Sleeping with ex, what is the best thing to do??

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

Argg im confused! Venting needed badly! What do I do! After my ex g/f broke up with me I went into no contact for 2months however in the back of my mind I always hoped there would be a chance we'd get back together. I decided I would invite her over to mine and see what signals she gave off. I decided to play things cool and just have fun and not talk about the past. Well we had a great time and it honestly felt like it did when we first met. I could see she had as good a time as I did as well. We did end up sleeping together.

 

Now this is my current situation-I think its pretty messed up! My ex and me are meeting up once a week (I let her contact me) and she is staying over mine. Were sleeping together and being very intimate in general, holding hands and kissing etc. However I'm worried that this is going to set me back to square one. Is this just a case of her having her cake and eating it?? I mean she seems like she is far more into me again but im trying not to get my hopes up because maybe all it is to her is a bit of fun. Why don’t I ask her how she feels you may be thinking??? Well imp guess im scared she will reject me and shatter what may just be my illusion that she is falling back in love with me. I also feel that it has to be down to her to bring up the conversation of reconciliation as she broke up with me.

 

I'm having such a great time when we do meet up but im starting to wonder if its worth it as I feel so down and depressed sometimes that were not together probably and often wonder what she is doing, who she is with etc. Surely this cant be just a bit of fun to her? Could she be that cold and unattached? Does she think of me as much as I think of her when we are apart? Is she going to lose respect for me if we carry on this way? Would I be more unhappy if I wasn’t seeing her at all? These are some of the questions I am plagued with each day though I honestly believe if we got back together all this pain would be worth it. I was thinking of setting kind off a deadline for this current situation if things haven’t changed, and then tell her on that day that we need to either be together or go are separate ways. This may shake her up a little and realize that I won’t wait around for her forever. However I’m also worried that if we do get back together things wont be the same, even though things are great at the mo when we see each other. I'm sure half the reason we broke up was more to do with things going on in both of our lives (see below) which caused a lot of stress on the relationship. Also I am the only boyfriend she has ever had-perhaps she feels the need to explore. Thats why I dont know if its even worth trying to get back with her because surly one day she will feel the need to experiment so to speak, and i dont want her to resent me for not giving her a chance to experiance the single life.

 

Oh and here is sum quick details on why we broke up:

 

I lost my job became a little depressed and needy-less fun to be around.

 

She started university-was thrown into a hectic party atmosphere caused her to doubt whether she wanted to be in a relationship.

 

She did cheat on me (just a kiss, I know still cheating); I never really dealt with that which caused friction between us. I now feel able to forget.

 

Advice would be much appreciated. I have no doubt that many people out there have gone through a similar scenario. I'm I doing everything wrong? What do you think? Thankyou for reading this I know if goes on a bit but just needed to get a lot of my chest!!

[Weeblie]

This sleeping together doesn't make sense and if you could...I'd stop it. She could just be having her cake and eating it, or she could really be falling for you again. I think you need to talk to her about what's going on. It's the only way to know what's going on for sure.

[northwoods]

You have got to talk to her or you risk that she is having her cake, and eating it too. You mentioned you don't even know what she's doing during the week and who's she's with ... so how do you know she isn't with someone else.

 

Its time to have "the talk". If you're close enough for sex, you're close enough for a serious talk about a relationship.

[Goblin]

Bad move!

 

Being intimate or close to each other is wrong after u breakup.

 

Your mind and heart says no but your body wants more....youre really confused bro.

 

Help YOU and your ex by distancing from each other. If she cheated on you while she was with you, what do you think she would do when shes NOT w you?

Think abt it. Help yourself by being firm with wise decisions.

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It was very nice to release what was on my mind. My ex has no idea of how i am feeling because i diddnt want to scare her off and get to emotional heavy when I was trying to win her back. I'm seriously considering going into no contact for the sake of my own sanity. If she really wants a relationship with me then I guess she will let me know. I wont be happy with anything less than a fully commited relationship with her and I shoudnt settle for this. Its just im finding it very hard to let go off her, which I know is not aided by the fact were still being intimate together. I have to remind myself when im with her, holding her, stroking her hair, looking into her eyes etc that were not really together, oh its so easy to get lost in that fantasy that were still an item! This is going to be one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. I just hope I can be strong and not give in. Going to have to remind myself that in the long term this is for my own good. Anyway again people thanks for very good advice. Any more advice from people would be fantastic or stories from people who have shared a similar experiance and how it turned out in the end. Thankyou

[TheGetUpKid]

Chemical Romance (awesome band btw):

 

I'm actually going thru a very similar situation right now except for the sleeping part. My ex have been talking about getting back together for awhile now but this past month I have been completely confused if she truly wants to be with me. Like you we have been hanging out once every few weeks or so. And the last time we hung out we were holding hands, cuddling on the couch, kissing, and saying "I love you". The thing is though, a week ago she got drunk and called my brother telling him how much she wants to be with and loves me but doesn't know what to do since I haven't really shown that I want to be with her. Well I sent her an email asking her if she truly meant what she said or if it was just drunk talk. And even after she promised she would email me back she still hasnt...... and its been over a week now......

I have been contemplating going NC again and letting go because I really don't think my heart can take this anymore.

 

If I were you I would talk to her first to see if she does or doesn't want to be with you. She may feel just as confused as you. If your hurting too much and you dont feel that she wants to get back together than I would just go NC. Anyways I hope you feel better.

[terk2021]

That's a tough call. It's great when she knocks on your door, comes in, and you have fun, but then she's gone. You wonder if you will ever be back together. The reality is here is that she is in control. I went through this last year. I broke off our relationship (long story, but had to be done). I went through 2 weeks of hell of NC, and she started calling a lot. "I miss you", "I messed up", "I want us back to where we were"...

 

Well, I fell for it, went back, had a few great weeks of thinking we were getting back together and BAM, she wanted a break. Well, happened one more time, I fell for it, and BAM, she wanted a longer break. Needless to say, I kept trying to win her back.

 

If you want a relationship with her and she does not, end it now. Tell her that if and when she decides she wants a relationship with you, there is something to talk about. You are in a bad spot right now, because you are still seeing her, and think that you will continue to get to see her. In reality, it's all on her terms though.

 

I wish you well. It's a very tough spot to be in. No one here really can tell you what to do, just wanted to share my experience with you...

[Q-ball]

Just went through something similar, see my reply on this thread

 

 

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

Wow some more great advice, I feel like I should be paying for it haha. THEGETUPKID how are things working out for you? are you ok? Q-Ball I thought what you said was very wise and I'd be a damn fool not to learn from your mistakes. Your advice has helped me come to a few decisions. No more sex with the ex or any other 'couple' stuff people do in relationships. I'll just have to have a long cold shower before she comes over lol.

 

Im still not sure whether to go into no contact as that would mean giving up completely. Im certainly going to try not to get my hopes up. Just did a week no contact and today she TXT me and ended the TXT with XXX. I know thats not much to get excited about but she hasnt done that since we broke up so maybe she is reconsidering things. She asked me over tonight (havent seen her in a week) and I have said that Im busy tonight but could perhaps see her satarday. Maybe she will start to see that I wont be there on her beck and call. Anyway in the mean time I plan to move on with my life and see if anything developes. Got my birthday coming up and planning a big party so thats helping take my mind off things! My poor liver wont know whats hit it haha

[Q-ball]

Good stuff, best of luck

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

What a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of days have been! My ex came over to mine the other night and I was determined not to sleep with her. Well I lasted a pitiful 3hours before I caved in - yes I know very weak! After we slept together I felt quite upset and ashamed because I knew what I had just done was wrong and it was going against all the advice I had been given. I tried not to show it but she could tell something was wrong. I acted vey cold towards her after, kind of a defensive mechanism. I felt like I was going to have to cut her out my life completely because the situation was really starting to eat me up.

 

Anyway the next night it was my birthday party, I was having a great time and forgot about any worries. I ended up losing my friends and was walking home when I bumbed into one of my ex's room mates. In my drunken state I decided I would get a taxi back with her and surprise my ex. This could have gone wrong in so many ways looking back, ex's and alcohol defo do not mix! I entered her room and luckily she was really happy to see me even though I had woken her up. Somehow we ended up talking about us and I got the courage to ask her if she wanted to give us another try. She told me she hasnt been as happy since we broke up and that she felt she had taken me for granted and that she would never do that again. She said she wanted to get back together! wow! I'm not getting overly excited because I know now I must learn from my mistakes from last time. I think I was a bit needy, thats something I have been working on, I feel like I have a life outside the relationship now which is going to really help. If things dont work out this time then I guess it was not meant to be, but I know what ever happens I will be ok. Anyway I thought I'd share my happy ending (hopefully will stay that way!). Now time to go back to bed and nurse my hangover......

[Weeblie]

Wow! That's great! I'm glad you guys finally got a chance to talk. I wish you luck with that.