Jealousy problem!

[ashleynicole]

Hey ya'll this is my first post! Hoepfully ya'll won't leave me with "0 relplies." I am hoping that ya'll can give my your advice, opinions, and input! Let's be nice though and keep it mature!

 

I have a JEALOUSY problem. It is so hard for me to get over. I feel like I have no reason to feel like this. I have never had anything happen to me to make me feel this way. My boyfriend of five years is the most trustowrthy person I know. But yet I find myself feeling jealous all the time for numerous reasons. It is hard to explain because I trust him 100%, yet I tend to be jealous very much!

 

I am so not into him talking to other females at all! It's scary. The other day he was writing an e-mail to his ex and I was right there so I know he had nothing to hide because he wasn't doing anything wrong. I would understand me being mad if he was trying to hide it but he wasn't.

 

So my point is, I don't know why I am like this. I know jealousy is normal but to a certain extent. I feel so bad for my boyfriend. I need to find a way to get past this, but how?

 

Thank everyone! Please help!

[beejy04]

hey whats up? i think that your problem is common. i trust my girlfriend and yet i get jealous of her talking and doing things with other guys. trust is the basis of a relationship, remember that. especially after five years, you know he wants nobody but you. Now, your jealousy may be not that he will mess around with these girls per say, but that he is spending energy mingling with them and not you. this is how i figured i felt as well. my girlfriend has a close guy friend and she does things with him sometimes. i completely understand how she feels about him. yes, hes attractive, yes, hes older than me, yes, hes got a nicer car.....but she loves me and i trust her. i used to get jealous about how much time she spent with him instead of me. but some people are like that. they tend to feel tied down if they cant talk or do things with people other than their significant other. i think that you should realize how much you mean to him and then think about what hes doing. nothing wrong with how you feel, you cant help it. but just try to put yourself in his shoes from now on. he wants you, only you, youre the most important girl in his life and nobody else is going to matter. as long as you have a healthy relationship, you should be fine. welp theres one reply!

 

beej

[laurelwendel]

Hang in there.

I think everyone has this problem at one time or antother. I am going through the same problem is you are, but my boyfriend isn't as trustworthty as I would like him to be. I keep telling myself I shouldn't be jealous when he is talking or with some other girl. It gets me nowhere. Instead of just talking to him so he knows exactly how I feel I try talking to other guys. I think it is because I am so hurt and jealous I try to make him feel that way, and I shouldn't. Sorry I wasn't much help but I know exactly how you feel.

[Knight55]

Jealousy is normal and healthy. You are probably that jealous because you are afraid to loose him. Even though you have no reason to feal that way you cause yourself to worry about what could happen. If yall have been togeather for five years it is obvious yall have a strong relationship. So dont worry about it. Stop dwelling on him and other girls and just think of yall togeather. Dwell on the good not the bad.

[Yahko]

Wasup Ashleynicole !!!

 

I can tell you that you are jelous becasue you are 100 % into him. I dont mean that you need to dislike him from now on. But If you would surf the internet for cool naked guys...... You will feel better. It doesnt that you dont likw him. But for a minute you let you mind to be somewhere else.

 

You need to be 99 , into him. Think that he is with you and he have no reson to be afraid that he will leave you. He is atractive and if girls look at him and he looks at them , not intentionaly , that mean that he is cool and you must be proud of him. Believe me , your world will crush if you will find that he have porn on the pc , and he is watching it without you. But its normal , its called space. If you would see him 24/7 , you will get bored of him. So sometimes its normal to think about someone else for a second , and it doesnt mean sexualy....

 

Just , you know....

 

 

[JanieMarie23]

Jealousy is a normal feeling...and everyone feels it from time to time...Just some more than others. One of my favorite quotes is "Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment" So many you love this guy so much that you find it hard to think of life without him.

Try talking to your guy, tell him everything you just told everyone on here... Let him understand that you have this problem and maybe he can help you get over it as well.. You dont' want this emotion to get in the way and make you seem possessive... Because he may not want to have that kind of relationship.... So I hope everything works out... best of luck to you

[ashleynicole]

Thank ya'll so much. Ya'll are sweet!

 

Another thing I notice I see myself doing is I feel like if he talks to another female and she is say gorgeous or whatnot that he will start liking her. I know in the back of my head that it's stupid to think that. Yet again I DO!

 

Anyways...Thank ya'll for your advice!

[S4il]

Ashleynichole i think your very attractive person, and can't imagine your boyfriend wanting to see or talk to other women, and become attached to them or liking them, you really have everything physical.

(ok I'm Not Hitting on you threw the Internet, It's Just a Complement)

 

Me being 22 and been threw alot of that "jealous" feeling myself, it's quite difficult to bypass but with time and practice, and maybe a few books, or knowledgeable insight we hope you can defeat this problem.

 

Let me start by saying: While reading your first post i noticed you have unstable mind when he is talking or being around other women in general. Nothing wrong with that too him of course, There is no problem with that, He sounds like a Great guy, and that is why he is with you, Because he feels the same It's that (Universal Connection) That is what you have to keep reassuring yourself sweetheart. That Your #1. not that other "chick" he is just having a friendly conversation with, Or even his EX...that is why she is called EX, she is out of the picture, nothing more than just *Friends*

 

Listen everyone gets jealous.. it's just learning to deal with that jealous feeling and place it in the back of your mind. Hard thing to Overcome, self-Empowerment...plays a Crucial role in dealing directly with the problem to WHY* you are feeling jealous, I read some things in this site dealing with how to overcome jealously. And the key to that is to think to yourself, When you see him around women, "Hey...She doesn't have what I have." but don't be Envious about it. to the point of you sounding conceited, or Stuck-up. and pretty soon your jealousness feeling will slip away.

 

Bottom___Line "Your only what he wants, other wise he wouldn't be with you"...Right?

[Jamiegirl]

 

 

 

I totally agree because if you think about or worry about what hes doing all the time than of course your gonna be jelous, so dont worry to much about him and put the main focus on yourself

[sabena]

Ok...You have received a lot of letters about support and telling you that jealousy is normal, well I am one of those people who was and still is occasionally jealous and I can tell you that by tomorrow you will be back to your old self.

 

I find it madness that people tell you to not worry about jealous and then expecting you to toddle off and do that. Its a lot harder and involves more work than that.

 

Jealous is derived from a lack of self esteem and confidence. If you were confident about your attractiveness and self as a person you would not be worried about your bf writing to any girl, looking at any girl, flirting with any girl. But you are. There is an excellent book and I cannot rave about it enough called "overcoming jealousy and possessivenes" by Paul A Hauck and can be bought on Amazon. It tells you about different types of jealous and how it can be overcome. Its a little book so can be read in a day and then re-read. Buy it its fab.

 

It tells you that when you get a jealous pang in your head think of happy memories with friends, or leave the room where the pang came, go out the house, go for a walk, call a friend...but whatever you do dont tell your bf, because by telling him all the time that you feel insecure or jealous eventually he will get bored and want to not be with you.

 

You need to tackle this now because little jealous pangs have a nasty habit of becoming bigger and before you know it you will be checking his phone, his emails, his letters, looking around his room for stuff on nothing.

[jealous2003]

Hey I totally know what the jealousy thing is all about! I trust my boyfriend, I really do, but everytime he even talks about another girl I get jealous. Even when he says someone on the TV is attractive I get jealous. I think I get it worse than a lot of people but still I think it is there in everyone. It's a completely natural feeling and it shows that you love your boyfriend. The thing you have to learn to do is not let it be a problem in your relationship. Tell him that you feel jealous sometimes, and that you can't help it. Tell him that you do trust him, it's just that you love him too and you're trying your best to deal with your feelings but that yoyu hope he can understand that sometimes it's difficult. From this he will occasionaly re-assure you that here is no need to be jealous and gradually it gets easier, not to feel un-jealous (is that a word?!) but just to be able to cope with your jealousy a little better. This is just what I did, I'm guessing it should work. If your relationship is a fair and even one then your boyfriend will be understanding and maybe even admit that he feels that same sometimes (Men usually have a problem admitting this!). I hope this has helped.