The Best Friend Problem, what else?

[LollieSimone]

I was in the same boat with my best guy friend as so many other people in the world have been in their lives, it still bugs me that I got myself into a friendship with a guy and he became my best friend, not because I don't love him, I do. But I was in love with him. I've always been the odd-girl-out. I've always been unattractrive, overweight, shy and lonely. When he came into my life I was suicidal. He saved my life, he changed my life, he helped me change myself. One day I realized that I was in love with him and he did the worst thing someone could do to someone like me: "He said, I'm interested, but I'm doing a lot of soul-searching right now."

 

I took that for there being a chance. Well, I kept thinking something would/could happen. He did things to lead me on - such as things he said, things he did, touching me differently (smacks on the butt, tickle fights, and laying on top of me for no reason), hugging me for long periods of time, kissing me on the neck (not in an extreme way, but a playful way.) I had never had anyone treat me this way and apparently I took it the wrong way.

 

As much as I love him, I still hurt for the things he did to me. When he finally told me that I didn't have a chance with him I was very hurt, very angry and very bitter. We didn't talk for over a week. And it took us a little while to get our friendship back on track. But because we have always been open and honest with each other things have evened out. I still feel hurt by some of the things that happened because I am the girl who never gets a chance. But because of him I'm happier, more confident and I live my life more fully. I have learned that everything happens for a reason, even his coming into my life, I accept it for what it is...kind of.

 

My problem is this: I still harbor some feelings for him, and I also am a little bitter about the whole situation that occurred. And he and I are going to be going to the same university soon, I'm 24 and he's 20. He is talking about us living together. He still does alot of the same things he did before the whole blow up happened, and it still rubs me the wrong way sometimes. How can I tell him that we cannot live together without hurting his feelings? He's a "sensitive guy" and we really do have a lot of love for each other, but I don't want to get back into that situation again, and I don't want there to be issues, and I'm going to be honest...I don't want to see him bringing girls home. I want him to be happy, but he's a shallow guy who would only date the most beautiful girls. What do I do?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Whoah red flags popping up all over the place. From the sounds of it, you have every right to feel bitter. And I think living with someone you are in love with, but he won't give you a chance is a *terrible* idea. What are you going to do when he invites women over? What happens when he gets a girl friend who starts staying over and the three of you are jockeying for the bathroom in the morning? Are you going to put head phones on when they are doing the crazy monkey dance?

 

I think you should put his fragile feelings aside for a second, think about your own welfare and it will be obvious what to do next. Anyone who is a true friend would understand why you can't live with him in that situation. You are not selfish. It's being respectful of your self and your own preservation.

[LollieSimone]

Agreed. Thanks for the input.