Anyone feel this way?

[Davis]

Just like everyone else, very very tough going. It ended 3 months ago after 3.5 years. Bad setback a couple of weeks ago when his affair with my married (ex) friend was confirmed. We all work together too, ouch.

 

It seems everyday brings a fresh pain like her new hair, new clothes, grin on her face, I always think it's because of my ex, not her husband.

 

But every once in a while I get a "wave" of something that feels like "normal" like "you will get over this" and "it will be ok". I notice it right after some fresh hurt pops up; that within an hour or so I'm ok again. Not happy, haven't felt that in months...but back to where I was, instead of gutted for the day. Almost want to walk over to her cube and talk to her like old times. Then I tell mnyself "Whoa girl" you aren't there.

 

Maybe it's aversion therapy? Seeing and hearing her all day has been very hard, he is in another location. But just feeling "normal" even for a few seconds gives me hope that there is light at the end of this tunnel, and I will not feel this way forever.

 

If I hadn't found out about their affair, I'd still be in denial that he was returning to me. So I had to start over 2 weeks ago; but every day will get better, it has to.

 

This forum has been great, all the stories are so similar, it's comforting in a way. I know I will get through this, I just wish it was months from now and the pain was gone, but there is no magic button!

[blueangel]

but there is a "magic" perspective and it's the one you are already finding and drawing near to: "I'm okay. I care about him. But even more importantly, I care about me too."

[Davis]

blueangel, I think you truly are one. It's a relevation I've had within the past few days. I kept thinking "wait until I meet a NEW man, and if he isn't in to me I won't hang on for years hoping he will change, I will be good to myself."

 

And it hit me: I can start treating myself well NOW, I don't have to wait for another relationship. I can take care of myself and be the woman I want to be by trying to look forward, not into the past, not obsessing about them but concentrating on me and my future.

 

Wow you're only 16? Wise woman.

[kath123]

davis, im in a very similar situation to you. I too thought there was hope of getting back with my ex until the day i realised he was actually with someone else. Its been six weeks now since he left,i think the new g/f situation has given me the closure i so needed to get on with things for myself.

It obviously bothers me to hear how happy he is with his life, while i am still coping not happy but coping.Actually when i hear these things about the two of them it is painful for a while and then as you described i get a "normal" feeling, I realise that i can feel indifferent to it all, and this is so wonderful, i know i have a long way to go yet,but i also know im getting there,i can see light at the end of the tunnel,i just cant wait to get there.

[blueangel]

blueangel, I think you truly are one. It's a relevation I've had within the past few days. I kept thinking "wait until I meet a NEW man, and if he isn't in to me I won't hang on for years hoping he will change, I will be good to myself."

 

And it hit me: I can start treating myself well NOW, I don't have to wait for another relationship. I can take care of myself and be the woman I want to be by trying to look forward, not into the past, not obsessing about them but concentrating on me and my future.

 

Wow you're only 16? Wise woman.

 

If I told you something that you already know, then that makes you also wise.

[Vynde]

Hello Davis,

 

I can relate to the waves of pain your feeling, I have been told that the become fewer and farther apart until the water is once again calm.

 

You seem to be very strong, and have a great insight on your situation.

 

Im sorry I dont have much advice, but please know I can relate and you not alone. Post often if you need. I think your gonna be A OK

 

(( HUG ))

 

John