Can men just be with ONE woman?

[Genesis]

I have question for everyone why does it seem like some men can not be with just one woman? Some men say that it is because men have the need to spread their seed, but men are not animals! God gave us the ability of higher thinking, and the knowledge to know the difference from right & wrong. Men are not dogs, rabbits, or monkeys, so why do we compare them to animals. Do not get me wrong I know that there are a lot of great guys out there!

 

I just wanted to know why do some have the need to sleep around. Also, when they do have a good woman they eventually take her for granted because they feel the need to spread that seed!

[NewlywedinMD]

If you find the right person, you will stick with her. There are times when a piece of eye candy will catch my eye, but doesn't mean I want her. Women are the same way, at least from what I know..

[SarCareBear]

Actually , the men are animals thing is correct. Humans ARE animals, however fuull of ourselves we may be, and it IS higher thinking that keeps many men attached to a women they truelly care about.

[jujigatame]

I don't sleep around, and would be quite happy in a monogamous relationship with a quality woman. However, I have a pretty high level of self esteem. Some men, especially those who feel they are lacking in humor or intellect or charm, or whatever, feel the need to sleep with women as a means of reflecting their value, i.e., "If all these women find me sexually attractive, then I must be worth something!" It's the affirmation that you are sexually desirable more often than the sex itself - if that was the problem, they'd all just masturbate.

 

Personally, I think it means more if one woman is actually IN LOVE with you...

 

Don't disregard the fact that just as many women as men are unfaithful. One recent study conducted by a German research group showed that 53% of all the married women they interviewed had slept with another man at least once in their marriage, and MORE WOMEN THAN MEN reported feeling GUILTLESS about their infidelity.

 

I think women do it for the same reasons as men do - to find a sense of self-worth and security.

[Genesis]

I know that women cheat too, so this goes for all the ladies too. I see some of my friends cheating on their BF's , and it makes me sick they do not listen to anyone. The reason they give is b/c their BF does not treat them well, but they will not leave them! I do not understand they are not married why not break up, but they love the BF more than the person they are cheating with. You are right the other person is their just to boost the ego.

 

(On the other side) There is a difference between a man and a animal. If we are animals I do not see the point in marriage. With out commitment and marriage , I think this world has turned into S#$% pool of broken families. A child needs a mother and father!! I know, I did not have a mother most of my life, I feel that it has affected me in some ways. True kids can be raised by one parent, but I would have loved to have both of my parents in my life.

 

Broken families creates poverty, poverty creates crime, crime creates sin, and sin creates death. When men & women can not stay with their family then the world just seems to get worse & worse generation to generation.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Genesis?

How dare you? How dare you come up with this brilliant question and not pm..me to let me in on the juice. This was the actual question I was going to ask today and I see that you my little friend has beaten me to it. Dag nam it...you got to it first...so now I must be jealous. J/k lol...

 

I love this question and ofcourse as you can see you and I share the same ideas on alot of things, this is just proof of one more thing we both view the same....question, are you my twin or something???

 

ANSWER TO THE QUESTION

 

I believe that if a man and women are friends first and they truly value eachother , then eye candy is really as far as it goes. All men don't cheat on all women they meet? Ya know. There are some men out there who have done enough playing and are ready for the real thing. This also goes for the ladies

[matt_20]

I don't know, this is a really good question.

 

I am a guy, I am only 19 mind you. I had a girlfriend for 9 months... we did break up... we slept together but never had sex. We both wanted to at different times but always thought it would be a better idea not to, because of difficulties already in our relationship. In terms of, we want to be together and don't want anything to get in the way.

 

I think some guys... do it to maybe tell there friends, I slept with so-so.. blah blah blah..

[Baffler Meal]

What a great topic. It has really made me think. Thank you. First, I'll say that you are absolutely right about the sorry state of broken families today. It is so frustrating and disheartening to see people with children behave in such destructive ways.

 

Yes, men can be happy with just one woman, if they have the right strategy. Being with one woman made me happy. Did I want to have sex with other women? You'd better believe it. But I never would have as long as my agreement stood. I want to try to discuss my thought process on this, since I was able to do it successfully.

 

It seems to me that there is a belief that love is just like a type of magic power that will take care of everything automatically. But to make it work in the long run, it takes work. That is a cliché and everyone can recite it by rote. So why are there so many problems?

I don't think can be attributed to laziness. Look at how much effort people will put into cheating-it's unreal. Nobody wants to brag about cheating on a partner who is good for them unless they are really sick. I think that they just don't know how not to cheat.

 

I would hope that most cheaters who are not total troglodytes make a calculated risk, even if it's a very fast thought. Is it worth it to give in to their desire and risk losing their primary relationship? I think that it is the wrong question entirely. You ask your brain to generate an answer, but when your hormones are raging and you feel that chemistry, it's like a magic 8 ball where every panel says "HELL YES!" It's going to prove your feelings to be valid, and no matter how convoluted the argument, you're going to buy into it.

 

To me it's about integrity. If I make a verbal contract with a friend, I can't imagine a scenario where I would violate it. If I was so tempted I couldn't stand it, I'd have to tell my partner that I need to see other people first.

 

Some people keep a picture of their partner in their mind and when tempted imagine this person gone forever. The problem with this is that on some level you know that there are other partners in the world. In fact, one of them is right in front of you and wants to have sex! The picture is instantly replaced by a more exciting one.

I keep a concept of my personal integrity, and when tempted to break a promise, I imagine it gone forever. What's left? Emptiness, regret and sorrow. There is nothing in the world that can replace your integrity. It is absolutely unique in the universe, and once you throw it away, it's gone.

 

So, that's how I did it. Like I said, I definitely wanted other women, but I can say that I was never tempted to go out and do anything about it. It isn't just about having values, it's about living up to your values. Anybody can espouse values. Cheaters who cheat on good people may even really believe in their values, they just haven't learned how to live them.

[Mar]

Well said, baffler!! *mini-applause* I have to agree about the self-esteem thing....I believe that's an accurate reason why men cheat. (And women too, most definitely.) But, if a man is going to be so immature as to have to prove himself sexually in some manner, he should at LEAST have the decency to break it off with the person he's with and let them know that he's not ready to settle down. And yes, many men do, and us women hate them for it....but I'll take that rejection/honesty as opposed to not knowing about it at all or until after the fact (such as what happened to me once) and look like a fool later. Nothing like dating a man, having him suddenly cease all contact with you, and find out after the fact that he'd eloped to Vegas with some woman he'd met while he was with you...lol And this having to be told to me by someone else! Live and learn.......*sigh*

[revdeluka]

from my point of view, men are trying to fill that empty space in their hearts. everyone both male and female are constantly seeking for purpose, meaning and love. for men, they believe that if a woman is able to give them their most priced possesion, their body, then they are really special. note, a man will only get laid if a woman allows him, while a woman can get laid anytime she wants. so that makes a woman hold the sexual power and when a man makes her give that power up, he feels important, smart, accepted and powerful. i think this is the reason almost all men cheat when they have a chance. i dont know about women, besides until date no one person knows what women want but whatever it is, it is quite very frankly related to a quality men can or do posses. conclusively, i will like to note that this is just a train of thought and isnt any hard and fast information.

[ladykross]

You know, I don't know. Every man that I have ever dated or been friends with has cheated on thier other halves. However, I have heard that there is a very rare and exclusive form of human male that believes in the concept of monogomy and even pratices it. I have only met one. My father.

[Oceankayaking]

I completely agree with jujigatame. I am in my own world of suffering because I cheated, multiple times on a woman that loved me. I did it because i wanted to hurt someone else and make them feel as bad as i felt about myself, but also because I was so surprised these women found me so desirable.

The betrayl and lying is killing me. I even kept IMing and emailing one of them until the end of our relationship. I finally told her because I did fall in love with her and I still am and I know I can never get her back.

I was never so horrible of a person and I am commited to changing. It got so bad I forgot what the truth was. I believe that a man can be with one woman because there is nothing I would not do to be with her again and her only, but as with all of us who cheat and lose - she is gone and there is nothing I can do.

I broke her heart after she had a series of horrible guys and I knew about those stories because I asked her. I will never be rid of the pain and the damage I caused and I will never do it again.