I dont want her to think im a stalker

[Jian]

ok a short story.

 

My GF left me 2 months ago (4y relationship), I felt very depress at the time but since a month I went back to the gym with my friends. Since then I have read a lot about relationship, dating and related stuff. It really helped me to understand my break up, my problems and gave me more self confidence...im a shy person when im in company of a lady I like (im 30).

 

I think im over my ex now and started to look for dates since 2 weeks, registered to online dating and stuff (I hate bars). However, last weekend I was introduced by my friend to a nice lady when we went at a video game show. She was a booth babe, very nice girl. The coincidence, hey I don't believe in destiny and stuff like that but, shes a trainer at the gym I go! Lucky me I initiated a short conversation with her, went pretty well, but I ended the chat without getting her email or phone number...stupid of me.

 

I never noticed her at the gym cause shes there during the day and I train during the evening. Early this week, I passed by, cause its next to my work place, I wanted to see her and ask for her phone, I don't even know if she has a boy friend yet. I missed her of a few min, however, the lady told me she will pass the message that I was there to say hi. I then left, didn't feel like leaving a message.

 

Again, I went this morning and she was not there again, the same lady told me that she should be there next Monday during lunch time.

 

Do you think I should go again, or wait a few days or even a week, or Im going to looks like a stalker, I also asked when she usually finish, but the lady told me that it depend of her customer schedule so its never the same.

 

My goal is to have a short conversation and get her email and phone number. I'm really anxious to see her again, but I know I have to keep my cool and not looks needy and not expect anything good, but well its a nice crush after all. But at the same time, she knows I'm pursuing her if the lady followed the message.

[keefy1972]

Why don't you go work out in the daytime once or twice. That way you have a real reason to be there.

[Jian]

good idea, ill do that next monday.

 

What is freaking me is that I put a lot of courage just to go see her twice and she was not there or unavailable. Ho well, I guess I have to wait until next monday then, too bad I wish I could have that that question off my head before the weekend.

[keefy1972]

take the weekend to figure out how you're going to approach her and what you're going to say. it may sound silly but practice it in the mirror.

[bighair]

Hi, you broke up with your gf two months ago? you had a 4 yr relationship? Are you sure you're ready to date? It hasn't been that long and that was a long relationship you guys had. Just keep that in mind as you're pursuing the trainer. get to know her, give it time, and make sure you're not rebounding.

[Markers]

take the weekend to figure out how you're going to approach her and what you're going to say. it may sound silly but practice it in the mirror.

 

don't practice in front of mirror. It will only make you nervous because then you have something practiced... and if say, you get into a situation where you can't use the lines you practiced, you will freeze totally. Best is to go with the flow and try to relax. Talk to her like you'd talk to your friends. Even if the flow makes you say something stupid, it's a lot better than saying nothing. Trust me on this, practiced stuff rarely works.

 

 

It's ok to have some idea of what you are gonna talk in general.. like you could decide if you're gonna start with a question or just hi or something.

[Jian]

Hi thanks for the advice. Well, yes I'm over my breakup, im really positive about it. I have been in no contact for 1 1/2 months and I have absolutely no intention to go back to her. The first 2 weeks were the worst, but now i feel really good about myself and really positive.

 

I know shes just a crush, I'm really aware of this, it simply a physical attraction at the moment. but I want to know more about her to see if shes relationship material.

 

I will try to have a few questions to initiate the conversation and ask for her email in the process and her phone number. I just didn't want to scare her if she know that someone comes to her work just to say hi...twice in the same week.

 

Thanks a lot again for the tips!!!