Struggling in New Town

[romantic sweetheart]

I have been living in Corvallis for over a year; emotionally it has been rough. I came here in the hopes of healing from an abusive relationship, but the isolation and lonleiness I feel here have seemed to intensify the pain.

 

I have sought counselling and alternative healing therapies, as well as many self-help techniques, but I am hurting a great deal due to minimal emotional and social connections and support here.

 

To cope, I launched full force into my business, thinking this would soothe some of the severe emotional distress I am experiencing. Unfortunately, it has not. I have been in contact with several women in my profession, hoping to strike up friendships, but so far, nothing has "clicked."

 

Since it has been a year, I have been thinking seriously about returning to the place I lived previously---There has been no contact with the person there, for my health and sanity, and he has moved from that town.

 

I knew many people there, including a woman who quickly became an angel for me. The loss of these people's warmth and support has been the cause for considerable turmoil in my soul.

 

I am nervous about leaving my business behind, as I have worked so hard to establish myself here, and yet I try to imagine remaining here, and there is a great despaired feeling in my heart.

 

If anyone can give me their adive or opinions or similar stories, I would be so happy to hear your input.

[sddeaston]

You are only a couple hours from where I live

 

Had to point that out, you are the first person I have seen on here that I am close to.

 

Being in a new place is tough, especially after leaving a place you have grown to know. I have never been in your situation, so keep in mind that these words come from experiences I have helped my friends through.

 

My friend moved to Kansas when he was 19. He knew no one, and would often call me to talk, because he was sooooooo bored/lonely. After about 8 months (conservative estimation??) he slowly called less and less. His only commonality with people of interest was school, and baseball. He had to really force himself to meet people, and to find a niche.

 

Once he became friends with one of his teamates, it still took him a few months to really get a good solid friend base there. What he told me is that people reacted to him, the way he reacted to people (or the PERCEIVED way he was reacting).

 

When he knew no-one, he would act as though he knew no one...and from that people deducted that he wanted to know no one. I am not saying that your attitude is bad, please don't think that is what I mean.

 

I know you came to Oregon to get away from a very bad situation. In light of that, you probably were reluctant to really put yourself out there for people to get to know, which (although not right) makes people think you already have what you need (friends, family..w/e), or unfortunately, like in my situation, makes people think you are conceided or stuck up.

 

You have to push the issue. Introduce yourself to people, even when you don't feel like being social. It is something I have had to do forever, but a few years back I finally adapted to this lifestyle, and have made more positive changes in my (choice of) friends.....and even in my life as a result of the confidence that gaining friends gives you.

 

This is not easy, in any way, especially after you have moved here for the reasons you have. It is easy to feel lost after a life-changing move, and I commend you for sticking to it for a year to date. Pat yourself on the back for that!

 

Are there any people you know that are your, or have the potential to be your friends in Corvallis?

[romantic sweetheart]

Thanks for the reply--There are a few people I know here through my work, but we just don't seem to have that "chemistry" to become good friends. Somehow, friends came to me a lot easier where I was previously. I am a little shy, so it's not always easy to meet people, but I am friendly and warm to others.

 

I understand it takes a long time sometimes to break into a town. I have moved to other places and had easier times than here--Could just be where I am in life--Most people are settling into marriage, family, etc. It's not quite as easy as it was when I was younger to find people who are in my sort of "social bracket." Things have changed in that respect for me.

 

However, I was able to meet many nice people in Ashland, where I was living before.

 

I am pondering this decision heavily---I want to make the right choice.

[sddeaston]

Why in the heck did you move from the Valley (thats where I am) to Corvallis? I know WHY you moved, but why Corvallis? So....desolate, although closer to Portland.

[Wimpy]

Hey Romantic Sweetheart - nice to hear from you - I often check the posts to see how you are doing.

 

I can't really give advice - firstly because I'm not from the US so don't know the places involved or distances and secondly I've always lived in the same city and have a great network of family and friends. Just the thought of moving away from that would freak me out so I can kind of understand how isolated you feel.

 

Perhaps though, the move has served it's purpose? Now you have moved away from the abusive relationship and recovered to a degree and he is no longer in your old town, would it be possible to move back now and start afresh?

 

Also, is your business transferrable or could you start again in your old city?

[romantic sweetheart]

I moved here thinking it would be closer to more activity--Eugene, Portland, etc, and because it is a college town. But these positive attributes are not outweighing the loss of social support.

 

Hi Wimpy--Yes, I can move my business with me, luckily. It's a pet sitting business, so it would be a matter of building up a client base again. I do have several contacts in Ashland that could help me again, so it might not be too hard. But it would take awhile to build up what I have here.

 

Thank you for your help!!!

[sddeaston]

Maybe, if you are serious about moving back to Ashland, you can start to slowly advertise here or contact those people (if they don't already know) and let them know you are thinking about it, and you can develop (or decide your best option) from there.

 

Just know, it will get better, and you will find your place.