New Year/New Attitude

[Prober]

Well, it has been over six months since I was dumped by my ex-fiance and we were tasting wedding cakes two weeks before she left. I have it confirmed that she is seeing someone new and is smitten with him and has no use for me whatsoever. She doted over me for 5.5 years and constantly told me how attached she was to me and how excited she was, looking forward to our wedding.

 

I have spent the past six months feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out how I got blindsided when she left after a stupid fight. It made no sense. I had some issues with impatience, intolerance, and impulsivity, but I never cheated, lied, or was physically violent. I think for the most part, I treated her like a Goddess in accepting her with all the baggage she brought to the relationship: She was sexually molested by her father when she was a child, her ex-husband cheated on her and married the woman he cheated on her with, her sister committed suicide in our first year of our relationship, she had to admit herself to a hospital for an OCD disorder after finding out her husband had been unfaithful, she was going through menopause, she had given up legal and physical custody of her retarded son, and she often times directed anger towards me when some of these unresolved issues would rear their ugly heads.

 

For my part, I would get into verbal arguments with her, mostly when we were in the car, driving on trips. I would become incensed and a few times, I asked for the engagement ring back after she would say "F-You" to me. I know it was childish and wrong, but I didn't want to be married to someone who spoke to me like that and yet, I was also verbally abusive. I have to see that I also had my contributions to the wreckage.

 

I waver back and forth from blaming myself and thinking I lost such a gift and now this new guy is getting all her doting, complimenting, love and affection and I lost out. And then, sometimes, I think about how despicable she behaved during the breakup and how she cut off all feeling for me as soon as she found herself in love with him. She actually has treated me like I never exsisted. She cut off all contact with my family and friends. She detached as excessively as she had attached to me. It's pathological.

 

I have 10 days of NC and it has been so hard. I keep seeing her making love to the new guy and having him be the best she ever had, furthering my fear that she feels that I was such an ogre.

 

It has been long enough. I have wasted over six months of my life fretting about losing her, wishing she'd call and reconsider, imagining her with the new man, ad nauseum.

 

I am hopeful that for the New Year I can take a new approach to my plight and thank my lucky stars that I did not end up in marriage with a person who could so easily cut me off and treat me as badly as she did during the breakup. Who is she? Was she ever real when she was constantly doting, complimenting and professing how she could never leave because she was so attached to me? I wonder if I was played. I think how can someone with all her issues have been so catering?

 

I have to understand that I am a very good person and must hold my head high and realize that I did truly love her and provided her with so many wonderful qualities I possess and also held in high regard and always wanted the best for her and never, ever wanted her to be in pain.

 

I have worked hard these past six months to make adjustments to my demeanor and approach. I have learned some hard lessons and it's extra difficult to digest thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. But, obviously, she had other plans (like another more viable candidate).

 

I truly wish I will find someone new and she will benefit from what I have learned form this horrible, heart-wrenching breakup. I hope and pray that I can finally put her behind me and move forward with a new-found vigor for looking forward to what lies in store for me and understand that I will fianlly find the real love of my life and both she and I will live the rest of our lives in bliss.

 

Happy New Year!

[Ladyface]

That was very refreshing to read. I admire your attitude towards your past and present situation, and I wish you great luck in the new year! I'm sure you will find yourself happy again; you have a strong head on your shoulders.

[jusified]

just keep that attitude up and believe in yourself.

 

Wow you are going through a tough time but you seem lie a strong person an stay that person. New year will bring you new wind and along with it better opportunities.

[Prober]

Thanks for the replies. I know this is painful and possibly the most painful experience of my life, but in some crazy way, I feel that it may ultimately prove to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I just have to get myself to believe that!

[matius]

I keep seeing her making love to the new guy and having him be the best she ever had, furthering my fear that she feels that I was such an ogre.

 

I bet you that this is the case in less than 5% of situations like that. It's never as glamorous as we think it is in our imaginations.