Need Opinions Please!

[af77]

Removed!!!!!!

[friscodj]

The question I have is why is she continuing to bring up this guy in our conversations. I know he is her good friend but in a way I feel that she is almost testing me to see if I become jealous with her again over him. Why would she do that if she had already broken up with me. I do admit that I miss her and would like to be back with her but not after the way she treated me. Anyways, I would appreciate it if I could have some feedback as soon as possible.

 

Hey bro,

 

I saw your first thread and my original advice still stands firm.

 

We have determined she needs to do some emotional maturing. She is 22 and is in her last year at UCLA. She wants freedom now more than ever, no responsibilities, as she will face a big change in her life. She "flipped out" because she reached her breaking point with frustration of being with you when she didn't really want to. She is talking about other guys and her experiences with them to push you away and keep you away emotionally. Been there and done that.

 

You are "broken up" but not fully "broken" because you are still talking before your emotions and memories have faded. I also strongly suspect her feelings were turned off for you a while ago and as such she can freely talk about these experiences. You guys are "friends" so she feels she can do this with her friend, but she doesn't have the wisdom or experience to know just because her emotions are distant, your's are not and that you guys are not really friends.

 

Your heart is in this way more than her's. Your deeper feelings are clouding your vision, judgment, and generating romantic illusions. Because of this, you can't see the road in front of you. She doesn't have such obstruction because her feelings are gone, so she is driving, turning up the radio, talking on the cell phone, speeding, changing lanes, etc. while you sit in the passenger seat unable to see this clearly through your feelings or open the door and get out of the car. In other words, you being taken for a ride, by her and by your heart.

 

Her heart is gone, yours is not, and because of this, this communication hurts you. That's not true friendship, that's you holding onto a guise of "friendship" to remain in touch hoping her romantic feelings will resurface. If your feelings were in the same place as hers, these renditions of her nights out would not bother you. Wouldn't you think two people who are truly "just friends" be able to laugh and talk about such things freely?

 

So if you don't want her back even after she treated you like this, why does this bother you so much? And the bigger question is why are you remaining in contact with her if her treatment of you hurts you? It sure sounds to me like you are holding onto illusions here my friend, clinging to baseless notions of change, fabricating crazy thoughts of her "testing" you, and being an emotional martyr for nothing. Been there and done that too.

[L.J.]

It could be she's testing to see if you are jealous or it could be a way she's telling you that she moved on. Unfortunately, vulnerability is a downside of keeping in touch after breaking up. If you're absolutely sure, you don't want her back anymore because of the way she treated you, then totally cutting contact might be the best option for you.

[L.J.]

As always, Friscodj .. sound advise. Your knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.

[af77]

Removed!!!!!!!!