S.O.S!!! (Slowly Opening to Suicide)

[saku]

i am tired of my worthless life! the worse part of it: i'm all alone in this world. and soemtimes...it feels like i'm the only one. everywhere i go, it seems like everyone has a boyfriend or g/f which is very depressing because i have no idea what it feels like. i mean i can't even go to the damn grocery store without feeling inferior to everyone else. and i have a therapists but of course she doesn't seem to understand why i feel hopeless so the majority of the time i leave her, i'm in near tears.

 

also being 21 year old lonely guy is perhaps the worst thing ever because how many people my age goes through this lonliness? according to crap like mtv and the real world, never! while everyone else is out partying, i sit at home trying to ask God why was i ever born. and don't get me wrong, God is yet another problem in my life. if he/she/it even exists, i feel as if he doesn't care at all DESPITE the fact i do my best to pray and believe things will get better. but at the moment, i am very close to hating God because while he never answers my prayers, he sure likes to help other people prosper like...i don't know osama bin laden? or how about people who has (unlike me) love and acceptance yet they abuse their girlfriends cause "they can" i try really hard to matter like those a holes and yet no one cares who i am.

 

i've decided if things get worse, i would leave south carolina which by the way is by far the most closed minded place in the world. if i can't save up enough money to leave though....i've thought a little bit about suicide. it's been almost 3 years since i tried to kill myself and while some good things have happened since, the very bad things have outweighed it all. i don't want to die, but i don't want to live in vain either.

 

i know i've written alot and most of it may sound like nonsense, but please believe me when i say i've tried really hard to fit in and nothing seems to matter. i just want to feel happy, find a girl who liikes me and doesn't expect me to be somekind of stupid jerkface thug, and prove everyone who ever hurt me wrong. but...are these all just pipe dreams? if anyone could understand what i wrote, then thank you. i'm sorry it was so long.

[Aura Seeker]

Hi there.

 

Here are some things that I have learned in my life.

 

Blaming God gets you nowhere. Putting blame on others or God, just takes the issue away from your part in it. If you read the bible, you may remember a phrase in there where Jesus says "Satan is the ruler of this system of things" It explains why the world is so messed, and second, we know that it isn't what is 'right". If you think this world sucks, it's because you are NOT crazy. God isn't granting Osama anything.

 

Another thing is: WE are in control of how we feel. Nobody or anything can make you mad, happy, sad....ect. This....we own. You need to take responsibility of how you are letting your emotions run amuck! You are the master of your own body and mind. Act it. Take charge.

 

We create our own destiny. We create that by how we react to things and the goals we set for ourselves. Stop putting blame on others and take responsibility for your own life. You are an adult now, and make your own decisions, and anything that happened in your past can not be blamed anymore, because you are in charge now. Take that power that you have and make it positive. Weed out the negative.

 

I wish you the best, and I hope nothing sounded harsh. You are the only one who has the power to change things. God can not drive a parked car. Take action.

 

Just MY opinion

 

A

[Slypknot]

I feel for ya bro - and have been that depressed many times in my life. Here's a shot of my current situation to help shed some light:

I'm 31 and got divorced from a 10yr relationship about 2 months ago. Talk about depression and a life shocker! I had to change EVERYTHING in my life to try and move on/deal with the pain.

 

I can relate to your loneliness. I feel it quite often, that there's really no one out there that truly cares about me. Sometimes I think that if I only had a girlfriend things would be better.... but ya know what, it didn't exactly work that way for me. I went out on some dates, slept around a little bit, and even hooked up with a girlfriend - but nothing really 'fills' that hole that I feel in my gut. That emptiness.

 

To be honest, there's A LOT in your post that could keep me going on for hours. I think there are serious self esteem issues that are causing quite a bit of your pain and inferiority complex. I know only because I suffer from them to - thinking I'm too fat, too boring, a loser basically - regardless of how well my life is going that voice is always there, yes, even when I have a girlfriend who everyone thinks is hot.

 

I'm sorry if this post doesn't seem to contain many answers. I deal with a lot of what you posted on a daily basis and have found only a few things that help:

 

1. I pray - regardless if you believe in God or not try it. It helps. Just pray to 'the stuff out there'.

 

2. I committed to going out whenever invited regardless whether I wanted to or not. This made a huge diff in my life - I was now out amongst other people in clubs/bars/etc having fun (sometimes). But make no mistake, I got physically ill the first time I went out because of the intense fear I felt for the unknown... but it's all good and well worth it.

 

3. Take care of yourself - I joined a gym, brush my teeth twice a day, shower twice a day, get enough rest (most of the time, cough) and feed my body. It's amazing how much better we all feel when we can no longer fit in our clothes because our muscles have outgrown them...or how much better we feel just after a full day of taking care of ourselves!

 

I know, the things I do may seem kinda cheezy - but it's some of the ideas that I've gathered from others that I've talked to.... they worked for them and are currently working for me (most of the time).... so give yourself a break and give em a shot! Don't repeat the same behaviors expecting yourself to feel better - you need to change things up and get some shock back in your life!

[ansleynicole]

I totally feel you. I am a girl who has searched for love my whole life and I have been depressed and thought about killing myself numerous times. I do believe in God and I have tried to live my life in the last two years according to him but sometimes I feel as though everything that I pray for I dont get. However, I realized it is not his plan for me. I dated a guy recently that I was head over heels for who said he loved me and wanted to marry me and then one day dumped me. It hurt like heck and I have battled killing myself because I again don't feel like anyone wants me and that I am not good enough or pretty enough to have someone love me. There are many times when I wonder why I was born because all I am doing is taking up breathing air from someone else. However, the only advice that I have to give is to just be patient and focus on other things and love will find you. I am trying to take this advice for myself also and it is hard cause I am an impatient person but sometimes when your not looking for something you find it......

I hope this helps you some..at least just to know that there are other people out there who feel just like you do....

[luvsick41]

first off dawg, know this..........don't believe anything u see on mtv, or anything like that, for real, all that sutff is entertainment, and if u can't draw the line between entertainment and reality, then u shouldnt watch it, feel me............not everyone who has a bf and gf is happy..........i honestly dont even think that would make u happy.........seems as if u have some issues, and i wish i could help, but from knowing so little it is ahrd to form an accurate opinion....it seems as if u are placing ll of your hopes of happiniess in a relationship, and that aint too smart, for real............i am in a marriage, and while i am very happy with my wife, it aint all cake and apples..........feel me, i would prob have less problems if i werent involed with someone.........i mean, just because u dont have a gf, doesnt mean u cant be happy.........although i can relate, because i was feeling like u are before in the past......not suicidal, but to the point where i gave up on woman.......i aw chicks get abused, mentally and physically, and i couldnt understand why i always had to be the friend, instead of the bf..........i hated seeing girls stay with asssholes and shit, but, hey, that's life, play the cards u are dealt.................can't fold and give up that easy............in poker u can fold, then kick ur selve in the ass and learn from ur mistake, u cant fold this game of life and play better the next hand, cause this is one long poker game of living and it's only one hand we are all dealt...........about the god thing, pray, read the bible, seriously..........whatever religion u are, read the holy book of choice........it will give u direction..........take what U PERCIEVE from it, read what u may, and form ur own opinion, use it as a guide to give u strength, for real.........and for the record, about the osama bin laden shit, hey dawg, what goes around comes around and dont think god id letting him prosper, k..........he is the most wanted man on earth, and he cant live his life like he could before he started terrorism, feel me, think about that...........hang in there, and suicide will only make things worse for the people around u, would u wanna see ur parents and fam, and friends go through hell, would u want to make them feel that pain of knowing u were a coward and couldnt handle life..............take note, think, u will find ur answers soon enough..............1

[segagirl]

Hello Saku, thanks for coming here and telling us about your situation. Many people here do feel much of the same many times in their lives.

 

I wonder if your Therapist is treating your depression? Sometimes It may seem they don't understand....but really what they are striving to do is make YOU understand. And then work through that pain you feel. If she is not able to do that, find a new one.

 

The first thing is making sure you can separate fact from fiction. See though it seems everyone has a significant other, they do not. There are way more single people your age then not. And really moving is always fun...but realize the problems you feel will go with you where ever you go...do be prepared to have to still deal with the issues at hand.

 

You said "being 21 year old lonely guy is perhaps the worst thing ever because how many people my age goes through this lonliness"? Again separate fact from fiction. It is not reality that all people your age are out at parties, or that all people your age are happy. MTV is for entertainment....it's not real. And though you look around and think God is granting salvation and happiness to everyone, I don't think you are seeing this correctly. People are dying everyday. Young people like you have cancer, AIDS and things that are worse than being lonely. I say this only so you can see, you are not alone....and people dealing with much worse find ways to live their lives.

 

I think that you should Volunteer your time to people who have far less than you. This way you can give that wonderful part of you to others who have needs. And also, it will help you realize the world is full of good and bad...and everyone has suffering. We live for those beautiful days, no matter how few and far between.

[rommel]

Don't trip out so much. I didn't get a girlfriend until I was 26. You are still young and you have time. Just try to get into situations where you can meet a girl you actually like. Go to school, for example. My problem is that I worry that I'm getting too old, and I can't meet girls since I don't do a lot of social things. I really can't worry about meeting my "dream girl" because I don't know who she is. I'm just gonna hang around and hope that one day I will.