Nice Mini Delusion, any possible reassurance?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Bom de Bom, you think you're doing alright, and then you hit a nasty stone that trips you.

 

Today wasn't bad at all; in fact it was almost approaching "Good". I had felt a little down and angry, but its fairly par for course. After bed-shopping for the new house buying a Christmas tree and decorating it with my boyfriend, I had a sudden revelation that I didn't want to stay there "all weekend" as I had planned. I'd been there from Friday night and was going to stay until college on Monday.

 

I had no qualms about this. No problems. I love my boyfriend, we've been together a long time, we were going to do various pleasant things of various natures.

 

I was looking forward to it. So why did I suddenly feel a cascade of panic/depression? I hinted as much, and although he made a couple of disappointed remarks (he'd been looking forward to seeing me all weekend, etc) he happily took me home.

 

Then It All Went Wrong. I have a cold/mild viral infection anyway, and I had a flash of feeling hot as I went upstairs. Then I caught sight of a bruise on my leg.

 

Cue Mass Meltdown. Within 5 minutes, and for the next 30-40, I was convinced that:

 

1) My skin was blistering all over (twisted in front of mirror over and OVER to check this out)

2) I had appendicitis

3) My boyfriend loathed me

 

I was panicking, panicking, panicking. I held onto myself and told myself it'd pass, it was just (i say "just"!) a little delusion/panic attack.

 

I had to do a lot of breathing/distraction, but I got through it.

 

I hate this. I didn't ASK for this.

Moan Moan Moan. All I Want For Christmas Is A New Brain.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I think you know that what occurred was merely a delusional panic attack, as you said as much. You know that the feelings you had have no realistic grounds. You're not blistering all over, you don't have appendicitis, and your boyfriend likely doesn't loathe you.

 

Of course, you may have some sort of other horrible disease.

 

Nah. You're fine. I have no reassurances unfortunately, but at times I feel like you do. Maybe not to that extent, but at times I start getting a bit like that myself. I don't know how to stop it.

[Juliana]

Yeah, but this is bound to happen periodically, right?

 

If it were me, and I'm not saying that this is my advice, but I've had my moments, what I would do would be to get back to what I was trying to do before I was so rudely interrupted. If your boyfriend wouldn't mind, that is. If you're able to now, I would go ahead and do that -- pleasant things and all.

 

I think you did really well to get through it. I've had a rough day myself -- rough 48 hours, really -- and I commiserate.