I have some problems to find the penpals on the internet.

[Shih-Hein]

Hi,I am from asia.

Our English teacher asked us to find some penpals from the internet to improve our English skill,so I started to send the invitation to some people I found from a penpal website.At first It is just for the homework,now I take it as an interesting thing. But I found that most people on the website are seeking penpals for love. So almost there are no males give me response. All I got are femal.but Every time I talked to her I already have a gf and not plan to have a new gf, they stoped writing me back. thereforeee, I modified the content of my invitation and comment I had have a gf and try to find a pure friendship.I think that will save their time and is easier to find the one I want.

then, I got a girl's response from Hawaii. So I started to develop a new friendship ,introduce myself and ask some question about her. She said she just broke up with a man who was married before dating her since she was 14.I felt sorry for her and tried to cheer her up. horribly, I got the second letter from her. She started to talking about the sex they ever had in detail and they are still meeting each other now and then and keep it secret from his wife. This is shocking for me and make me unable to think up how should I reply for this.

 

following is my qustion:

1. are most people who try to make friends on the internet seeking love? Is it impossible to make friends on the internet? or I am totally wrong in the concept of cyber relationship?

2. am I too conservative for this? is it normal to talk about sex life in such detailed way?(the postures,skills etc..)

3. how should I reply to her? ignore the sexual part or share my sexual experience as well?

 

She is the only one who is willing to be my penpal after knowing I have gf,maybe I should bear with the way she share herself's life.

 

the website I using to find the penpals

link removed

[lost1607307474]

1. There are an increasing number of people on the internet seeking love. However, there are people who are also looking for friends. Try a few different sites, and make sure they are not dating sites.

 

2. In my personal opinion, I don't have a problem talking about sex. I rather enjoy talking about sex in detail with my friends. But if YOU personally are finding this uncomfortable, tell her that you're uncomfortable with her topics of conversation.

 

3. Reply to her with what you feel you should do. If you feel uncomfortable talking about your sexual experience, then don't.

[Ash]

1. There are also a great many people on internet who are not looking for love or sex. One place a lot of poeple post are on bulletin boards dealing with a subject they have some interest in. For example, I'm on a couple of automotive and auto racing bulletin boards. Think of an interest you have and do a search and you'll likely find a bulletin board you can register on. Although you may not have a specific pen pal that way you will become part of a group of people with a common interest who write back and forth.

 

2. Some people enjoy and are comfortable discussing sexual issues with people who they are not sexually interested in. They just have an open discussion. Sometimes it depends on the person you are discussing things with. There are some people I will discuss sex with, others who I will not. It's totally up to you whether it's something you want to talk about.

 

3. Again, it's completely your call. You can write back and discuss sex, you can write back and ignore it. It may be slightly rude to simple not write back at all, but if it's something you don't see yourself wanting to continue maybe one last note to let her know that you won't be writing any more. If you're concerned that she needs somebody to talk to about how she feels then you could suggest she try this site!

 

Good luck!

[Grokker]

Shih-Hein, Ni Hao Ma!

 

Since you asked in your signature that readers help you with corrections to your English, I have done so. I understand your situation, being a non-native speaker of English myself. You're doing pretty well already... here are just a few changes that I would recommend.

 

 

 

You're very clearly understandable, it's just some of the usage that you should work on getting right. That will only come with a lot of practice, as it did for me. Keep going to English language news sites like link removed and link removed , and notice the way journalists put their sentences together. Keep coming to discussion forums like this, and most of all, keep posting your own thoughts in English. As you do more of it, you will surely get better.

 

I think the expectations of people on a pen-pals site might make it difficult for you to focus on improving your English by distracting you with other types of stuff.

 

Feel free to PM me now and then if you're up for platonic conversation! Good luck.

[Shih-Hein]

thank your suggestion and advices.

After my last post, I sended some mails to her and she did as well.

I am sure of that is called "cyber sex" after she said she want to do something through my trouser zip and other actions after that.

Wow, I only heard about it on the internet and I never expected that would happen on me.

When I told to my teacher about this ,she worries this will make bad effect on me and suggests me stoping this relationship if my e-pal doesn't stop it after I express my feeling.

Because some Taiwanese also does that and after reading your experience I think I seem too conservative with sex , I decide to keep her as e-pal and enlarge my concept of sex.

whatever, It seems a rare chance to understand what cyber sex is and I have learnt many words about sex.

 

Is it a bad decision?

 

thx Grokker again.

I really appreciate it.

[Aurian]

I would second the idea that you find a message board for something you are interested in. I visit 2 message boards for video games, and 2 more for ice hockey. If you find a good board that is small, you can get to know the people quite well and maybe make some friends there.

 

As for the pen pal, is she making you feel uncomfortable? There is no reason to keep trying with her if she does not respect your wishes. However, if you're curious about "cyber sex" I guess there is no harm in continuing! It does sound like cyber sex she is offering you, yes.

[Aurian]

FYI:

 

 

 

Your English is pretty good! Just a few items I cleaned up there, and they tend to be verbs that have different rules than usual.

[Fallout]

Look Shih-Hein I think she's fake, that story seems to be a bit too far fetched for my liking...you know there are alot of people that make up stories online, create completely different identities...some for fun, some are sick or something.

 

From what you described that 'girl' it seems to me more like a teenage boy pretending to be a girl to get kicks out of it...be careful and check things out first.

 

Now to answer your questions..so you're prepared if/when meeting others :

 

1. It's hard to say if 'most' are, some are seeking love others friendships...and perhaps most are seeking both!

 

2. It is rather normal, I don't find anything wrong with it... (but abnormal in your case, it was only her 2nd e-mail to you!! that's why I think she's fake!) I mean I talk about sexual stuff with online friends which are mostly girls...

 

3. I think you should take a seat back and move to the next...I'm 99% this one is fake like I said.

 

Oh and cybersex...well that can mean lots of stuff from erotic writing good or bad to both or one masturbating on webcam...BUT if you want to try it check with your girlfriend first!! I mean having girl friends that you're open with and talk about sex is one thing...but doing sexual things with them can be a form of cheating...even if it is all online...

[Shih-Hein]

I would second the idea that you find a message board for something you are interested in. I visit 2 message boards for video games, and 2 more for ice hockey. If you find a good board that is small, you can get to know the people quite well and maybe make some friends there.

 

thank you. I do really think it is a good idea,too.

but I don't know how to find the boards I want.

Are there any websites that introduce the good boards?

[Shih-Hein]

I thought It was not on the net and not real,

so I didn't consider what would my gf think it.

but you are right,that was really a cheat.

 

I had also told my e-pal about what I felt ,and I seemed not her style of e-pal. then , she had never replied me again.

 

My friends also told me that "she" might be cheating on me , but I always prefer trusting people to doubting them. so before I get the evidence, I still take her as a girl.

 

whatever, this relationship seemed to have been finished after my last mail.

[Aurian]

thank you. I do really think it is a good idea,too.

but I don't know how to find the boards I want.

Are there any websites that introduce the good boards?

 

I think you just have to look around for them. What are you interested in? Try using a search program and look up your interest and also type in "message board" or "bulletin board"

 

You were able to find this board, no?