Any tips for getting my confidence back?

[PAL06]

I have just broken up with my ex for the second time. We got back together after almost a year, having had contact on and off during that period.

 

We started seeing each other again more as friends, going walking, cycling etc. eventually it became evident that I still wanted more from her, so we decided it was for the best to not see each other again. We text each other a lot that night as it was obvious we were both hurting badly.

 

The next morning she text to say she needed to see me. She came around that evening and said that she'd been in the shower and the thought of not seeing me had sent her into shock. We decided to give it another go..... she has now dumped me again after just one month... although we never argued or there was nothing like jealousy or lack of trust.... it appears the reason for the second break up were the same... there was just something missing for her.... she just thought that we were at different places in our lives... I'm 37 and ready to settle down with the right girl.... she is 30 and very very independent with a very busy social life....she claims that it was the lack of confidence I showed that she did not find attractive... although my belief is that there must have been some physical attraction otherwise the physical and intimate nature of the relationship wouldn't have been how it was.....

 

Stupidly we have chatted twice on MSN this week and have been very comfortable doing so.... but the imbalance as to our views of what a relationship should feel like.... we both admit the intimacy and sexual relationship were great and had similar interests and loved doing them together... but she didn't have the spark... have led to this split again..... My opinion is though that any sign of things getting serious she starts having doubts and runs (at 30 she has not had a relationship of more than 3 months)... or maybe even at 30 she does believe Mr Perfect exists.....

 

I know at 37 I should be more confident with girls (its not something I generally have a problem with in other parts of my life) but I was badly hurt in the past when I found a longterm girlfriend in bed with someone else.....

 

She has dented this further. Any tips to help me overcome this?

[scsavino]

Do some things for yourself. Read up on it. Im not an expert by any means as far as self confidence but I know doing small things for yourself helps it along. Think of all the things that are great about you.

Good luck .... and I'm sorry this didnt work out.

[lovereality]

I certainly feel you here on this. I took that opurtunity to devote my time in education and my family. It has certainly boosted my self-confidence in just doing something for myself. I was always the giver in my relationship and never wanting anything in return. But I ran dry! When something is not returned, your tank gets empty. I needed to refill it....quickly! So I chose things that could help me become a better person. I'm a Christian so I first chose to read books by Max Lucado (which got me hooked). Then I decided that I needed something more in my life...that was going back to school. My focus now is doing the best I can for ME! I give to myself right now! I still want to be a giver but just need someone to return the love to keep my tank full.