I need some help~

[LLPotter]

My bf is here for a business trip.

 

He was supposed to fly here on Sunday (that's what he told me) and arrive on Monday. However, somehow I have this 6th sense that he is flying here on Saturday. Well, since he has already told me about the flight on Sunday, I didn't ask much. I was thinking to give him a call when is was in the airport - before he fly off. We chatted on Saturday as well.

 

Sunday comes. I called and text him several times but to no avail. Finally, he sent me a text saying just asking what I have been doing duing the weekend and he was chilling watching TV. I text him back asking if he was ready for his trip later. But no reply. I called him in the middle of the night (which should be his time of being in the airport). He picked up the call. The background was so quiet and immediately I know that my 6th sense is correct. He said, he was in bed... i.e. he is already here.

 

I freak out because he lied to me. He said he changed his flight schedule so last minute and he got to rush and no time to tell anyone about that. he said no one knows his early arrival as he didn't want to create a fuss that people might want to meet him late at night as he is tired. I was mad because he didn't even initiate to tell me he IS ALREADY here in his text message to me. We had a fight on the phone. Soon after we put down the phone. He text me to apologise. However, I was still mad and I text him back saying that I don't feel being respected as his girl.

 

However, I miss him so much so I text him the next day. But he didn't reply. I tried to call him but he didn't pick up the phone. I start to get worried so I called the hotel. I don't know his room number so I just provided the hotel with his name. To my horror, the hotel people say there is no such guest. I was mad.. again.

 

I sent a text and left voice message to him asking where does he stay. But he didn't return my call till the next morning. I asked him why he lied to me. Instead he said I have been weird and freaky. He refused to tell me where he stay.

 

I was so upset. I was so disappointed. I like him so much and I have been longing to see him here. But he didn't even want to let me know his arrival. I was mad. Really. That evening, I called him and he said indeed he is staying in that hotel but was booked under another person's name. But he didn't let me know his room number.

 

Finally I got to see him on Thursday night. It was, with the whole group of people. I told him I would send him back after the dinner. But instead, he went off with other people. I was so upset and I went up to him and asked him to follow my car. Finally we had a chance to talk.

 

We stopped at a carpark (not where he stay) and talked. He assured me that he likes me and he miss me. But he need space to get used to the new environment (as he will be here for 4 weeks) and he has been tired after work. He kissed me and said he will definitely have a good time with me after he has settled down. Can I trust him on that? After the long talk, that was past midnight and he looked so tired and kept yawning. I said I will send him back to his "hotel" but he said he want to drop somewhere else to have a drink before going back. In conclusion, I still have no clue on where he is staying.

 

I am not sure about guys. But if I miss that person, I would definitely want to see him... no matter how tired I am. If he really miss me... shouldn't him be longing to see me?

 

I have read other threads. Perhaps I should back off a bit and let him realise that I am not a stalker as he thought? But I find it difficult as I really miss him a lot... and he is only here for 4 weeks - with 1 week has already gone.

[blush]

Dear LLPotter,

 

Its Blush, just letting you know that I sent you a message, and hope it helps some??

 

Let me know what you think plz

 

Blush

[terk2021]

Very strange. You have every right to have questions. It could be very innocent, but then again... I would leave him alone and wait for him to contact you. If I were in your position, that would bother me too...

 

People can make time for the people they want to be with. No one is that important to be too busy...

[blush]

LLPotter,

 

terk2021 is so right, if that person says they "Love you" then what is with all the excuses, its not about not knowing how to get to see you, cause you live there, if he told you were he was staying you'd know where that was i'm sure and why would the room be under someone elses name other then his? "That sounds alittle off to me"

 

Your a fighter, what does your heart tell you to do, you stand for who you are and no matter what, you have a family that loves you and will always resepct you for what you choice without judging you!

 

"We all have love hidden deep inside us. It just takes that special person to look hard enough to find it."

 

Blush

[annie24]

yeah, at this point, I would let him do the calling, initiating and date planning. I think that how much (or little!) you hear from him should tell you a lot about his interest level (which doesn't sound very high to me )

[blush]

Do you think he is looking hard enough?

 

Blush

[annie24]

I wonder if you may be more invested in this relationship than he is. ie, you are calling him, wanting to see him, and he hasn't even spent the night with you or invited you to his hotel room. if he is really your boyfriend, don't you think that he would want to spend a few nights a week with you, especially if this relationship is long distance? he sounds like he is acting very secretive and distant towards you.

 

is he really your boyfriend? he isn't acting like one. how long have you been dating?

[blush]

I can understand being in a different place that isn't like being at home,and being alittle uncomfortable but wouldn't you say having you around that knows it well be more reasuring to him, also getting to spend some time together, something you haven't done in a few months make it alittle easyer to be away from home / his enviorment?

[SarahRose]

It is too strange. He lies about when he is arriving. He won't tell you where he is staying.

 

If you look at it, you are doing all the chasing and he not paying attention to you at all.

 

I would let him chase you. Stop calling him and asking about his where abouts. Let him make the moves and if he doesn't well you know where you stand.

[LLPotter]

Thank you for all your replies.

 

Yes, I find it strange too and I also find that he is keeping a distance from me. And you are right, looks like I am investing much more than him in this relationship. And it puzzles me when he lied to me about his arrival and hide from me where he stays.

 

For the past few days whenever I am alone, I cried.

 

Perhaps you are right, I should stop initiating things and let him make the move - although it is very difficult.

[blush]

If he really loves you, let him be the one to call you this time!

[LLPotter]

Hi annie24

 

We have been together for almost a year and I visited him in his country in August and everything went so well.... I don't know why suddenly there is such a dramatic change. I told him about my concerns on Thursday night. He said nothing has been changed and he still treats me as his girl. I asked if he is seeing someone else and he said no. Well, somehow I have already done my job of initiating the questions and letting him know about my concern. I don't know what more I can do.

[4ever]

it could be that you chase him too much and that sometimes men need space when they are overhelmed with stress and they just want time alone.

but this sounds weird. im in an ldr too and i know that when we meet we just want to be left alone together immediatelly. and also id always meet him at the airport, and we both want that and cant go without it.

maybe your relationships level is just different.

but its weird that he still hasnt contacted you. how often do you see each other? (i dont mean this month, i mean in an ldr)

[annie24]

Thank you for all your replies.

 

Yes, I find it strange too and I also find that he is keeping a distance from me. And you are right, looks like I am investing much more than him in this relationship. And it puzzles me when he lied to me about his arrival and hide from me where he stays.

 

For the past few days whenever I am alone, I cried.

 

Perhaps you are right, I should stop initiating things and let him make the move - although it is very difficult.

 

yeah, I think that just stepping back and letting him do the calling, planning, that will tell you about his interest level.

 

now, I don't know what kind of job he has, how many hours a week he is working, but I think if he were a loving boyfriend, he would want to spend as much time together as possible. ie, you stay over at the hotel a few times a week, you go out for breakfast or coffee when he has a busy day....

 

i think, just stop calling, and see how much he calls you. answer his calls, but what happens if you stop initiating?

 

in your long distance relationship (before the trip), how often did he call you vs. you call him? was it 50/50, or mostly you?

 

one thing to think about.... maybe he doesn't want to "break up" with you until he is back in his country. he might be very cowardly, and doesn't want to break up with you, and have you flip out and come to his hotel room begging for a second chance. maybe that is why his actions are not lining up with his words right now (ie, he is saying that you are his girl, but not treating you as such.)