Preparing to LiveWith My Wife

[Jabbe]

I've been married 13 days now and am about to move accross the country to be with my wife. She's in the military.

 

She's been very upset lately just because I can't leave at the drop of a hat. I have so much to take care of before I leave, but she sees it as me stalling or not really wanting to come in the first place. There was nothing in the world I could've said besides listing what I NEED to get done. I'll be moving out for the 1st time also.

 

I couldn't understand WHY she wasn't able to comprehend that. I love her to death and am basically leaving behind everything I've always known to be with her. When she says "Jump," I'll never ask "How high?"

 

I feel like she's being very inconsiderate. There's absolutely NOTHING else I can do. I'm still working and the worst thing I can do at the moment is quit my job, pack, and sit around for days waiting for the phone to ring when I could be earning money. I still have my own finances. Plus, we won't even have any furniture. We don't even have a place to live yet!

 

I wish she would be more understanding and patient at the moment. I'll definitely be there, but not exactly when she wants me to. I'm a human being not a dog...

 

Any thoughts?

[heloladies21]

Your chick tests you constantly and will continue to do so until you start passing them. This is a test to see if you'll stick up for yourself (confidence) and the only way to pass is with force. Call her out on her BS, say something like (in a stern voice) "Stop pressuring me to come out there. I have things to take care of here and when I'm done I will come." If she plays the "you don't care about me" card, say "i do care about you, it has nothing to do with that. I'm taking care of things so our situation doesn't fall apart." If she comes back to you with anything along the lines of "no you don't care." then this also has to be squashed with force because she is attacking your integrity as a man and basically calling you a liar. Say "I can't believe that you would accuse me of something like that. If that's the way you truly feel then we made a mistake and are wasting our time here. I am not interested in being with someone who doesn't believe that I am 100% committed to them and is 100% committed to me." Either she will fold or the conversation is over and she will need some time to think it over.

 

But you can't continue to run things the way you are my man. That's a one way track to a break up. Realize what she's really telling you and it will make your natural reaction the correct one.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Jabbe -

 

I guess I would definetly say stand your ground but maybe a bit more patient, softer approach will help ease her anxiety.

 

If she says things like, Why are you taking so long!?" Maybe you could reply with, "Oh I know! I'm getting soooo excited too." Or if she says, "you're just stalling. Maybe you don't really want to be here!" You could say, "I miss you a lot too and I'm doing everything I can to get there quickly." I think she may just feel sad and lonely and need some reassurance.

 

I tihnk you're both feeling it and need to take a deep breath and remember your patience.....

 

best of luck, really....

[Jabbe]

I appreciate your replies!

 

I'm thinking that she also doesn't want to be there alone. She hates it so far. As for me being there, as soon as she gets a place to live, that's the earliest I can actually start packing.

 

I have the patience to deal with this, but I just wish that she would look at the bigger picture. We're gonna be together soon!

 

Thanks for the wishes!

[AwdreeHpburn]

You may have to be her pillar of patience I'm afraid.

 

She must feel like SHE'S the one who's displaced so is allowed more discomfort. Not saying she's right or wrong, just that she may be taking that view.

 

If she is, all you CAN do, because all she'll hear, is your reassurance that you're coming and that your sad that you're apart....

[hardcharger]

you're married now, now you find out, women are put on earth to torture you, hopefully, once in a while you will get thrown a few crumbs. seems she is starting quite early, trouble ahead.