4 months and counting. . .

[sunshine13]

It has been slightly over four months since my break up. Probably on the top of the list of "worst break ups in history". The first two months were the hardest time I had ever gone through. Went through counseling, took up hobbies, went on dates. . . anything to get over it. . . Anyway. . for the past two months I have been fine. I think about him periodically when someone brings up his name or when something pops up but I do not have any emotional connection to the thoughts anymore. All of the sudden the past two days I can't stop thinking about him. Not just good things but the bad things. When I think about the things that he has done to me (specific situations) It literally pains my heart and I go through an "OMG - how could I let that happen to me" and it makes me cry. On another level. . . I will be in my car listening to the radio and I will think about good times and that also makes me cry. It has been non-stop for two days and no matter what I do to push the thoughts back out of my head I can't do it. I know that there are unresolved issues there and that could be the problem. However, there is NEVER going to be a conversation between us. After how I was treated during the break up I choose never to speak to him again (although wouldn't it be lovely if he tried and I got to deny him). . I just wouldn't even be able to find a word to say to him. Anwhoo. . .Is this something natural that happens out of the blue to just start feeling all of those emotions again after I finally got to a good place? And WHY???? Do they come back like that? And contrary to my friends thinking. . . I am not pms-ing!!!

[GuitarmanIII]

I can give advice only from experience...because I'm going through something very similar. We are grieving the loss of someone who was once very dear to us, and this is how our minds are able to cope. There will be times when we feel miserable, and then we'll feel good again. There are triggers that remind us of our X's and I believe it's important to feel the pain...work your way through it. Eventually it will pass.

For me, I've offially been broken up for about 5 months and full NC for 1.

 

I begged and pleaded for the X to stop contacting me, and now that she has...it's tough. I know that she's gone forever...in terms of a romantic pertnership. It burns like hell. The part two weeks have been tough. For some reasson I'm perpetually sad and can cry at will...and I'm dwelling on the the past. I can only assume that the pain will go away...someday soon.

 

Try to concentrate on other things and keep occupied.

 

Good luck,

 

G

[sunshine13]

I am sorry that you are going through that as well. They days that hurt - REALLY hurt! Did you two try to remain friends after the break up and that is why there has only been NC for a month? I have not even had that opportunity. My ex of 4.5 years broke up with me over the phone and hasn't spoken to me since. I drove to his house one morning at 8:00 am to finally try to get some answers out of it but all I got was yelled at and told if I ever came over, called, texted or emailed him again that he would contact the police so other than that one time I don't even have the option to contact him. He has even stopped going out with our mutual friends when I am there b/c he doesn't want to see me. So I guess part of it is just being left hanging like that. Oh well. . . time heals all, right?

[kekep]

Sometimes it feels like you're on an emotional rollercoaster when you're grieving. One day you feel completely happy and hardly think of your ex, the next day you want to kill them, and the day after that you're sad and wistful for the times when you were so happy with that person. It's enough to drive you insane. Realize that your feelings are normal, and that one day you'll look back on this experience and marvel at how far you've come.

 

I know this b/c in the weeks that followed my breakup, I was severely depressed. I'd cry everyday and could hardly stomach saltine crackers. Fast forward 5 months down the line and, even though at times I get nostalgic about our relationship, I have no desire to even talk to him or know about him. I'm not over it 100% but I'm getting there. It will happen for you, time really does make things easier.

[GuitarmanIII]

Hi Sunshine, remember that your X is probably grieving as well. Perhaps he can't keep in touch with you yet.

 

My X and I were best friends for about a year and a half...we were also lovers. It was the right chemistry for a beautiful future. It's very confusing, as all breakups are, but I couldn't see what great girl I had, and took her for granted. She left me for a guy who was feverishly courting her.

 

After the breakup, she tried to remain friends with me but I cut off all contact. About a month later, apparently due to her grief of missing me, they broke up, and then got back together...and moved in together.

 

I can't be friends and she grudgingly understands this. I just hate that she pities me. It drives me nuts.

 

Time and boundaries = sanity...apparently.

 

G

[Dorsay]

Guitarman, I know how you feel. I also asked my ex to be sensitive and not to contact me. It's been almost 3 weeks since he called. This is what I asked for but it's tough.

 

Sunshine, may be we should look at the pain that we're going through as part of the healing. We'll get better. Take care.

[Nick_t]

Hey Sunshine,

 

Stick in there - I can relate to how you are feeling! It's been about 6 months now since my x broke up with me. Because she went to the Uni where I worked it was a horible break up. She was hurting just as bad when we broke up, she cried and was miserable for a long time. She turned into a different person, and so did I, anything to get over the break up. Now we have both found our feet again and trying to move on, however it's difficult to keep NC as we see each other practically everyday and still share the same friends. We went out for 2 years.

 

We went through a stage of NC/LC for nearly 2 months before Christmas and I found myself improving, feeling good and starting to enjoy single life. However she got in touch after xmas as she could probably see I was moving on and over the last 2 weeks we have seen each other quite alot, and this weekend we spent Friday and Saturday night doing things together. Now i've realised I still miss her and can't stop thinking about her, i'm gutted as I've accepted the relationship is over but thought I was getting over it. Obviously not.

 

Some days are good days and some are bed. Last two weeks have been fine, everyday has been good but since the weekend I can't stop thinking about her. I'm not acting needy and clingy by calling her etc but it's getting me down. Its time for me to make a choice - to tell her how I feel, that I miss her company and I want to be around her more than I am now, or get on with it, still having to see her most days, be friendly and move on, just accepting there is nothing I can do. I don't know what to do as I'm scared that I might ruin any relationship we still have.

 

We just need to stay strong and remember it will pass, but I agree it's really grates me down when all I want to do is move on. My x and I are getting on like a house on fire, but I've realised I really miss her, but really don't know what she is thinking but I know although she cares and loves me she is looking to move on and there is nothing I can do about it. Gutted.