Do Girls Ever Really Come Back?

[martial]

Just a question....But after a LONG relationship goes south and tthe people DO still love eachother. Although hurt right now but does the girl ever come back or take the guy back?

 

Interesting for ladies opinions

[Cindersam]

I have seen it happen several times and all for different reasons. A lot depends on why the break up occurred in the first place and how each person handled it.

 

I know you want hope but you can't really predict what will happen with you by what has happened with others. Each situation is unique.

 

How long was your relationship and what happened to break it up?

[brando]

Don't think it is about girls coming back, it is about people. Some couples get back together some do not.

 

Any details to your situation??

[martial]

Well we dated for 7years..... We haved lived together and as of a year ago I moved out but did not break up. I thought we needed to deal with some issues before we got married. Anyways she said she has broken up with me for 2 reasons. 1. She needs to find herself as she has lot who she is in this last year becasue she has been trying so hard to give me everything for me to come back to her. I was 100% ready to and was going to surprise her with a proposal and than week before Xmas and 2 weeks before my proposal she caled it quits. She said she cannot focus on herslef and us at the same time. She said she does still love me and is attracted to me but she has to focuse on HER right now. She said she has not given up on us and does not know what the future holds. I did the mistake of begging and pleaded and all the other no no's for the last 3 weeks. She has started a 14 day Personal Best course and I am afraid it will make her not want me at all. 2. She said there is hurt from me that she has to deal with.....She has decided to go to Prauge in March and I feel like I am NOT important to her at all......I feel like I am worthless to her?

 

Any Insight?

[need2bme]

My ex and I broke up MANY times and MANY times she came back. I think she figured out that we never fixed anything and it seemed to always be about the sex. We even joked about it.

 

I don't think she is coming back this time. It does happen, so if it happens to you, you take the time EVERY DAY, to show her how much she means to you. Take the time to be a better couple.

[heloladies21]

In situations like yours, nope. Just doesn't happen.

 

However, search the archives and you will find thousands of guys in your exact position who have tried the exact same "friends/hanging around in the background"-route, only to get broken when they find out about her with some other dude. Not good.

 

What you're looking for right now is called false hope.

[Cindersam]

It does not sound to me like it is hopeless but then again I don't know her. Give her some time and space and see what happens. No more begging and pleading. She has told you she needs to work on herself so give her the respect of letting her do it. Also have respect for yourself and do some things for you.

 

Sometimes spending some time apart is a good thing. How long is she going to be gone?

 

Also, for #2 - how did you hurt her? Has the problem been resolved? Can it be resolved?

[rsxguy520]

it could happen. it has happened to me once of twice during high school. Both the Dumpers too.

 

The way i think of it now, its not so much if girls ever really come back (or guys as well), but why they come back? catch my drift?...

[martial]

Here is the letter she sent me after we broke up.....

 

I need to take the next step forward by myself. I need to do this not because I dont love you but because I need to start loving myself. I cannot do this if I still feel responsible for and to you. I need to take control of my own happiness. I need to have the clarity to focus only on myself. I let my identity disappear to the point that I dont know who or what I actually want anymore. To figure all of this out I need the ability to concentrate on only what I want and need and not be distracted by the needs and wants of anyone else. I may be making the biggest mistake of my life but that is the risk I have to take in order to prevent regretting not trying to make a life of my own. And I do believe that it would be unfair to not only myself but to you as well if we continued down this path of anger and mistrust. This really is all about me. I started to think about my life and what I was working towards and I realized that I didnt know anymore. My life only had one direction, how to keep you. I acted foolishly in the past year. I tried to cling so tightly to us and you continued to push me away. I know that that is not what you intended to do but I do understand why it happened. When I looked at that it made me realize that I needed to direct my own life and to do that I needed to break the habits I had formed and i know, as recently I saw myself doing it and being unable to stop myself, I have this compulsion to provide you with everything while sacrificing my own needs. The only way that I can see to break these habits is to not be in a relationship. And I am so sorry that all of this happened right when you were starting to see things how I had been seeing them. I am sorry that I let myself get this lost. I know that I love you and will always love. I would not give back the time we have shared for anything. One of my fears is that you are going to stop living and do exactly what I did. It brings nothing but resentment. I dont know what our future holds, whether we will be together or not. But I do believe that if it is meant to be it will be. I do hope that you know that I will always be here for you. You have been like my best friend for 7 years. I do not want to lose that. I do not want to lose you. You are and I hope will always remain a very important part of my life, together or not. I do want to stress that I am not doing this so that I am free to meet someone new. I am doing this because I need to experience life on my own and I cannot be in a relationship, with you or anyone else, and do that. I know that this is all very confusing and painful, I feel it too, if I seem distant or emotionless please know that it is just a coping mechanism, a way for me to get through the days and a way for me to be strong for you.

 

This is the jumbled mess I wrote. I dont know whether it will help or not.

 

I do want you as a part of my life, I cant see that ever changing.

 

 

She does keep saying She does love me and that she has not closed the book on us..

 

Wow this really hurts!!

[Cindersam]

I'm sorry you are in such pain. I understand how hard this is. My relationship lasted 6 years and I also thought we would always be together.

 

I think the best thing you can do right now is give her the space and time she needs to figure out what she wants. Don't push her or you may push her away. Show her how much you care about her by giving her what she wants. Then go out and do something for yourself.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how old is she?

[martial]

She is 25 I am 27

[Cindersam]

So you were together since she was 18? Even more so I think you need to give her the time to figure out what she wants. Show her you respect her enough to give her the time and space to figure it out and she will probably end up respecting you for doing that.

 

You mentioned that there were things you felt needed to be worked on or resolved before you could have moved on with her. Also in her letter she mentioned something about trust. Have these issues been resolved? If not, take this time apart to try and figure out how to resolve them if the opportunity for reconciliation comes up.