capricorn85 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 well he lost it BEFORE we broke up...and his dorm phone doesnt show who is calling so he doesnt know it is me...you are right it is just hard right now. I was so good to him, idk why he is doing this to me... Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 if you guys broke up, maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you? I don't much want to talk to my exes, regardless of who broke up with whom or how the breakup went down..... Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 if you guys broke up, maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you? I don't much want to talk to my exes, regardless of who broke up with whom or how the breakup went down..... Still sounds to me that he was very hurt by how he did things. I tried to put myself in his shoes and thought if I hadn't commit to many people and I did to one person, we made plans for me to stay with her (which is a huge step in the beginning) and then her mom/dad decided no and she went along with their decision without fighting for me, I would be very hurt too. Years ago, I probably wouldn't have acted as he did. Now I would at least try to communicate what bothers me first lol. Link to comment
capricorn85 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 I am being so stupid. Today I ran into him on campus..mind you I NEVER see him, he gave me a hug then I could feel all the feelings coming back. He saw that my coat was open so he zippered it for me. Then I ended up asking him if he missed me and he said "dont ask question you know the answer to" which usually translates to yes. Then I found myself asking him what he was doing tonight he said he had a meeting, then I ended up asking what he was doing after that...he said nothing. THEN I ended up asking if he wanted to hang out he was like yeah, he'll call me. I just feel like there is some unfinished business with us...we spoke on the phone later on in the day and he said he was like well what do you expect me to say after sunday? referring to the break up. The he didnt want to talk about it much cus he had to go, but he said not that it isnt important to him, but we will discuss it tonight when he comes over. Hmmm...if he doesnt find a way to call me I will be upset, but I did want to try to maintain some form of connection with him...My best friend doesnt even like him, which makes it hard. I dont know why it's hard for me to just forget it. ARGH!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 You know, too often, as women, we tend to fall in love with a man's potential, and get excited about what we think he may offer us in the future (ie, valentine's day date and gifts, nights snuggling on the couch and watching movies....) Too many women focus on the fantasy of what they may get from the relationship in the future rather than what they are getting RIGHT NOW from the man. Here is your list: I mean, from everything you have written, it sounds like you are not getting out what you are putting in, which is why you feel nervous and anxious. Why not just focus on how he is treating you RIGHT NOW, this very minute, and decide if this is a situation you want to stay in or not. I'm dating a guy right now who has never taken longer than 12 hours to return an e-mail and returns my phone calls right away. After dating guys like this one, who are pretty mature and upfront and communicate well, I would never go back to the cat and mouse games ever again. I have better things to do than to sit around wondering why some guy isn't returning my calls. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 You know, too often, as women, we tend to fall in love with a man's potential, and get excited about what we think he may offer us in the future (ie, valentine's day date and gifts, nights snuggling on the couch and watching movies....) Too many women focus on the fantasy of what they may get from the relationship in the future rather than what they are getting RIGHT NOW from the man. Here is your list: Goes both ways though. As Chris Rock always jokes about, the woman you meet (in terms of sex stuff) is not the same one once you commit lol. Is it fair to get excited about what he may offer in terms of Valentine's Day gifts? Does that not come off as super shallow? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Goes both ways though. As Chris Rock always jokes about, the woman you meet (in terms of sex stuff) is not the same one once you commit lol. Is it fair to get excited about what he may offer in terms of Valentine's Day gifts? Does that not come off as super shallow? I'm not a man, so I wouldn't know, but I can see chris rock's point. Well, about the valentine's day.... the point I am trying to illustrate is this.... women sometimes fall in love with what they think they will get from a man in the future, not necessarily what they are getting from him right now. A good example is "the bad boy." Many women fall in love with "bad boys" because they are so exciting and handsome, even though they don't treat their gfs well. The woman imagines what he will be like when he calms down, gets out of this "phase" and she envisions being the woman to "tame his wild ways." But, the bad boy is still treating her like crap, not calling her back, etc.... Meanwhile, other guys who are really nice and sweet and gentlemen are scratching their heads wondering, "Hey - why do women go for the bad guys?" I didn't mean to imply that all women are fantasizing about valentine's day. Just that sometimes, women can get wrapped up in the fantasy of the man, and not really sit and think about how he is treating her RIGHT NOW and if he is being a good boyfriend RIGHT NOW. Link to comment
capricorn85 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Well yes I did think this guy had a lot of potential...also I didnt fully go by looks with this one because we vibed mentally...his clothes didnt matter to me. Valentines Day...will probably suck for me, lol...we'll see. I just dont know how to break away. We are friends on this college site, so we have access to each others pages..similiar to myspace...idk if I should take him off as a friend. Is that childish? If he doesn't call back tonight it will really suck. I know he isn't happy about the breakup, but I just can't read him. I just want to get my life together. I think I am just attatched because of the sex honestly. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 what do you want to have happen with this guy? Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 He does have a point tho obviously not in every case. Other tha sex stuff, I think something more common is the woman being more openly moody later in a relationship than in the beginning, which drives me nuts. But if any woman is fantasizing about gifts, IMO, she is being shallow. I agree about the "bad boys". Give that advice to Pamela Anderson. She keeps falling for the same rocker bad boy type. Link to comment
capricorn85 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Welll we saw eachother last night...spoke briefly then had sex. Today I was under the impression we got together but he said we are working on it and that I broke up with him over something petty! WHATEVER. I am done...I can't do this anymore.... Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Welll we saw eachother last night...spoke briefly then had sex. Today I was under the impression we got together but he said we are working on it and that I broke up with him over something petty! WHATEVER. I am done...I can't do this anymore.... Yet you chose to have sex with him? You are giving mixed messages yourself, I hate to tell you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Well, unfortunately, you have just learned a painful lesson. just because you are having sex with a man, that does not mean he views you as his gf. it just means you are having sex! don't assume anything. know what what they say about "assuming"....... work on communication. it seems like the both of you aren't any good at it. it's ok to say, "hey - what does this mean" or ask him other questions about the relationship. your heart will thank you later. Link to comment
Joneysnai Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 don't take him back. u were right to break it off with him. u guys haven't been dating that long and trust me u don't want another guy who will hurt u in the long run. he's already hurt u by ignoring u and boldy doing things in front of u to tell u he isn't interested or cares about how u feel, he will just do what he wants. do u really want to be with someone like that in the long run? u r seeing his true colors. if i was in your situation, i would've dumped him too. have respect for yourself and find someone better. u say u don't want to sound like a broken record, DON'T! just for argument's sake, let's say u do take him back, he will treat u horrible again and then expect to get away with it. not good.... good for u to break up with him!!!! Link to comment
capricorn85 Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 I know I shouldn't assume...I always communicated with him, but he would just respond with like one word...so confusing. Anyway yesterday he created a new album, I didnt bother yo look at it, but the four pics that showed up were all with girls. They were taken the same night of that party I went to where he avoided me! Idk why is making an album all of a sudden. Interesting that when we were together he never put any pics up. I don't intend on calling him anymore...yest he claimed he'd call me. He honestly irritates me... Link to comment
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