did the right thing. That probably wont be for a long while. It also sounds like she might be full of herself. She mistook your friendly phone call as you mabey trying to get back in with her. It sounds like your better off not talking to her for a while.

[agent1607307371]

IMO when we ask ex-partners to stay friends with us it's a fear of being totally without someone after so long. Deep down no one wants to because it will hurt, but the thought of it being completely over and gone is frightening.

 

It's possible that your ex was distant because you have agreed to go NC, she's distancing herself so that she can move on and get over the relationship. It's not a move designed to hurt you, but to protect her.

 

Try it yourself, protect your heart. There's no need to go digging at wounds. Keep with the NC and heal.

[NR498E]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.I've been through the exact same thing.I think I've become sort of an expert on post breakup behavior since then.So here is what I think.

She more than likely was seeing this guy long before she dumped you.People take a long time to build up the courage to can someone after seven years toghether.She waited until she had a comfortable, emotinal saftey net, before she finally did it.

You have to start NC and stick with it.I know how difficult that can be.If you feel yourself getting weak,call a friend,post here, or go and dig a hole in your backyard,anything is better than contacing her.You will see why in due time.

The only reason she is being mean to you, is because she is giving herself bogus reasons to be mad at you, because that makes all this easier on her.

Please stop blaming yourself,you look very weak to her right now and she is losing more and more respect for you everytime you come of as a weak man.

I think you should stick with NC as much as possible,and when you do have to talk with her, be nonchalant, as if you don't really care anymore and it's her loss.

I've been in your exact same position my friend,I did all the retarted things you are doing.Heed my advice,you will thank yourself later.

goodluck.

your friend ,andy