Our First Fight...so petty.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Yesterday it was our "One Month Anniversary." I don't normally put emphasis on things like that, but it was important to my sig. other, so I said what the heck.

 

Got some roses and a card. Nothing too fancy--can't set the bar too high.

 

The night went really well. We just ended up getting dinner late, and got home around midnite. I was really tired though, I had been up since 5:00am, and had 3 hours of MMA training earlier. We had already made love when she first came over, but after dinner she wanted to go again. I was tired, but I thought I could push through it, if she did the initiating.

 

At dinner she had 2 martinis, and I thought she was tipsy (tipsy enuff that she had me drive us home in her car).

 

She was being pretty aggressive, then said she was going to "take [sex] from me." That touched a nerve, I thought perhaps she was drunk, but regardless I have enough dignity for myself that I'm not going to let anyone talk to me like that. I could have let it go, but I really felt like I had to stand up for myself. So I just told her that maybe we should just go to bed.

 

She got really quiet...I thought about just sleeping and talking to her in the morning, but I asked her what was up. She said she was upset, and I explained why I had stopped. Then she rolled over and started crying.

 

She said that I was sending mixed signals, that she didn't know what she was doing, she doesn't understand what I wanted. She said she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship, because of the emotional rollercoaster. Just way to much drama.

 

I guess she was just really hurt because she felt like I rejected her. I don't think what I did was wrong. I have *EVERY* right to do what I did. I was respectful about it. Perhaps I shouldn't have went from 60 to 0, and instead explained that I didn't like the words she used.

 

But I wasn't mean at all. I feel like she overreacted a lot. Saying it was my fault. I just agreed with her. I tried not to get defensive.

 

I feel like there is something more at work. I think that something doesn't have to do with me. She might have problems expressing some emotions (she comes from a dysfunctional family) so I think with her, when it rains, it pours. Maybe she feels really bad for crying in front of me. Who knows. I don't even know if she is able to talk about this.

 

I'm sorry she's hurt--and that I didn't handle the situation in the best possible manner, but if this minor incident is enough to make her end a relationship, then I'd be way better off without her.

 

I feel pretty crummy. Any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

LIMT.

[fnlyfrei]

Hmmm...I guess if the situation were reversed, the guy would come off as seeming somewhat base and crude...and it stinks that there are double standards...we women are not used to that kind of rejection...even if it is equal and fair. I think she was just very embarrassed. It's expected of men to be aggressive and want sex, but if we do the same thing and are pushed away...gee, we feel like big, stupid, ugly idiots. I guess we need to work on the fact that men can say "no" too....I guess that is what you are working with. She isn't crazy, she just likes you alot and is embarrassed...I think.

[amtjrtcet]

Hmmm, well sounds like she's a little dramatic, plus the martinis, plus maybe feeling a little rejected. Let it breath. It'll pass. As long as it doesn't continue, I wouldn't worry about it.

[agent1607307371]

I think Michelleth has hit it right on the head.

 

And you had every right to respond the way you did. If a guy said that to me... whew! fireworks.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Cinqui, everyone.

 

Thanks for the replies. She's still upset, and I'll give her the space she needs to sort it out.

 

Hopefully it works for best.