Finally Letting go!

[lovecrazy]

Hopefully anyways...

 

Well basically the Ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago...I asked is there any chance for us again...He said he didnt know, but was willing to try..So we agreed no dating others...and to work on us. Now this was my suggestion...So we hung out...slept together...I loves yous and all that..

 

Well come to find out, the night before we made out deal he went out on a double date with his best friend...and a girl he is dating...and the girls best friend! Well he told me all they did was exchange numbers a few days before...and he hadnt seen her.

 

Well hiding things...hmm should have been the first red flag. Second....him deleting me from his myspace...and "hiding me" Third...him admitting he wants to date others to "figure our what he wants' fourth him only wanting sex first then the relationship part second...these all should have been red flags...But me believing in love..I ignored my mind, and went with my heart.

 

Well Last week we spent, Monday, Thursday and Friday together...all nights we slept together...and talked about us. He has basically told me, that he isnt trying to string me along, and his has been honest for the most part. Besides the first date, and hiding me...(Which I felt like I was being left out, not sure if that is from me going from his girlfriend to a booty cal) But anways Saturday comes, he went out with the I guess I should refer to her as the "new girl" and he told me that his face was hurting from smiling and laughing so much...Well I asked him, are you getting more into her? If so, I dont want to be hurt, or be strung along. And I will step aside.

 

Well basically we were talking again about us..mostly me, and him saying He loved me but didnt know. ETC...Well he offered to take me to the movies...and to dinner...but again mentioned sex first...And he told me to drive down to his neck of the woods, and he would pay for the gas. Well I was tired and offered to meet him half way..And we could still go to dinner, and a movie..And he stated he didnt feel like going anywhere. So yeah us hanging out didnt happen last night. And I told him rather it was his intention or not, that is how I was started to feel, like his booty call until he was able to get in the new girls pants.

 

Well later on, I asked him if I need to back off completely, and we see each other in two weeks and go from there..No contact, for those two weeks, that way he can get to know this girl, and decide from there.

 

But I already know the outcome, I was just hanging on because of hope, and love. Which isnt a bad thing to do, but sometimes when you know you have been defeated it is time to move on.

 

Well basically after I proposed we meet half way, and I believe I stated I wasnt going to sleep with him. He said that He was tired, and that he was gonig to get back to watching TV...SO I asked are you going to call me back later? He said that "You will just have to wait and see" Well we hung up the phone I cried, and watched TV. I have barely eaten in almost 5 days...and I am tired of it.

 

I kind of feel like I am being played, and I also feel that he was honest. But this just isnt going to work. So I am just stopping with this. I am having what if thoughts, what if I didnt say I had a good time, or if I didnt write about me wanting to spend time with another guy so much...me trying to make him jealous. Because he did mention, it seems as if I want to move on. So that might have pushed him into her arms quicker, or given him the go ahead. BUt I called him back at 12 and told him I can let it go, and move on, if he wants to date her full time. And basically no answer...besides I was confused, and that he did know.

 

So what do you think??

 

Also another question I have, for me to completely leave him alone. I need to stay busy...but that isnt the question, I have been considering going into the military..Should I just go ahead and go...Because I honestly feel the only way I can stop myself from contacting him is going to be moving...and changing numbers, and leaving for a long while.

 

This is the worst break up I have ever had!! I am not even hungry anymore, I only drink Milk, or a soda.

 

Lord...this is too codependent...and its not me. I used to be independent. what should I do?

 

HELP!!! I want to let go...but I am so weak...

 

 

OH and our deal was..on November 17, 2006 we would meet up and offically break up. But during those two weeks, he was only allowed one date with the new girl, and that was it...even other girls, And not allowed to sleep with anyone else. And the same for me. We would try and have no contact...And meet for dinner on the 17th and go from there...kind of stupid if you think about it...but again me believing in love...

[lovecrazy]

You are right..but I just need more insight...thanksg

[MandiHammond]

The number one thing I've noticed about advice forums is this: We all in one way or another go through the same situation at different times in our lives. That's why it's important for us to band together and show compassion for each other's feelings.

 

Isn't it odd how it's easy to give someone else advice, but when it comes to your own problem, you're so shaken and confused that you don't know what to do? That's what we're all here for... To look out for each other and let people know what's happening to them from an outsider's point of view -- often the clearest point of view.

 

---

 

A few years ago, I was briefly talking to a man five years older than me. At first he seemed charming, but I quickly learned what kind of a person he was just from the first three dates.

 

He talked a lot of scrap about his ex-girlfriend (first red flag), still lived with his parents (another red flag), and he seemed to be very secretive (didn't want to be seen in public, major red flag!). When I would ask him questions about his past, he was very distant and gave short 'half answers.'

 

One morning I got a text from his 'ex'-girlfriend telling me to stop bothering her boyfriend. I pieced everything together on my own and realized he was still seeing her.

 

---

 

So what does this story have to do with yours? One thing for sure, we both dated an insensitive piece of scum.

 

Since the damage has already been done, you'll probably be more prepared for in the future. This kind of guy seems to be everywhere.

 

If a guy doesn't want to spend time with you unless he thinks he's going to get laid, get the **** out now and don't think twice about it.

 

If it helps, keep a journal on your break-up. You'll probably look back on it a year later and see many ways you were manipulated/used/abused that you hadn't seen before. It will probably make you feel more confident about getting into your next relationship.

 

Just remember, not all guys are crap. Some of them are absolutely amazing and wonderful if you give them the chance.

 

Slower is better! Good luck with your heal, don't rush it! You'll wake up one day and not care anymore.

[lovecrazy]

Thank you so much...it does mean a lot to me that I found this website

 

BUt you are correct. I have been keepign a journal on here, since about a week ago. And hopefully it will get better...

 

I am finally sick of the "door mat" But I still want his attention. I think that I am doing well so far...granted it has only been 13 hours since I swore NC...but I was sleeping for most of that...but I will still keep your advice in mind. Thank you so much

 

Oh and I am in a happy mood...just nervous..I finally ate something...But I still wasnt as hungry as I would have liked

[lovecrazy]

blah I feel so alone sometimes...it actually seems at times..i dont have many friends...

 

I have only been speaking with my sister....But I am sure she is sick of me complaining to her all the time..

 

I dunno just kinda feeling alone...blah