So upset- cant stop crying

[smiles314]

Hope this makes some sense.. Trying to type but all i see are tears in front of my face.

 

 

OK im back at college.. Came back yestrday.. And my ex bf, who i spoke to a lot over the summer- HE imed me and wanted to see me last nite. We talked for a long while online, and finallyl he came here to pick me up.. Well we went bak to his dorm room . It was very late. SO we spoke for a little, and layed next to each other- but just talekd. We hadnt seen each other in over 3 mos. But within minutes things just were back to normal- I felt completely safe and comfortable with him..And those feelings were there for the both of us. WEll basically we just hugged each other really tight, and kissed.. And well i was gettinga little physical-- and when i looked up, my ex said i duno- part of me wants this, part of me doesnt want to ruin whats happenign between us. ANd he knew that i didnt wanna rush into anything again.. Anyway we went to sleep like that, real sweet. ANd it looked like he was so sincere and really really cared.

Well last yr we were invovled...but he was sorta wanting me whenevr it was good for him- and i felt used. I said that i dont want to do the same thing that happened last yr. ANd he said its nto gona happen again.. WEll i woke up in the morning and we kept looking at each other. Well we started kissing, things got passionate.. and we let our selfs go- had sex. And when it was done (he was really quick) . Thigns felt awkward. THose feelings from last yr came back and felt like he was using me again.. I was so confused. He asked wat should we do now, and he looked at me and asked if i wanted to go home- I said yes, bc i thought he was hinting for me to leave. So he drove me home, we didnt hug- IT was just reallll awkward..And he dropped me off and gave me a quick kiss. When i got here i just broke down and cried. Then i imed him on the computer. And said we may have ruined it- and he said i dont think so. And he was just sayign he didnt want me to leave but he thought i felt uncomfortable. He was saying that he wats that feelings back, how he felt when he was around me all the time. And he agrees that it was a good night. BUt ya kno-- he makes a comment about wat i say and then he just goes and talks abotu something random. And that really bothers me.

 

So this was like an hr later.. And he asked what iw as doing today, and i said i didnt kno- and he didnt kno either. So i asked if he wanted to do somehting, and he said we'll see im not sure wat im doing... So he was goona tlak to me after a shower... Well he was just around his apartment like 40 mins later.. so i asked him if he knew wat he was gona do- And he said he was gona go Smoke some pot with his good friend (MAJOR pot head). And i told him that i was homesick, and nobody was in my apartment and i felt so lonely and wanted to cry, he just said awww. And mentioned, i dont help that? ANd then when i said well u dont wana hang out now.. And he said i gotta see my bouddy- And basically he just becomes something else. And he said i dont kno wat im doing later.. We'll see- and i just said forget its like im forcing u... And he didnt really say anythign, and just said that his friend came and he was leaving- so i said ill see u arond. And that was it..

 

I dont get how someone becomes sooo different when they are with there group of guy friends. ANd how he chooses to go smoke a joint with his friends, and not stop by to say hi.. I feel like in the end he only wants to do whats best for him, and what will make him happy and doesnt care about me. HE would never ever think to stop by and surprise me. HE just wants to smoke.. And he said pot doesnt take priority over me- but hes smoking.. SO wta the hell??? And he didnt say that he wanted to see me later for sure because he just wants to see wat his guy friends are doing.. HE says he wants me back, but this is bullshit. HE is soo selfish.. I kno we hang out last nite and earlier this morning. BUt if the girl ur trying to build a relationship bak up with is lonely, and wants to see u again-- wouldnt u make some effort??? IM sooo hurt and upset. I Dont kno what to do.. He talks to me a lot but i feel like his friends come first.. I kno he really cares.. But i feel like he just goes with the flow and never tries to do something extra.. He never wants to say wats on his mind.. I dont kno what to do here. I wanna be with him..BUt im in so much pain right now.. I feel rejected and lost. Its just not right... Help...

[Gunther]

sad story, sounds like there are a lot of subtle details that are hard to explain in there, sounds to me like he doesnt really love you, but I am not for sure but if he does pot instead of seeing you, I dont think it is a good idea to persue him, just my thoughts. Hope you find out what you think you should do. best wishes.

[BazookaMike]

Smiles I was wondering about what you decided to do. So tell me what you think, is this situation really any different this time around? Did you tell him that you need "all" of him or "nothing" at all. The Smiles I talked to last week knew that she wouldn't be able to handle some of him so why is she still settling for less?

 

Personally I think you've done more than enough on your side. He sounds like the kind of guy that cares just enough to keep you coming back. What he'd doing is picking up on a few key words or your mood and simply telling you what you want to hear. Are you sure that what he says back are really his true feelings?

 

I understand that you wish it could work out with him but that doesn't mean it ever will. I think this could be the point of no return. If he doesn't change now, he might as well blow it for good. You mentioned that you were afraid that you might scare him off, well now is the time to test that. If he comes back good, If he leaves that's great too. But hell, I don't think hell ever want to truly leave. To him you're like his free ticket, why would he simply throw that away. However if you can take it away and he'll show true motivation.

 

Smiles one thing; Why do you keep coming back? What are the reasons about him that keep you coming back, what does he actually give to you? What can he give you besides nostalgia over what you thought he could be/was. I'm sorry smiles but you you want my personal opinion of this guy? Well I'm going to give it to you anyway, you can try to defend him if you want, but seriously defending him isn't going to help him any. He's only responsible for himself.

 

I think he's too insecure to show his true feelings, afraid to lose. The fact that he smokes pot tells me one of two things; He's ether to insecure to give in to peer pressure, a coward. Or that doesn't care about anything other then how it makes him feel, that's selfish IMO. He's putting both of these things above the well being of his body, that shows me that he doesn't appreciate purity. Taking care of things shows maturity, and he doesn't even take care of his body. OK so he's smoked pot big deal, yeah I agree its pretty insignificant, but what it shows definitely is significant.

 

I've already said all I can in my old PM's but I can certainly say them again if you need me to. Best of luck on your decision to move on, because seriously it's the same old feeling, listen to yourself you want to stop this for good. Even if he starts providing for you better will it be forever? Its possible to have a physical relationship with anyone, it means nothing at all.

 

Try thinking happy tears... Reevaluate what you need and start looking for it other places. That is my advice to you. -bazook

[smiles314]

Hey- u mentioned that he was too insecure to show his feelings..and to lose.. Could u maybe expand on that? Often he keeps what he is thinking inside and never says it- thought maybe he didnt wanna be vulnerable. But could u explain more about this insecurity u believe he has?

[BazookaMike]

OK, personally I believe that losing is a way of life. If we never allow ourselves to lose, we'll never learn how to improve ourselves and we'll stay the same. Hey I've held back my opinions and feelings for most of my life. I Never lost but I never gained. Now that I'm one gf in the hole, I've realized that putting my opinions out there is important because it always me to contribute and give my unique perspective. If I always wait and make sure there was zero risk it will be to late.

 

Losing All-star for example. I wanted that one perfect the first time and I was afraid to put myself out there. If I still wasn't the one for her then no big deal. But the fact that didn't know makes me wonder about her sometimes. Whether or not if I could have made it knowing what I do now. This has driven me to strive to be my best always. However this is the kicker that got me thinking; Sometimes we won't know what we need to until its too late. I wanted to change us back, but I can't, its impossible. I can only do the next best thing, that is learn from what I did wrong. But we are limited to what we know at any given point in time So we can only give that much.

 

So the thing is I know I'm not perfect, but I trust my opinions/experience because I have weighed them out based on my experiences. Experience gives me something to stand on, but the awesome thing is that if my experiences ever fail me, I've got the humility to learn from it and advance myself to a new level. That said I love to lose, I actually look forward to when I lose. Deep stuff, still with me here?

 

So yeah, if he's insecure he needs to learn to let lose a little. If he's trying to have it all but he'll end up with much less in the end. Are you going to put his humility to the test? Or are you going to feel sorry for him and protect him from his own insecurity? And thus denying him the opportunity to learn and change. Remember its only an opportunity however. He has to learn-to-lose and lose-to-learn on his own. He might never learn, hope that helped. It is hard for me to explain.