exactly 11 months.

[deejay74]

hi everyone.

 

it's been a while since i've posted on here. i just felt like posting because i realized that today is exactly 11 months since my ex dumped me.

 

i honestly cannot believe it's been almost a year.

 

i've come so far and have grown so much in these past months. not only that, i have learned so much about relationships and myself. i owe a great deal to this site for my progress and for advice that i have taken, and not taken.

 

i am doing the best i have been since 12/30/05 and i am getting better. this thanksgiving was great! i went back home and barely thought of my ex while there. she did pop into my head because she came down to meet my family last year for thanksgiving, so there were a few triggers, but nothing at all to make me feel sad or anything like that.

 

overall, i feel great. she's finally out of my system. and yes, i still think about her and i doubt i won't for a while. but it's ok, everything's ok, i am ok.

 

i wish i could help all those that are hurting right now. i now how you all feel. the holidays are coming up and i hope those who are suffering will be strong enough to make it through this season.

 

the only thing i can tell those who are hurting is this:

- the pain will pass. i promise. it won't happen overnight, it may not happen in a few months. you may be hurting longer than your relationship lasted (like me!). but have faith, be patient, and most of all, be good to yourself. you have to believe things will get better, otherwise you'll be treading in a sea of sorrow indefinitely.

 

- don't worry about how long it takes to heal. yeah, there is an "average" but don't let that get to you. take as long as you need but try to make progress.

 

- most importantly, learn from your relationship that either you ended, or your S.O. ended. if you didn't make any mistakes, then learn from your ex. realize that no relationship is perfect - neither are you or your ex. i cannot tell you how much i have learned from my ex - things that i will not accept in my next relationship.

 

anyway, if you want some good, entertaining reading, look up my posts from the beginning of this year. i was looking through them last night and i actually laughed at myself because i realized how hurt i was and how much stronger i am now. there is even a grande finale that happened at the end of last month between my ex and me that's also entertaining. but most of all, that last episode is what pushed me over that last hump. i honestly hope i never run into my ex again.

 

i am sure i'll post here once again in a month when my 1 year anniversary comes up.

 

hang in there...

[Sally00]

Well I'm glad to hear you're doing fine!!

That's the spirit.

 

God has a plan for all of us. He will bring us the right one in His time.

 

Just knowing God is there makes me feel better too.

[kellbell]

Glad to see you are doing good and in a better place now dejay! Well done. Hope the holidays are better for you this year.

[poetsheart]

So happy to hear you like this, it's wonderful.... well done

[healinginnyc81]

hey man, i'm glad you're doing well! You sound like you've made the most of a bad experience and you've learned a lot from it. I hope things keep getting better for you.

[deejay74]

thanks everyone. i appreciate the words of encouragement. it does feel better, and once again, for those of you still in pain - it will get better!

 

kellbell and bkjsun, i mean healinginnyc - long time no speak to the both of you. thanks for your help and support in the past. i hope you both are doing well.

[smiles21]

Good post I too am still hurting, been 1 month NC since our final talk that I initiated saying I know what I wanted she wasn't "in love" anymore. Dated for about 4 years, thing that hurts is she stole a bunch of my friends, basically she hangs out with the group and I dont..

[kekep]

deejay, you're an inspiration!!!

[Orlander]

Awesome news DeeJay. I think you and I and many, many others who post here are proof that things WILL get better. We all move on and we all will find new love. I will even go so far as to state that those who appear to not move on and find love again have deeper issues, probably unrelated to the relationships they had and lost.

 

Congrats again, DeeJay.

 

 

Orlander

[deejay74]

I will even go so far as to state that those who appear to not move on and find love again have deeper issues, probably unrelated to the relationships they had and lost.

Orlander

 

actually, i bet you hit the nail on the head. i say this because i have uncovered (with the help of my therapist) many issues unrelated to my relationship that really hindered my progress.

 

it was the painful experience of losing someone i loved to bring all those "issues" to the surface. and for that reason alone, i thank my ex for breaking up with me. now that i know what issues i need to work on and fix, i will hopefully be a much better BF (not that i was all that bad to begin with, ).

 

so another piece of advice to those who just can't seem to move on and it's been some time since the break up, don't be embarrassed to seek professional help. i highly recommend it.

 

take care.