do i still have a chance?

[shoobs]

i'm 19 years old and i've know this girl for about a year. she's 20 and in the same course in university. we are really good friends and for about 10 months i saw her just as a friend. there was no physical attraction at first but recently i started looking at her in a different light and her personality meant that i started to harbour a crush on her. I thought that it would pass but because i still felt for her i asked her out about a month ago.

She said "no" and told me that another friend (who i know as well) had asked her out 2 weeks before me. She said that if i had asked her earlier then she wuld ahve said, yes. However, she also said that she had never seen me in that way.

When i talked to the guy, he said that he knew i had feelings for her and asked her out regardless.

The thing is that i just cant get over her and every day i see her. i don't want to keep reminding her and she doesn't like me to bring the subject up but i feel that if i don't tell her then she wont know how much i love her. I still think i have a chance with her and would like to know your opinions on this. This situation is way too complex for me to solve on my own!

 

 

 

thanks

[AsianPersuation]

i think is a 50/50 chance i mean she likes you but then again shes with another guy and doesnt wanna bring the subject up but i think that when she and hiim break up then she might love you more or something iono well just wait and see what happens

[savagegerbil1607306442]

She said "no" and told me that another friend (who i know as well) had asked her out 2 weeks before me. She said that if i had asked her earlier then she wuld ahve said, yes. However, she also said that she had never seen me in that way.

 

She sounds conflicted to me, on one hand she said she would on the other hand she doesnt see you in that way. She also said she doesnt want to talk about it, maybe she feels guilty for turning you down, or maybe she doesnt want your friendship to be complicated. My opinion would be to give her space, be there for her as a friend, but find other women to date. You have to get your mind off her though, if you dwell on it you are only gonna hurt yourself, ruin your friendship, and worst of all hurt your schooling. She knows how you feel, if she wants a relationship more then friends she will approach you. Just tell leave a door open, cause she may see you with these other girls and feel you dont want her anymore.

[AsianPersuation]

dont listen to savagegerbil if i were you i wouldnt stand around waiting for her to be done dating these guys and wait for her to ask you out she may never do that so for now i think that you should go and find someone else you like and start dating other women and maybe when she sees you with all these girls shell start seeing you another way that you want her too dont loisten to savagerbil and stay around leaving a door open for her when you think shell want to go out with you its a waste of time and it may never happen

[savagegerbil1607306442]

All I'm saying is if you keep bringing it up to her, your going to push her away, thats why you need to give her space. Back off but let her know you are still a friend and are there for her. Keeping a door open means telling her that if she ever wants to persue something more then friendship, that you would like that. It lets her know that even though you are dating other women, she is still wanted.

 

As far as dating other people, I think if you do it for yourself it's a good thing and I encourage it, but if you do it just so she may get jealous and want you more then thats not fair to your relationship and to the other girls you are dating. Ask yourself, would you want a relationship built on manipulation?

[AsianPersuation]

once again dont listen to savagerbil i know you like her but why would you be with other women and still tell her that she is still wanted when your with someone else??? exactly if your with another person then i would think that you also love that other person too savagerbil is telling you to go out be with other women but whenever she wants you then youll automatically jump back to her and leave the other person behind? no thats not a good advice and oh i have a good advice right now why dont you (savagerbil) just shut up because your giving really bad advice here and it doesnt make sense you dont like someone who your friends with that dont have feelings for you and go be with other woman but still leave a door open that door has to be close if your with someone else that i would think you truly love your telling this dude to be with other women but at the same time tell her his doors always open for her whenever she decides she likes him thats stupid because then all he would be doing is hurting the other girl if he did left her for his friend

[shoobs]

well....thanks to everyone who has replied. there is no right or wrong and i did tell you it was a complex situation!!

 

i forgot to tell you that the girl is really shy and kinda blushes everytime we bring the subject up.

 

she also said once that she is "happy that her boyfriend is as crazy as her, otherwise it wouldn't work". what would she mean by that? ad is thie relationship as strong as it seems?

 

thanks to all the guys that replied!!

 

i'll keep you all posted

[shoobs]

wow!! you must have read my last post and my situation is explained there. Since then (yesterday) i sent her an sms asking how she was doing.

she said that she has split from her boyfriend because "it wasn't working out". i said that i was sorry and she says that "i'm quite relieved it's over because it had been hanging over me for a while". I stupidly told her that i'm still interested and if she wanted to make anything of it then she should tell me...she replied that "this is not a good time...no, sorry. i don't think i could".

 

does this mean that i caught her on the rebound cos i think that they split this week?

 

and when should i ask her again (third time) if ever?

 

i'm scared she'll find someone else because she is really pretty and i always ask girls just when they meet a new guy!!!

[shoobs]

please tell me if i should ask out a friend again ( for the third time). my situation is explained in my previous posts. and what exactly should i tell her? nothing too corny cos she doesn't like BS!!

[Stinker1607306446]

NO! DO NOT ASK HER OUT! Unless, of course, you want to hear 'no' for a third time. If you really like her, be her friend. DO NOT ASK HER OUT ON A DATE. If you are still interested, you need to just hang out with her, with no pretense that you are 'going out'. Make no 'move'. Ask to go out with you and your friends to a movie or ask her if you she would help you pick out a present for your mother or a girlfriend or something and have no idea what to get them. Just spend time with her as a friend not a girlfriend. If she likes you, trust me, it will be very obvious.

[Neo7]

Not trying to be the pessimist or anything. But if you've already asked her out twice and she said no. Why would you ask her out again? Quick story one of my good friends (guy) and one of my other good friends (girl) we've all be friends for a long time. Well my guy friend asked my girl thats a friend out once and she said no. She enjoyed being his friend and wanted to keep it like that. Some time passed and a bit later he asked her out again. Again she said no. Same reason she liked the friendship, didn't want to ruin it and just didn't like him that way. Well about 2 months ago he comes to me saying how he thinks she is coming aroud and she has been flirting with him more etc and he is thinking of asking her out again. Obviously I tell him not to do it, she's told me how she gets really sick of him asking her out and why can't he just accept that they are friends.

 

Were all at a party everyones drunk and he decides to have this long chat with her about why they can't be more than friends. . It ends up pissing her off b/c she's told him time and time again they are friends. Basically I've been the mediator and everyone is happy again and its friends again. Moral of the story dont ask your friends out more than twice. I wouldn't do it man. Not want you wanted to hear but I hope it helps. Girls are weird when it comes to this friend stuff they really are.

[shoobs]

thanks guys.....i asked a mutual friend for advice and she said the same thing. She'll never come round to asking me out cos she's really stuborn and wil never asmit she was wrong. One thing still bugs me though....when she was going out with her previous boyfriend, she said that i should have asked her out earlier. meaning that i did have a chance but f-ed it up????? girls are weird!!

 

keep replying though..i guess it'll help other people

[bexcelant]

Shoobs, If you have read my posts, you know that I am in exactly the same situation as you. I am a big fan of no contact and that is what I did to her for 6 months after I told her how I felt and she told me that my timing sucked cause she had just committed to another guy. I was not happy and I bought her a rose and then told her that I'd be seeing her around. Well seeing her around amounted to not talking to her at all. Recontacted her after 6 months and with time there is healing. She and I are now friends again but not as close as before. She is still dating the other guy..they are having problems but I'm going to hang in there and be there for her but at the same time...not too close to the situation. Only time will tell what will happen now.

 

Bex

[shoobs]

The only way you can help yourself is by not acting like a victim......."hanging in there" amounts to bieng a victim. why cant you have fun too?? You'll find someone else, and maybe she'll turn out to be better??

 

Maybe the sight of you treating another girl with love and affection will bring home to her what shes missing.

[bexcelant]

Make no mistake...I'm not waiting around waiting for her to fall back into my arms..oh no far from it. I'm out there having fun, dating others and meeting new girls. This one is still in the mix..but right now she's down a few notches on the totem pole. If it ever comes back again..well we can discuss it and maybe she'll go back to the top of the totem pole..but right now..she's with another guy and all I can do is be her friend.

 

BEX