wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Im having a hard time today! Remember my little story with my ex...seeing each other a whole year and have only decided to go on NC 4 days ago.. I feel as though I have a HUGE bump in my stomach and empty... I feel as if, if I heard him on the phone or saw him I'd feel so much better... What do you do to feel better? Geez, its only been 4 days..... HELP! Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Go out with friends...socialise...try and take your mind off it whatever way possible!!! Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Yeah but ... what does it change just a message to see if things are ok? I dont understand why its so important to stop contact completley? Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Have you not read the 1000s of posts on here regarding cutting contact? Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Hey WC, I hear ya: NC is hard ... and it is certainly not right for every situation. But it seems as though 4 days ago, you felt that it was a good idea to begin NC. So what's changed since 4 days ago to make you change your mind about doing NC? Maybe you can stick to it a couple more days and give NC a chance to work its magic, so to speak. Hang in there! Hugs, Ellie Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Yes I have... Im at work and cant help thinking about it... I feel as though HOPE of hearing from him helps feel better.... Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Thank you Ellie.. I needed that! I guess I just miss him now and was upset that he thought it was a good idea aswell to cut communication... and i think its upsetting me because he really isnt giving any news.... 4 days isnt long right? Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 WC, The first few days of NC are the hardest; I don't know if this is the appropriate analogy but it is almost as if you're going through withdrawal from an addiction. WC, in the past, you were a bit concerned about NC bc you thought it would push him away? I understand that you care for this guy but the situation between you guys was not good for you at all! WC, you deserve so much more than this guy was willing to give, wouldn't you say? Yes, it is natural that you miss him BUT would it be fair to say that you do NOT miss the way he would not fully commit to a healthy relationship with you? NC is hard; no doubt about it. We're here for you, if you need us. BUT you also have to remind yourself of the very valid reasons why you initiated NC in the first place. Stay strong, WC! Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 ELLIE, Thank you so much! You are right, just like an addiction! I keep thinking about him and what he is doing... How long would you think it would take to feel a bit better? I know NC is for me, but I feel that his contact is for me too.... You are right though, he does have money problems, lying issues... but why am I so attached to a guy I know isnt right for me? That is what I want to know? Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 WC, Unfortunately, I don't know how long it would take for you to feel better (as it differs among individuals) but I DO hope you feel better soon! You probably already know this but just bc we love someone, it does NOT make him/her the right person for us. Also, breaking up sucks! Just bc we're breaking up w/ someone who's undeserving of our love, this does NOT make the breaking up process any easier or less painful. Just keep reminding yourself of why you CHOSE to go the NC route; contact w/ him, at this point, would not be helpful for you, even though, I know, you really want to hear from him. Also, a wise person told me that just bc I miss someone and crave contact w/ someone, it does NOT mean regaining contact with that someone will be good for me in the end. Take care, WC and please know we're here to support you! Hugs, Ellie 1: Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 but why am I so attached to a guy I know isnt right for me? That is what I want to know? I hate to say it but its because all women want a "bad boy" and then hope to try and change him. Whereas there are plent of good guys out there but they fall into the category of "nice guy" which and I appreciate I am generalising but as they say they always come last... Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 I dont agree with you... its not his bad boy side that has got me attached to him... its how we get along so well.... ashame he has money problems and lying problems though... like I said! Link to comment
Cindersam Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Lying is a big red flag. I was once involved with someone who had a "lying" problem and it came to the point that I questioned in my mind almost everything he said. In the end it turned out he was engaged to someone else while sending flowers to me trying to get me back! You can never trust a lyer. That was several years ago and I can't tell you how good it feels to be with someone you can believe. My last relationship lasted 6 years and I never questioned what he told me. There was no reason to. In 6 years I never caught him lying to me or anyone else. What a difference! You deserve someone who is going to be honest with you. I am in day 46 of NC and it does get better. I have good days and bad days and sometimes I don't feel like I've come very far but I think I probably have come further than I realize. Go out with friends. Keep youself busy. Take time to do things for you. I know it's hard but you will get better. Good luck! Link to comment
Biffy Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 I hate to say it but its because all women want a "bad boy" and then hope to try and change him. Whereas there are plent of good guys out there but they fall into the category of "nice guy" which and I appreciate I am generalising but as they say they always come last... He he, you reminded me of this rant by a comedian called Bill Hicks "I’m sure satan would have no problem conquering this planet ‘cause all the women would go, -“what a cute butt!” -he’s satan… -you don’t know him like i do -he’s the prince of darkness -i can change him...” Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 He he, you reminded me of this rant by a comedian called Bill Hicks "I’m sure satan would have no problem conquering this planet ‘cause all the women would go, -“what a cute butt!” -he’s satan… -you don’t know him like i do -he’s the prince of darkness -i can change him...” Amen to that Brother. Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 WC, I know exactly how you feel right now. I am only in my 1st day of NC but I have to realize that it was my idea. Even though she broke up with me, it was my idea to initiate this. It is going to be hard as hell the first few days, and maybe weeks. But remember that things will get better and contacting them will just make them feel like you are still hurting. They need to realize that you have changed and become happy with yourself, and until you can become happy and love and respect yourself then contacting them wont help at all. When you are ready and are totally comfortable with your situation and can handle anything they say to you then try and initiate contact but not until then. After I talked to her last night and told her that I wanted NC for awhile, i felt great. When I woke up this morning I didnt feel so hot, but I knew that this is what we both want and need. And until I can show her that I have changed and have moved on then I cannot talk to her or see her. She needs to have the chance to miss me and contacting her will not allow her to do that. If they know exactly what is going on in your life there is no guessing. Make them want to contact you, and leave them guessing what you are up to. I know that might sound selfish and its not meant to, but missing you might just change them enough to bring them back, but if not you have to be ready to deal with that. So do something that will make you happy. I plan on hanging out with friends tonight and have been telling myself all day that "today is the first day of the rest of my life, I am going to make it a good one". NC is for you and only you. Don't worry yourself with what they are doing, think that they are missing you becuase the longer you stay strong the more likely they are. And if they arent, then what can you do? You cant make them come back and even if they did and still had negative feelings it would never work. If and When they come back and you have both learned to love yourselves you will be better people and your relationship will be better than ever. Good luck and please stay strong. Link to comment
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