We got into it....I don't know how I feel anymore.

[Japanfreak05]

So last night we got into it....well....we talked about it. It's so hard to get though to him cuz he always things he's right. So when I have to say my piece he doesn't listen.

 

So the whole text to the girl. They are supposably "good friends" from a long time ago, she moved up to maryland so I was Ok with that I guess. I just wasn't ok with him telling her "i love you", no matter how close they are! So I told him I listened to the voice messages and everything seemed pretty cool. But then, he brings it up again, and he's mad that I went though his stuff. I tried to tell him that's the only time I went though his voice messages in a long time. I only go in his stuff, when he wants me to look at something. So he brings up the time I went though the text he sent to her (the "i love you" text. WHICH was in his 'deleted mail folder'). We had traded phones for a day, and I found that. It was like he was trying to hide it from me. He told me "i pay the cell phone bill" so i'm like "that doesn't mean you can send texts to girls saying 'i love you'"

 

So I'm trying to expalin to him that I don't sit around and go though his stuff he calls it "defending myself". So he comes up with this story about, how he thinks I have guys over my house when I'm at home. I told a few of my friends about our fight and every time i say that part they say, "YOU???". First off I live with my parents, 2nd that's just something i woudln't do. It's like he doesn't even know me anymore. It's like, he just made that story up to make me feel bad or something.

 

It's not fair, I had to drop all my guy friends because that made him uncomfortable, but he's gonna say "i have other guys over my house when i'm at home". He pretty much dropped the girl that he sent the text to. but she's in town now, and he hasn't called me all day. So for all I know, he's with her right now. I told him "i don't have guys over my house" and all he can say is " I don't know that". It's so FUSTRATING!!!!

 

What makes things more complex is he gave me a 800.00 promise ring back in may. this like dimond ring with white gold band. So i'm like, "why would you give me this ring if you think i'm having other guys over". Most the time he didn't even say anything, he's just like "i'm tired of repeating myself" So I'm just trying to work things out, but he's being so stubborn, like what he says goes because he pays my cell phone bill. Every time I try to give him money he doesn't take it! then last night he's all like "i have to pay for everything". WTC.........*so fustrated* I guess i'm venting......tell me what you think.

[nadine_3110]

It's totally not fair of him to reject the money you try to give him and then use this against you. Why is he paying your cell phone bill in the first place? Do you have a Buddy Plan, where it all goes on one bill? If so then get your own plan and pay for your bill yourself! This guy seems to be using everything you've ever done to his advantage. Don't sink to his level though, don't use that same tactic, stay calm, get him to listen and tell him how you're feeling. And try not to be so jealous of this girl, she's out of his life, sure he told her he loved her, but she's gone now and you're still with him. And as for the part about guys coming over to your house, that's just immature of him.

Good luck!

[Japanfreak05]

Thanks a lot!!! that makes me feel better. ugh boys are so complicated some times lol.

[Alezia]

No offense, but this really doesn't seem like a healthy relationship... How old is he? Are you happy with him overall? He seems very controlling and insecure But I know you seem a bit paranoid on your side aswell, and your willingness to drop your guy friends isn't all that good either... One side makes the other worst in a way Well, atleast don't move out with him until you have this stuff dealt with!

[Japanfreak05]

he's 22 and I'm 19. I'm happy with him overall but when we get into these arguments, old stuff gets brought up (like from last year) and nothing ever really gets solved. LIke I think he made up the whole "you have guys over your house when your at home" thing to upset me cuz I was mad at him.

[Fallout]

He does seem too stubborn and controlling...though I don't see anything wrong with the "I love you text" if it's meant to just be platonic but he should be open about it.

 

I have to say this however...I think it was very wrong and mean of you to dump your guy friends for him....good friends can last a lifetime and shouldn't be dropped no matter what their gender is...

[Japanfreak05]

I talked to him about saying "it's possible you could have guys over your house when your at home alone" thing. And he was like, "i said it cause I was mad". In the end he says things out of anger all the time, and it really pushes me away. I just wish we could go back to the way things used to be.

 

The day he brought me flowers cuz I was having a bad day. the days where he'd call me all the time and he wasn't too busy to answer my phone calls. the days when we didn't argue every other week.

 

I don't want to end things with him cuz I feel we can work it out if we really try. 2 years is my longest relationship and maybe I don't know how to handle being with someone this long. his longest realationship was 2 1/2 years, but they went on breaks alot, she cheated on him twice, and while in the relationship he was looking for other girls (guy thing i guess). I really don't want to go on a break either because I don't want him to find anyone else. but sometimes I feel like we need a break.....although I try to erase that thought from my mind

[Fallout]

I think don't stay in it if you're unhappy...whatever you do, don't sweept it under the rug...try to solve the problems with him or leave..

[Agathon]

It's my inexperienced opinion, that most guys (in your age area), who are older then you, are bad news. Countless of my friends and enemies have fallen to the older man, but not exactly the more mature man.

 

All relationships are tough, I've only had one, so I don't know how bad it can get, but trust me, if your not happy, then think LONG and HARD, then make a choice. Stick it, quit it, or set a date. If things arn't better... quit it.

 

Sorry that sounds so bland, but that's all I have.

 

Ah, and the fact he was searching for other girls while in a relationship is a bad sign. I dont care if he was in a bad one. Move on first. Easier said then done, I know, but there it is.