Loosing the Love of my life :(

[HomerSimpson]

Loosing the love of my life and she's slowly slipping away

 

Hi everyone....we've fallen in love one another. The situation is her father.

 

Well i kind i used to see this girl a while back and we had to split bcos of her dad. He doesn't believe in girlfriend...boyfriend thing only arrange marriage blah blah blah. That was 2 years ago...we were going out for a year and half (kept it secret for both our parents) and to call it a day due to her dad catching on and she was scared. So we broke it off

 

6 months ago we coincidentally met and started seeing one another again. As if we never departed and we grew stronger with one another. So i decided to propose to her and she said yes. I asked her hand in marriage with her dad (cultural and traditional thing) and he said NO.

 

I'm successful got my own place...good job can support one another. But still the answer was no. Its like hitting my head against a brick wall ](*,) . His reason is that am not too religious and am a modern muslim...he likes someone whose not moved on from the ancient times and is basically a priest....oh and he doesn't like it that i live on my own. He thinks am upto no good.

 

Don't get me wrong am no saint! Am laid back and i have mixture of friends of all ethinicity. I still value my religion i don't do drugs...i don't drink alcohol basically the basic fundamentals but with modern twist. I socialise with anyone regardless of there race. Mingle at all parties including xmas...really love it. I can make friends so easily...i can chat to any1 etc etc.....But no...he doesn't like that!

 

Anyway she told her dad about us and thats a really big step on 3 occasions. But on all 3 occasions he said no and promised her to not b in touch with me again. He gave her really guilt trip and made her feel so bad.

 

I told her that i would marry her without her parents blessing regardless of what they say. But she's really afraid and doesn't want to do that.

 

I still love her and she broke up with me recently only due to her dad. Her moms as worse as her dad. She still says she loves me but can't go against her parents wishes. She feels like she owes them sense of loyalty...even if she lives miserable for the rest of her life.

 

Her dad is getting her arrange marriage and she's looked at the guy and has decided to say ok to it. That really hurts bcos she will make a really big mistake and she doesn't realise it. She's spoken to him and said to me she can settle with that.

 

I told her her that..... YOU SUPPOSE TO MARRY SOMEONE U CAN'T LIVE WITH OUT....ANYONE CAN MARRY SOMEONE THEY CAN LIVE WITH!!! (I hope not offended any1 with that comment...so i do apologise)

 

Thing is she's living 2 separate lifes...one with me who she is exactly person she is and no hiding stuff from family, very open. Then she lives another life of what her parents think how she should b living it. I feel that she just wants to get out of her parents place and has said yes to the person her DADDY has found arrrrrrrrgh! But she doesn't realise that if she goes to this other persons house as a wife what makes her think it would b any better. I've tried explaining that to her but she doesn't listen.

 

I'm not prepared to give up on her...she told me to move on and the pain will go eventually with time. I've said this time....i'm going to stick till the end until u get married. Whether u like it or not....even i see my darling getting married to someone else i could move on....knowing that i didn't give up.

 

I really need some help here from u lot....some advice how to tackle this one ???

[reality_writer]

wow!!!

I must say that really sucks for you!

 

BUT, doesn't true love always work itself out in one way or another?

sometimes it doesnt end happily, but it still gets resolved and 2 people can move on.

 

you're right in wanting to stick around

if its something you have to do, even if its to see her get married so you can finally move on, than you gotta do it!

 

but if you love her, you can't just let her go, and hope that she'll come back to you, b/c it sounds like her father will get in the way.

 

Good luck!

[BellaDonna]

I'm sorry to hear about this. It must be very frustrating. Unfortunately her parents have her brainwashed.

 

There are a lot of issues at play here, but bottom line: She really can marry you if she is willing to stick up for herself. She's a grown woman. She's choosing NOT to do that, so indeed it is a CHOICE on her part- her parents have an influence, but they are not forcing her- they are pressuring her and she's giving in. You said you have your own place, so she could easily get out of there and be with you and stand up to her parents. Instead she's going along with their plan.

 

You have to ask yourself is you truly want to spend the rest of your life with a person who does not stand up for what she believes, and who caves easily to pressure.

 

If she does not change her mind, then the best you can do is try to move on and find a woman who is more independent in her thinking like yourself.

 

One thing I would suggest, if she is not going to marry you- don't let her call you crying all the time about it. Don't be the shoulder she leans on during her engagment to the other guy. It will only cause you to get hurt worse. Let her know that this is the DECISION she made, and that unless she's going to marry you, you don't want any further contact. She needs to know what life is like wihtout you and face the reailty of her decision to placate her parents.

 

I realize that there are many cultural issues at play here, but you're living proof that SHE can also still think for herself if she wants to. You're muslim and you think for yourself.

 

BellaDonna

[HomerSimpson]

thanks for replying....its difficult when u been raised in the uk but been brought with culture and religion. She thinks she can't go against her parents.

 

She thinks if it doesn't workout...she'll be on her own and no one to support her. Cos her family won't take her back in. I told her thats more enough reason that i will work or will make it work!!!

 

Trust me my family are not going to be happy if i did go ahead with it...i get ultimatums and all the other mumbo jumbo and guilt trips. But when it comes to marriage i personally believe that u have the destiny to make that your own decision and no else should interfere.

 

This is the decision they would have to accept and if they didn't then not really my problem. It doesn't mean that i don't care but its something i as person have to do!

 

As for my ex she's weak in the sense that she's always lived with her parents they've supported her and least she could do is trust them. But i respect that she has a big loyalty to her parents but this could really mess her up if they find the wrong bloke. She doesn't even love the guy...i know arrange marriages are quite successful days. But me being asian (british muslim) there's lot that are going through divorces.Its a trend i've been seeing and times are changing.

 

Only if my ex stopped listening to her parents and was selfish for once to accept that her parents are wrong. And fight for what she believes in....but she say's she tired of fighting, having constant arguments and can't take this anymore.

 

I've given her some space.... i don't want to suffocate her and go against her parents...its decision she has to make herself. The reason has to b her own and believe in1!