Time to Leave

[pacopaco]

I'm leaving this apartment. I stayed for a year after she left. I think I did what I could, and I did what I had to by staying. I thought we'd reconcile, but no. I'm stronger now than I was, and I think that if I stayed now I'd be holding on to who knows what. I need to leave, and now it is on my terms, not on anyone else's. I have nothing to prove to anyone, and the place just isn't the same without her anymore. These's no more dinner together or talking or TV. I need to leave this place and find out for myself what it is that makes Paco really tick.

[friscodj]

These are the words of a man on the right track with this break up.

 

All that's left to do now is act on your convictions expressed here. Easier said than done perhaps, so look at this departure as a job and get the job done ASAP before your solid convictions here start to soften up. This is the last step towards a path leading to better places in your life.

[pacopaco]

I didn't think I'd get a response, as I wasn't asking for advice, but thanks Frisco. I found myself not living alone, but living lonley. When I get out of work, i feel headaches coming on sometimes, and I wonder "Hhu? shouldn't the headache be while I'm at work." Mentally, and emotionally, I think I'm ok, but I'm not all that well spiritually, and that's why I need to leave. As I said, I stuck around all last year, for whatever reason, but I think I had to. this year is for me, and I feel I did what was in my power to do. I just need to submit now to that little voice inside me saying "Well done, Paco. You're finished here. You're free to go now." Rent is on the 15th. I'm giving my landlord a thirty day notice then.

[need2bme]

Here is another reply.

 

Paco, that was VERY well written and really struck a chord with me. My ex will be in our apartment from now on (I believe, living with another guy).

 

I went home to get my stuff. We went through the stuff in the garage. All the memories, etc. I thought I was just going to throw up.

 

I feel for you man, but maybe we can finally heal.

[pacopaco]

hi, thank you for the new reply. yeah, I've been feeling nauseous myself. I know what I'm about to do. I'm letting go. I have to. I realised that what I am about to do has nothing to do with my ex, and it's for me. I need to do it, but I am in pain right now. but I suppose that a little suffering does the soul good. I'm not happy right now, but this is what needs to be done. I need to leave the memories, and the fun times, and all that we shared right here, where it happened. It will only serve to make me toxic if i stay. I looked through the photos, and I was right. She was here. lived a life here with me. maybe one day, I'll look at the photos again and say the same thing about myself. "I was here with you, but no more, and I am happier for it."

[Ellie2006]

I just need to submit now to that little voice inside me saying "Well done, Paco. You're finished here. You're free to go now."

 

maybe one day, I'll look at the photos again and say the same thing about myself. "I was here with you, but no more, and I am happier for it."

 

PCPC,

I don't know why *I* got teary-eyed as I read these two quotes!

 

It looks like you're on the right track: good luck with everything!

Hope your new place will be filled w/ wonderful and joyous memories 1:

[pacopaco]

thank you ellie. I took the day off from work today, and I've been crying all day. It feels pretty good. I needed this. I want to let go, and at the same time I want things to let go of me. This crying, I feel is not for a love lost, but a life I used to live. Iam glad I am leaving. with some pain, true, but without being bitter or hateful. for that I am proud because it took so much of me to not be bitter.

[Ellie2006]

Hey PCPC,

 

Hope you're feeling better today!

Crying offers us such an emotional release, doesn't it? Also, it seems very much in line w/ the inner voice of strength giving us the green light to extricate ourselves from past hurt ...

 

I think I cried a little w/ you when I read your posts bc it very much reverberated my current state of mind; for me, this transition took place at the strike of midnight on New Years Day. I know it's rather silly to put so much stock in the "start of a new year" but I truly felt like I was starting anew ...

 

Good luck PCPC!

[meantime]

pacopaco, that is just about one of the saddest posts I have read on here, the image and your words encapsulated so simply and so powerfully what it means to break up, to spend time trying to heal, and finally moving on. To finally leave a part of your life behind. The image that came to mind when I read your post really made me cry.

[Vynde]

Wow Paco..

 

I have to say my eyes got a little foggy while reading this thread. You really hit a cord with me in so many ways..

 

I really give you credit for staying there a year.. I can understand why you didn’t want to leave at first, I know for me, it means letting go. Letting go a past that we were (still are sometimes) so attached too.. It’s hard. In fact, one of the hardest things ever..

 

I still live in the apartment me and my wife lived in.. Like you, I sometimes wonder why? Why don’t I move out, why am I killing myself day after day by staying?.. For me, it’s the hope of everything "falling back into place".. Which won’t happen.

 

I’m very happy for you.. I know you’re in pain right now - I feel that this step you’re taking is a big one. I hope one day soon I can do the same - You gave me a great insight.. Thank you very much.

 

I hope your doing ok today. I wish you the best of luck and like Ellie said, you have so many good memories to look fwd to where ever it is you move..

 

Hang in.

 

John

[shellshocked]

Whoa..

while reading this,

my eyes got a little watery too...

 

You sound like a man with plan to me, paco.

and i'm in awe of the strength i see.

 

Good luck...and keep us posted.

We're all in your corner!

[Pisces_Princess]

I know how you both feel.

 

When my partner ended our relationship in October I had to leave the home that we shared. I am in the process of moving my things at the moment and it is heartbreaking!

 

I visited him over Christmas and it was so strange being there in his home that still has lots of my things dotted around. It represents so much of the life and love we shared and I don't know how he can be there with all the memories, but I guess that the difference between us he wanted his space back...he was there alone before me and that's what he wants now.

 

I loved living with him and the thought of waking up without him every morning and going to sleep without him every night in just horrible.

[Vynde]

It’s very hard Pisces,

 

It hard to understand how they can not have or not seem to have a problem with all the items representing good memories. Like you said, that’s the difference between us and them. I guess everyone handles things in their own way huh?

 

Thing is, we will one day see, like Paco has - and although it wound be easy, paco has shown us its going to happen.. and we will be stronger for it..

 

This will sound a little odd.. but Ill say it anyway, and I might make it my new Tag quote.. In the words of Obi-Wan, " Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you could possible imagine”..

 

Hang in.

 

 

John

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Vynde,

 

I know I am trying to move forwards, I really am and have come such a long way in the last few weeks...but...I still feel like an empty shell.

 

You know when you wake up in the morning and for just a flicker in time you forget the situation and then in an instant it comes crashing in on you...

 

x

[Vynde]

heh. Its so odd you mention that, I havent heard anyone really mention on ENA.. but its somthing I feel everymorning too.. For that split second.. Your at peace, your calm. Its short lived.. I try and think to myself, that one day.. we will have that feeling all day.. Its hard to imagine. I know.

 

Father Time tells me he'll get me there, however hes backed up with ENA requests Kidding aside. During the time it takes us to heal, we can really look at ourselves - see where we have been, where we were/are heading and where we want to end up...

 

Hang in. You will be OK.

 

John

[Pisces_Princess]

You too John...we will both get there! x

[LONESOUL]

Pacopaco~

 

I have been following your path to healing, I think you have come

a long way. Each step is painful I know, but you are walking that road to a better happier life and I am happy for you that you are finding your way.

Good for you.

 

Take good care~

Lone

[pacopaco]

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your supprt and your compliments I feel so much better today. nothing like a day of deep crying cleansing to make you feel better. We're all in it (as anonymous as we all are) together, no?

 

Vynde, I was feeling like that too. that everything would fall into place. More imortantly, I stayed all year in this apartment for me too. When my ex and I broke up, I had no job. I was a mess. I was throwing in the towel when a good friend said to me "Right now, where are going to go if you run? Try and find a job, and stay. Never mind her, she's gone." I think that what he was telling was that I lost my job, my girl, and now I'm going to lose my pad? I have to try. I put all the hurt and pain away to focus on finding employment. I found a job (where i am now) and "put that fire out." So I stayed because I saw immediately after my breakup that I have strength, and power over me. Now, I'm not saying I didn't hurt because of a new found will. All I said was that I realised I had strengh. I'm hurt now, still, a year later, but that's why I'm leaving this place.

I did good last year, I was able to stay dignified and a gentleman to my ex, and you know what? I like the man who presented himself. My main purpose in leaving is to bring out this Paco who impressed me.

[pacopaco]

Oh, Vynde,

 

About Obi-Wan. From the start of my breakup, my friend would say to me (He knows I love Star wars) "You have to be Jedi about all this, man." Sometimes when we talk, I'll give to him advice and say "I'm just giving Jedi back." We're all a Padawan, no?

You must unlearn what you have learned

 

You must learn to let go of that which you fear to lose.

 

Master Yoda

[need2bme]

Paco, I am glad this thread is revisited. It gives me new hope. Ain't it cool how your words touched so many? That alone should make you smile.

 

It is all about letting go, isn't it? What is the saying? Let go, let God. I sure hope he is on my side for a change. Not mocking, but have you ever just looked up into the sky and said in a sarcastic tone, "AW, COME ON. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" ??

 

Paco, I am in the same boat you were in. I left my home that we lived in, to go for a job far away. I was going before, but she and I cried together so much, that I decided not to go at that time and burned a bridge in the process (I am glad I did not go at that time). When I had to go because of lack of money, I found another job and I went. She and I moved into our new place with visions of dreams of a new start in my head in the town where I left her.

 

She stayed in a beautiful apartment with all of my stuff and her sister to keep her company and I was either sleeping on floors or air mattresses in areas I did not want to live, so that WE could have a better life.

 

I came home on her birthday and we argued. Something about meds or something and then the next day, WHAM! she couldn't do it anymore. So, I was still stuck with nothing and living somewhere else, hoping beyond hope for some crumb that I could come home to her.

 

So, I worked here for 6 months, there for 6 months on contract positions and now I am back where I started working when I left her originally and by the way, being in this town again, is killing me.

 

Anyway, I had nothing and she had it all and now I am going home this weekend to move all of my stuff and make it final. She has been in our home for the year. A home I never got to really live in and now there is going to be some other guy living my life....